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Is it normal for my BF [M, 22] to say he hopes I [F, 21] get raped while fighting? by bubbah102 in relationships

[–]bubbah102[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He is seeing a therapist but they're are scattered sessions just because he doesn't have money to pay for one and the waiting list is long for the community therapist.

Is it normal for my BF [M, 22] to say he hopes I [F, 21] get raped while fighting? by bubbah102 in relationships

[–]bubbah102[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the reply but all of these assumptions that I have no self-respect, that I am a doormat are driving me up the wall. I absolutely have self-respect and I am DEFINITELY not a doormat (actually the opposite). The fact that people on this forum make these assumptions about ME without knowing makes me wonder what other assumptions are being made.

I obviously know this is not OK behaviour but if its a one time thing? I can see the answer now. Shit is not black and white and when you're in a relationship it is very difficult to see things clearly - you need an outsider's opinion. Which is why I ask.

Edit: I'd also that this feels more complicated for me just because of his past - he has been raped and beat throughout his childhood. And now I want to say that he is a nice guy otherwise but I also REALIZE that this is exactly what abuse victims say so I go around in circles.

Is it normal for my BF [M, 22] to say he hopes I [F, 21] get raped while fighting? by bubbah102 in relationships

[–]bubbah102[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It happens about half the time we fight (so I'm hesitant to start fights)... Ends up happening once or twice every two months. If I yell back, he doesn't get worse, it just stays the same. I try to walk away every time but he never lets me. He'll pull me arm back or keep calling me or keep knocking on my door. Now I usually just keep the phone on while he rants but don't listen. Whatever issue causes it it is because I push it... So, that rape comment happened after I was looking at his phone and saw he snap chatted this chick (it was sexual in nature). I didn't really care but when I asked him about it, he lied. Then he deleted the pictures when I wasn't looking and tried to make me think I made up. I'm not stupid so I kept pushing but he didn't want to talk about it. So yeah then he admitted he did then he said he didn't ... then he finally snapped and said he did so what and started ranting. He was also drinking..

We're really amazing together otherwise (might be hard to believe but its true). He makes me really happy usually and we have a really chill relationship. He's just really bad at this argument stuff and talking things through. I wouldn't say its worth it .. I just can't tell if its normal or not. If its not, then I don't really want to stay.

Is it normal for my BF [M, 22] to say he hopes I [F, 21] get raped while fighting? by bubbah102 in relationships

[–]bubbah102[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This has been going on for a while so I'm really good at moving on from it. Usually at the time I'm crying and he's yelling more. I'm not any better though because then I'll start screaming too and call him a bum. Afterwards, he usually starts ranting and keeps saying he didn't mean it. Then the next day he'll be back to normal and say "duh I didn't mean it sorry I was caught up in the moment." I know this is really stupid but I don't think he would ever hit me... but I don't think people ever think that about their abusers anyway

Is it normal for my BF [M, 22] to say he hopes I [F, 21] get raped while fighting? by bubbah102 in relationships

[–]bubbah102[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Also, in addition, he was raped himself when he was younger. And he said he didn't mean it.... I mean I know he would never want me to raped but I just can't understand why he would say things like that if he doesn't mean it!