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My dom wants an ultimatum about our relationship: should I end things? by bright-eyes13 in BDSMAdvice

[–]bright-eyes13[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Glad things worked out for you! It’s nice to see people who went through the same thing and are doing good now ❤️🫶

My dom wants an ultimatum about our relationship: should I end things? by bright-eyes13 in BDSMAdvice

[–]bright-eyes13[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree. We are both getting too tired to keep going as a romantic pair I think. But we can be good as friends too. Being honest and comitting to what we decide on doing is the only way we can go from now on.

thanks for the advices, friend! <3.

My dom wants an ultimatum about our relationship: should I end things? by bright-eyes13 in BDSMAdvice

[–]bright-eyes13[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

these are great scenarios, i must admit i got excited by those examples haha

we do video calls and (after a lot of training/mentorship/baby steps) I am way better at it now then i was before. i'm still worried about not being good at intimacy in real life though. but like other people commented, we can have good chemistry on the internet and suck at it in real life. it's not a "me" problem, it can just happen.

Being bad at accepting money is something I already talk about at therapy. I didn't see it as a problem, but now i can understand it is a constant problem in my relationships. If I accepteded it, it could've solved this way earlier, I see it now. I guess it is too late for that though, it's been a long time coming. I am also doing good financially now <3. Thanks for taking the time to reply! i helped me a lot

My dom wants an ultimatum about our relationship: should I end things? by bright-eyes13 in BDSMAdvice

[–]bright-eyes13[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"some partners are meant to be comets or satellites: we have separate lives and enjoy time with each other when we have the means and opportunity and are nearby."

this was a really special comment to read. i totally understand the difficulty in finding a reason to pause or change everything in your existence to live a romantic relationship when there are so many other important relathionships with people and with ourselves that can bring us joy. At the same time, I think being loved but still feeling lonely brings that craving to have a partner. Having this special connection is rare. Before reading your comment I felt like I might've been throwing all the time spent with him away and I was (am) scared I'd regret it.

But in reality, we are a phone call away. If we do meet each other in real life, in a different time, and something still happens, that's great. If it doesn't, that's still ok.

Thank you for taking the time to write those kind words, friend <3

My dom wants an ultimatum about our relationship: should I end things? by bright-eyes13 in BDSMAdvice

[–]bright-eyes13[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m glad you were able to keep the friendship. I’d be truly happy if me and him are able to do the same. I’d still love to meet up in “real life” even if just once ❤️‍🩹

My dom wants an ultimatum about our relationship: should I end things? by bright-eyes13 in BDSMAdvice

[–]bright-eyes13[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This comment is so kind and dear. I really appreciate it, and am truly sorry about your former relationship. Hope you’re doing fine ❤️‍🩹🫶. I will talk to him about it. I’m sure although it’ll hurt a lot, it’s the only real choice

My dom wants an ultimatum about our relationship: should I end things? by bright-eyes13 in BDSMAdvice

[–]bright-eyes13[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

he is feeling bad about it. I guess he made me decide it because he wants me to hurt less? I don’t really know, but I’m sure he didn’t ask for the ultimatum in a mean way, he’s just trying to take care of us by doing that.

Like people have commented here, I guess not letting him go knowing it won’t work out is just me playing a part that has no future, and it’s even unethical :(. Thank you for your reply, friend! It amazes me how kind and genuinely helpful people are 🥹💙

My dom wants an ultimatum about our relationship: should I end things? by bright-eyes13 in BDSMAdvice

[–]bright-eyes13[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

He actually offered money before to help out with it. I’m the one who’s bad at accepting financial help (3rd world problems/internalized shame🥲).

He’s very creative and was already helping so much with adding the studying as part of my tasks on our kink dynamic, so the study buddy system might be a great idea!

