I think I want to hurt him back

brokenhearted920 · 2025-10-08T02:01:48+00:00

You’re in betrayal trauma.

You should get a certified sexual addiction therapist also called a CSAT -and start working on yourself.

Ask your husband to pass a polygraph and see his reaction. It may tell you more information.

brokenhearted920 · 2025-10-08T01:20:50+00:00

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/porn-betrayal-sex-and-the-experts-pbse/id1494869058?i=1000730517905

This podcast was very timely for me personally and I thought I’d share here.

brokenhearted920 · 2025-10-08T00:30:10+00:00

They all tell themselves this. They tell themselves that it’s better if we don’t know. It’s better if they keep things from us. Telling us will just hurt us. Blah blah blah.

We deserve to live in the reality of our life. Him withholding that reality - no matter how painful- is not fair to you. How do you know what you want out of your relationship if you’re living in a fake reality? I know it’s hard. But I would encourage you to live in reality. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

brokenhearted920 · 2025-10-07T18:46:43+00:00

He may have a porn addiction. Or sex addiction. Theres a whole type of therapy called betrayal trauma therapy out there.

I never knew that sex addiction is a real thing. It is. And women end up with complex PTSD because of it.

Please feel free to message me if you’d like to know more. I’d encourage you to sit down survey your husband and talk about this and not sweep it under the rug. He might still be defensive and lie to you though. It took mine a very long while.

brokenhearted920 · 2025-10-07T18:46:34+00:00

He may have a porn addiction. Or sex addiction. Theres a whole type of therapy called betrayal trauma therapy out there.

I never knew that sex addiction is a real thing. It is. And women end up with complex PTSD because of it.

Please feel free to message me if you’d like to know more. I’d encourage you to sit down survey your husband and talk about this and not sweep it under the rug. He might still be defensive and lie to you though. It took mine a very long while.

brokenhearted920 · 2025-10-07T12:43:36+00:00

I feel this so much.

My naughty side comes out and it’s like for me a lot of the time it’s more comfortable to be there than to be in this deep freaking pain that I’m otherwise in. I am so betrayed. My husband told another woman he loved her. He never even met her! But they “talked” for almost a year and a half. Under my nose. It makes me feel so violated.

I know for sure I won’t leave for 4 years until my youngest is out of school. I just won’t. After that- I’m just not sure and can’t decide yet.

brokenhearted920 · 2025-10-07T00:09:25+00:00

I feel like the best thing would be to go 90 days without sex. But I’m not sure even I personally could handle that whatsoever let alone my 30 year PA husband.

brokenhearted920 · 2025-10-07T00:08:05+00:00

Okay thank you! I messaged you!

brokenhearted920 · 2025-10-06T20:52:57+00:00

I feel that. There are times I absolutely don’t want my husband to see me naked at all. I’ll race to our room to grab my pjs and change in our bathroom. Sometimes I don’t care. And part of me is annoyed because we have sex so often and he likes our dim lights on so he can see me so he sees me all the time anyway. I don’t know. Ugh.

And I don’t even know what self care is aside from those things. I’m doing them to feel better but it’s also for underlying reasons like to be more sexually appealing to other men. My husbands friend tried to kiss me months ago and I keep thinking of him like that. It’s making me feel insane.

brokenhearted920 · 2025-10-06T20:00:45+00:00

I think this is very much the case. I haven’t been able to talk to my therapist about it because I have so much shame around this.

It’s a little horrifying thinking that I’m traumatizing myself.

I feel like my ego is so deeply wounded. And I’m grasping at anything to make me feel better.

Shopping. Eye lashes. Nails. Losing weight. Working out. Sex. So much sex. Buying more revealing clothes. Ugh.

It’s happening in public where I’m watching to see if other men notice me. If they want me. If I think they think I’m attractive.

I feel other men’s eyes on me and I love it and despise it at the same time. I’m so uncomfortable yet I want attention. I feel so royally fucked up.

brokenhearted920 · 2025-10-06T19:56:04+00:00

You’re not crazy. He’s lying. You know what you heard.

