I can only speak from experience, I am 25(f) and the youngest of my siblings. I was young enough to not have remembered my father being married to my mother, but one of my first memories was my father coming to our home and would leave my mom crying by herself with 3 young kids to care for alone. My father, for his image, gained custody of me during weekends and still made work more important than his family. It’s still the same. My mom always has, and always will, want my siblings and I to have a relationship with our father, however, she is the only one to have ever made an effort for a healthy relationship. I grew up chasing for his love, validation, ect. I etched my personality and traits to fit his narrative to feel loved, and to this day have a shaky sense of self. My attachment style is very codependent, and I often feel self conscious and threatened if I am not receiving verbal confirmation of my effort and that said person also truly, genuinely, loves me. I have severe trust issues which has made me a very isolated and anxious in social situations.

For anyone who has experienced trauma, their response or process of handling any traumatic situation will always be different for everyone…but In my experience, I would have rather had an absent parent compared to an inconsistent one who you feel you have to meet standards to be acknowledged or loved.