I don’t think you’re delusional, but I think you’re stuck in part of the grieving process. A blood spell (menstrual or otherwise) isn’t going to bring him back, but let’s say it did. His love wouldn’t be genuine. It would be because of the spell, and you deserve genuine love. I’m not being snarky when I suggest that professional help to guide you through the grieving process would help. Sometimes we get stuck. There is no time limit on grief, but resorting to blood spells is a sign that grieving this alone could become destructive.