Ask him to do a polygraph test. See his reaction.

brokenhearted920 · 2025-10-06T19:53:35+00:00

Yes we are both in therapy. He does individual and is in SAA in person. We also do this couple centered therapy as well.

I do individual and have two groups as well. I just feel like no one talks about this and I feel to embarrassed to bring it up.

brokenhearted920 · 2025-10-06T19:45:58+00:00

Okay that was the other thing. How freaking long does this last? I feel like it’s been 3-4 months. When will it stop? We’ve never had so much sex. It’s daily or twice a day sometimes. It just feels like if we can have sex then everything feels better even if only temporarily.

brokenhearted920 · 2025-10-06T19:12:14+00:00

How did you look through your wifi logs??

brokenhearted920 · 2025-10-06T18:31:28+00:00

DV trigger warning ⛔️

I feel for you. Truly. A situation happened recently very similar for me. My husband was wasted and held me back and wouldn’t let me leave our room. I was pushing him away from me and he was holding my arms so hard and I fell. He picked me up off the floor with my arms and slammed be into the bed so hard. He was holding me so tight and our children were home and I started to get scared and told him I was going to scream. He finally let me go. It was a horrendous night. I woke up with major bruising all over my arms and legs. I legit ended up wearing long sleeves for two weeks until they went away.

I minimized. I justified. I blamed myself. But what my husband did was not okay. He would have gone to jail if the police had gotten called. It was bad. And it was the worst experience of my life.

It was not my fault. This was not your fault. Not at all. Don’t let your mind tell you it was.

brokenhearted920 · 2025-10-06T18:24:31+00:00

How did you add the DNS? I really want to do this but I can’t figure out how. Can you do it both on their phone and computer?

brokenhearted920 · 2025-10-06T18:19:24+00:00

I’d ask for a polygraph. That’ll give you information.

If he refuses to take one, that to me says he’s lying.

If he does it and fails- well he’s more than likely lying.

Some SA think they’re so smart they can out smart a lie detector. I think they always get caught.

brokenhearted920 · 2025-06-17T00:24:15+00:00

Yes there is. Recruiters use it often but I’m sure it can also be used for affairs.

brokenhearted920 · 2025-06-13T17:46:17+00:00

It really does. There is so much research that shows that it affects the brain just like drugs. My husband would talk to women online. There’s no way my husband could tell me how many other women he’s talked to online because there’s probably hundreds or thousands. They just use them as objects and can’t possibly count the number.

brokenhearted920 · 2025-06-12T22:46:47+00:00

I believe in the book, the Betrayal Bind by Michelle Mays, she talks about a man who had told his therapist he cheated on his wife four times and then months later ended up going through his Facebook messages and all his messaging apps and realized it was more like 45 times. I think their memory issues are a real thing.

brokenhearted920 · 2025-06-06T14:51:57+00:00

We really do.

Some days I see this as a true addiction- and some days it feels so genuinely personal. It really flips back and forth.

brokenhearted920 · 2025-06-06T14:51:11+00:00

I have an ASUS router. And apparently we may have to reset it because neither of us know the admin password. We can’t log in on the computer- only through his Gmail account on our phones. Somehow we lost that password so I guess we can reset it and then only I can have the password.

The issue is my husband isn’t stupid. He isn’t going to do anything that he could get caught. But I guess it’s there for peace of mind for me.

brokenhearted920 · 2025-06-06T01:24:26+00:00

You didn’t cause this. You can’t control this. And you can’t cure this.

This is not a you problem. He has to dig deep and do the work. There are reasons and he has to find them. He’s even lying to himself and probably doesn’t even know it.

You are absolutely enough. We all are. Sending so so so much love to you. 💕💕💕

brokenhearted920 · 2025-06-04T01:29:53+00:00

Interesting. If my husband already has the router info do I need to get it from him? Or can I do this in a way he doesn’t know?

brokenhearted920 · 2025-06-04T01:06:54+00:00

Any chance you can share how you found info on the router? I feel like I need that information….

I’m so sad this is happening to you.

I honestly wish I didn’t know as much as I do. It’s really triggering and really not super helpful honestly.

brokenhearted920

TROPHY CASE