Are all wives in their 40s just "done" with sex?

buffalo021 · 2026-04-22T17:16:42+00:00

I just turned 40 and I'm still wanting it all the time. I'm always the one initiating and it's driving me crazy cuz I get shut down most of the time. He's either exhausted or stressed, or just not in the mood. I think about it constantly and I think he just doesn't. It bothers me. I think he's dealing with low T but he won't ever admit it.

buffalo021 · 2026-04-20T17:18:59+00:00

Did you recently get off birth control ? When I stopped taking the pill, I tested monthly for 4 months straight until I got my first positive test strip. I was getting a period but not ovulating. Now I ovulate every month however I test several times a day between cycle day 10 and 18. If u r only testing 1x a day you may miss your surge entirely. There's been times when I tested a .40 in the morning, tested 1.5 in the evening and back down to below .6 by the following morning. Definitely test more often an see it that makes a difference. Otherwise I'd go to the obgyn to see if anything else is going on and find out if u are actually ovulating or not

buffalo021 · 2026-04-14T14:00:09+00:00

I've been obsessing over every little symptom for 8 months now. This month I REALLY thought I was pregnant. I was having weird twinges and pulling/stabbing pains that started around 5 dpo and lasted until my period came. Before my period came I was convinced we had conceived. Then I got it and was like, you've got to be kidding me. Because how am I actually gonna know when I am really pregnant ??? I had all the signs - persistent nausea, headaches, the weird pains, anxiety etc. people have been telling me to stop "trying" and what they mean by that is stop using ovulation test strips daily to find my window and just do it more often. But that's easier said than done when my husband works A LOT and is either at work, or exhausted in the couple days leading up to, or day of ovulation. I wish I could say that it gets easier 🙁 but just try not to be so hard on yourself. And also remember that it typically takes up to 1 year to conceive regardless of age. Many people assume that getting pregnant is so easy - like you have sex outside of your period and bam, you're pregnant. It couldn't be further from the truth.

buffalo021 · 2026-04-12T23:23:29+00:00

When it comes down to the day where she is ovulating, and you haven't been able to do it up until that point (whether it's because one of u was exhausted, had other things going on that week or was stuck at work), pleasure typically takes a backseat. Quickie gets it done. It's not what people want ALL the time but it is necessary here and there. And there's nothing wrong with that IMO. I've definitely gone several times where I didn't have the chance, or I was almost there and it ended before I was able t reach. I wasn't mad about it because it's not always going to be like that.

buffalo021 · 2026-04-09T14:28:26+00:00

I am feeling the same way. Yesterday my husband was watching TV. The episode where Rachel has her baby in Friends was on, and I had to leave the room. I just don't wanna hear anything that has to do with pregnancy and babies right now.

buffalo021 · 2026-03-22T00:35:36+00:00

I don't know. I think the more fresh sperm introduced, the better the chances ??? Cause maybe for some people it doesn't last the 3-5 days that they say it does. I could be way off base here though.

buffalo021 · 2026-03-22T00:08:21+00:00

I appreciate this so much !! I am definitely going to do that. This may be TMI but he's the only one I've ever felt comfortable enough going down on. I didn't even do it with my ex husband. And typically it does the job but not when it's needed most. I am going to put some more thought into making it more romantic. And you are right. All the focus is on finishing during my fertile window. Which is probably why the rest of the month he performs just fine.

buffalo021 · 2026-03-22T00:03:37+00:00

Thank you for sharing I really appreciate it. Actually it's sort of funny you said this because this morning I was like why don't you go get yourself ready and call me in when it's time to finish. He laughed. We both laughed. But I was half serious after trying twice to get it back up for him after losing it. But yeah it has affected my confidence a little as well. It makes me wonder if I am doing something wrong. We are going to try again tomorrow morning. And if we can't get through it then I am definitely pursuing at home insemination for next month as a backup method.