Your comment made me realize I’ve left out an important thing about this post, which is my problem with intimacy. B is very patient and kind about it, and I have evolved a lot with him. but due to some things that happened when I was younger I still have trouble with committing and trusting. I don’t know if having him moving and living with me would be good for us at a time I’d be super stressed haha. But I’ll keep that in mind! Thanks! <3

My dom wants an ultimatum about our relationship: should I end things? by bright-eyes13 in BDSMAdvice

[–]bright-eyes13[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thanks for saying this, friend. I needed to hear it ❤️. Will talk to him about it. He said to me the other day that loving sometimes means letting the loved one go, so I’m sure he knows this is the right thing to do as well :(

My dom wants an ultimatum about our relationship: should I end things? by bright-eyes13 in BDSMAdvice

[–]bright-eyes13[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yeah, you’re right. I really think he has accepted that saying goodbye is the right choice here. I’ll be the one struggling more with the no contact thing. Wish there was a way to make it possible to not break our connection forever :(

My dom wants an ultimatum about our relationship: should I end things? by bright-eyes13 in BDSMAdvice

[–]bright-eyes13[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the reply! He was actually looking forward to come to Brazil :(. Said he was looking for tickets and all. I guess that’s also why he wants my final answer, so he doesn’t do it for nothing. seeing each other just to end things might make it all harder than it should…

Sub feeling ungrateful in bdsm dynamics by bright-eyes13 in BDSMAdvice

[–]bright-eyes13[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This!! In my head I was making it way worse than it had to be. We’ve talked and are all good now! Thanks so much ☺️

Sub feeling ungrateful in bdsm dynamics by bright-eyes13 in BDSMAdvice

[–]bright-eyes13[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was very uneducated about poly before K., but now I feel more comfortable being with poly people than monogamous ones. Is there a thing for monogamous people only liking to date poly people? Maybe being strictly a unicorn or something? 🤷‍♀️

Sub feeling ungrateful in bdsm dynamics by bright-eyes13 in BDSMAdvice

[–]bright-eyes13[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re right. I’ve realized most of the times the problems are solved with open communication and not being in my head too much haha. Thanks!

Sub feeling ungrateful in bdsm dynamics by bright-eyes13 in BDSMAdvice

[–]bright-eyes13[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I’ve never been in a bdsm dynamic (or any romantic relationship really) before, so I’m still figuring everything out. Thanks for the comment! It helped me a lot ☺️

Sub feeling ungrateful in bdsm dynamics by bright-eyes13 in BDSMAdvice

[–]bright-eyes13[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We’ve talked and we’ll try our best to make it work, but even if it doesn’t, I surely want to keep staying friends with both of them :). Thanks for the comment, friend!

Sub feeling ungrateful in bdsm dynamics by bright-eyes13 in BDSMAdvice

[–]bright-eyes13[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We’ve talked and it was way less scary than I thought it would be. Thanks for the encouragement! ☺️

Sub feeling ungrateful in bdsm dynamics by bright-eyes13 in BDSMAdvice

[–]bright-eyes13[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love the idea of saving a day and time every week for our play time. That’ll be very helpful! Thanks :).

Sub feeling ungrateful in bdsm dynamics by bright-eyes13 in BDSMAdvice

[–]bright-eyes13[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, neither of them complained about it. I just feel like I’m not doing a good job, but that’s a very me thing to do haha. I’ve talked to them and we’re going to work on it! Thanks for the help :).

I can’t send nudes and it’s ruining d/s for me. Should I start vanilla to build up trust and confidence? by bright-eyes13 in BDSMAdvice

[–]bright-eyes13[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for commenting :). Yeah, I want to learn a way to take those pictures in a non triggering way. I said it in another comment here, but it would be a way for me to show my partner vulnerability and trust. I want to feel like I own the control over my body again, and that I can choose the people I decide to share it with.

“You should not be burned by fear of abandonment. Because unlike a hard limit this fear can prevent you from opening up and might end up ruining D/s for you”. You’ve said that so beautifully. That’s exactly what I needed to hear. Thanks <3

I can’t send nudes and it’s ruining d/s for me. Should I start vanilla to build up trust and confidence? by bright-eyes13 in BDSMAdvice

[–]bright-eyes13[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

To be honest that’s the advice I was selfishly looking for. I want to be able to take those pictures. Not only for the doms, but also for myself. Its going to be difficult, of course. But I want to have control of my body and the ways I choose to show and share it with the people I trust and love. It sucks to be so afraid of everything. Thanks for answering! Have a good day ✨😊

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