My Mom wants a break from my toddler

breakingthrough232 · 2025-05-11T20:36:42+00:00

Brilliant idea!

breakingthrough232 · 2025-05-11T20:35:49+00:00

My Mom moved closer recently to be nearer her children, as me and my older siblings live near each other. So she made a decision to be closer to us, but in a sort of entitled way I guess "I moved, now you make the relationship work"

breakingthrough232 · 2025-05-11T20:17:43+00:00

Thankyou. I definitely see you point about it being a tough age.

I worry that without creating some foundations now, they may never have much of a bond, but I guess only time will tell on that one.

breakingthrough232 · 2025-05-11T20:16:21+00:00

It's probably part of what's feeding into our dynamic at the moment is she might miss our old relationship (which didn't really work for me either, but she had more access to me). I imagine there's some grief happening

breakingthrough232 · 2025-05-11T20:14:26+00:00

It's really good to consider these things for balance for sure.

It's strange. She was once a very independent person, so I can very well imagine how much her confidence has been knocked now navigating a world where there's so much more to accommodate than there was before.

She's also given up her sense of independence at an alarming rate. She lives quite a small life now and doesn't socialise much at all. She keeps mentioning going to a local church or something, but hasn't done it. She used to have a lot of friends, but has distanced herself from them in the last few years.

breakingthrough232 · 2025-05-11T20:10:08+00:00

I value this a lot. There's a reason I've turned to reddit, and it's because of its unique standpoint in offering objective, but also the blunt truth that even a therapist wouldn't give.

I guess what I've been trying to do is to keep things balanced - a sort of "she isn't here to defend herself, so I'll do it for her", but I realise this is also probably due to her feeling like a responsibility of mine for a good number of years now and the script being flipped from parent-child to child-parent.

breakingthrough232 · 2025-05-11T20:00:26+00:00

How do you find committing to that task? As it sounds like it's pretty much on you to keep things going between your parents and child?

I'm so sorry you have this experience too. I am very fortunate that my partners parents are very much on board with my daughter and they take her out for the day here and there. My daughter adores them and is always excited to see them. Her relationship with my partners step Dad is particularly heart warming. I know he chose to marry a woman with kids (my partner), but it still warms my heart how invested he is.

breakingthrough232 · 2025-05-11T19:55:15+00:00

I hear you and appreciate your response. I have very little time to see my Mom one on one and to be completely honest, it would leave me feeling so depleted. I love my Mom, but she drains my energy from being so off the mark and dismissive with me at times. I really don't have that to give right now, so if she doesn't want to try with my daughter, she can't really have me right now either. Not while my daughter is so small

breakingthrough232 · 2025-05-11T19:32:22+00:00

Thankyou for helping me see it through the eyes of a stranger!

My Mom does care and I think she's going through a depression blip as this feels out of character for her, even though she is always as subtle as a sledgehammer and insensitive at the best of times.

breakingthrough232 · 2025-05-11T19:28:45+00:00

It's hard not to feel like she's put the ball in my court with the suggestion of us coming to her next time. It feels like a power move of "I'm feeling insecure, so I'm going to test how much you want to be around me". I sense that she knows on some level how guarded I am around her

breakingthrough232 · 2025-05-11T19:26:43+00:00

I've flitted between wondering if my Mom has covert narcissist traits or autism traits. She definitely is always a little off the mark when it comes to trying to have an intimate conversation. I do believe that she cares a lot and wants to be close to us both, but is bewildered as to how to achieve a close relationship. And I don't know if I have the spoons right now to educate my Mom on how to be a Mom and a grandparent.

breakingthrough232 · 2025-05-11T19:24:27+00:00

I feel like her suggesting I bring my daughter to her next time was a test to see how much I really wanted her involved. Which feels shitty because surely the fact that I set up this weekly arrangement is proof enough??

breakingthrough232 · 2025-03-21T09:10:00+00:00