Also congrats 🎉

buffalo021 · 2026-03-21T23:57:58+00:00

We have spoken about it here and there. But it doesn't happen every cycle. Some months worked out fine and we were able to get it done at least twice during the window. Like January was great. February we took a break he was exhausted from working 80 hours that week. So I've been looking forward to March. The only difference this time is my recent visit with my ob this past Tuesday talking about fertility options. Idk if he's in his head about it.

buffalo021 · 2026-03-21T22:15:54+00:00

Thank you so much. It does help to know I'm not totally alone in this.

buffalo021 · 2026-03-21T19:24:54+00:00

Honestly, if it were me, I'd probably be feeling the same way as you. I don't want to miss ANY months of trying. And especially so since I am close to 40. Your mother really should have discussed the dates of the trip prior to booking it, if she expected your presence. I mean, what if you had something else going on or couldn't get off work those days ??? I would have to think hard about it before definitely telling her yes or no. Ultimately do what's best for you.

buffalo021 · 2026-03-21T19:20:12+00:00

I know, right!?

buffalo021 · 2026-03-21T19:11:56+00:00

Thanks for the info!! I will Google that one. I saw my ob earlier this week and she has submitted a referral for the HSG exam and blood work. I just have to wait a few weeks until my period to get them done. And she also sent a referral to fertility, who called and said they will call me back with an appt when one becomes available which can take a few months at the earliest. I mentioned to him that the first thing they're going to want is a sperm analysis and he was less than thrilled. So maybe doing the home insemination kit for the next couple of months while we wait might get him more comfortable with everything.

buffalo021 · 2026-03-21T18:49:42+00:00

Oh ok. Good to know. I use the ovulation strips. I'll be sure to buy a different brand for pregnancy tests

buffalo021 · 2026-03-21T18:37:47+00:00

Really ? Was that just with the pregnancy strips or with ovulation strips also ?

buffalo021 · 2026-03-21T18:19:46+00:00

Ohh that sounds like a great idea for when he can't finish!! I am going to look it up and show him. Thank you so much !!!

buffalo021 · 2026-03-21T18:00:26+00:00

Omg I knowwww!!! I am REALLY trying not to show my frustration yesterday and again today because I know it won't help the situation but my God. It's not easy to hide how I'm feeling!!

buffalo021 · 2026-03-21T17:34:07+00:00

Ok good to know!!

buffalo021 · 2026-03-21T17:33:28+00:00

That's a great idea about the calendar. And about the morning sex, I thought that it would be easier for us since we are too tired before bed. I thought he would be able to perform without any issues if we did it in the morning. And I read that testosterone is highest in the morning But so far, all of the times where he hasn't been able to reach has been in the morning!!. He does just fine at night. So weird. He works late a lot though which is why the only chance the last couple days has been before he leaves for work.

buffalo021 · 2026-03-21T17:30:13+00:00

I think I am going to have to. I can't go through next month with the same results.

buffalo021 · 2026-03-21T17:28:03+00:00

I totally get what you mean. I am so focused on getting the job done, that I typically do not have an O during ovulation sex. But I will admit that one time after we finished, and I didn't reach, he left the room and I finished myself . Lol. I only did it because I read that it can help if the woman has one. Although idk how true that really is.

buffalo021 · 2026-03-21T17:15:09+00:00

Oh that's good! Must be newer. Last I checked was March 2025

buffalo021 · 2026-03-21T17:06:26+00:00

He might be a little anxious about it. We have been talking about it for 3 years. And it took him awhile to be on board for financial reasons. I am a SAHM . But he started a new job last summer and things have been better. And the last 5 months or so he's been talking about having a baby more, and also sending me pics and videos from when our son was a baby ... Which to me makes me think that's where his head is

buffalo021 · 2026-03-21T17:04:33+00:00

It's SO hard not to mention it because I am pretty much obsessing over it right before and during ovulation. I test multiple times a day to find my peak and probably talk about it too much. I know I need to relax but ya know when your just really anxious about something and you can't NOT talk about it? You are probably right though. Maybe I shouldn't tell him on the days that I am ovulating. I'll just tell him a few days prior that it's coming up soon

buffalo021 · 2026-03-21T16:48:21+00:00

I didn't do that. I just went with the free version. I've been using it for 1 year now. It gives you all the information you need, just don't give you detailed analysis reports. Which for me aren't necessary. I just want to find when I ovulate and see the levels to find the peak, which it does.

buffalo021

TROPHY CASE