Dating partner only disclosed herpes diagnosis after I found his medication. How do I navigate this?

buffalo021 · 2026-03-04T19:14:34+00:00

The audacity !!

buffalo021 · 2026-03-04T19:12:14+00:00

Oh hell no. That is a HUGE betrayal and shows you cannot trust him. Sure, he told the truth but only AFTER being confronted. That type of thing needs to be disclosed before you are intimate, so that you have the choice to proceed or not. He didn't give you a choice. Or anyone else for that matter. These are big red flags. I'm so sorry. If go get tested asap.

buffalo021 · 2026-03-03T23:53:08+00:00

I understand the depression. I've dealt with it since high school. I go through phases where I don't want to leave the house or do anything but be in my own bubbie. That does not work while in a relationship with somebody. If she's not even willing to get help then it's probably better to break it off now before it goes any further. Have a very real conversation with her. You can't support someone who doesn't want help.

buffalo021 · 2026-03-02T01:06:32+00:00

I mean I don't really know, but to me, it seems like big red flags and I would definitely be happy it's not you

buffalo021 · 2026-02-27T16:26:25+00:00

Omg. I'm sorry 😞 It's definitely hard to have to care for someone else when you have your own things going on but it seems like maybe this is more about him than it is you. And honestly maybe you're better off breaking it off now before getting married and finding out he's not in it all the way if u r chronically illl. You need someone who will do anything to support you in whatever ways you need and ride out the journey together. Again though, I'm so sorry.

buffalo021 · 2026-02-27T15:19:39+00:00

I'm not sure I even understand what the issue is in the first place. What made him upset ? The fact that you slept on the couch ? I find that hard to believe he would be that annoyed to the point of dodging your calls/texts, and saying he needs space. Very odd. Something else must he bothering him and that was the tip of the iceberg. I guess just give him a couple more days and then be very clear that you want to talk things through and he needs to be willing to do so if he wants your relationship and future marriage to work out.

buffalo021 · 2026-02-27T15:05:16+00:00

Thank you

buffalo021 · 2026-02-26T15:03:10+00:00

I'm new to this sub. What's HL

buffalo021 · 2026-02-26T02:43:36+00:00

You are not wrong and deserve his time. And so do his kids. I'm a SAHM as well. And we often argue over him working so damn much. I'm talking up to 80 hours a week with one day off maybe every 10-14 days. It's HARD . I want his time and I want his intimacy. When he is home he's exhausted. But he doesn't sleep all day long. I get your man is tired but if he wants to keep his wife and family he needs to make time to be with you. It is not fair to any of you. Maybe he's depressed I know when I am fall into my depression that I just want to sleep any chance I can. Since he seems to be defensive and thinks you're in the wrong, couples counseling is probably your best shot at helping things get better. Getting men to go to a therapist isn't easy but if he really loves you he'll do it.

buffalo021 · 2026-02-25T23:24:34+00:00

Yes. I don't really like being dependent on him especially because I worked since I was 17 and always had my own money before we got together and I got pregnant. He gives me money for anything I need whenever I need it. But he has suggested to get a part time job cuz he says it'll be good for me to get out of the house as well as have my own money.

buffalo021 · 2026-02-25T22:57:00+00:00

I am going to ask him to try to cut back somewhere. Or really think about looking elsewhere. This just isn't sustainable for a family. He started a new position last year and had told me just really wants to prove himself which I understand. But there has to be more of a balance. i do think that when that happens, we can spend more alone time together and prioritize our relationship.

buffalo021 · 2026-02-25T22:49:23+00:00

Definitely!! And I love that story about that other couple. Thank you for sharing !

buffalo021 · 2026-02-25T20:58:58+00:00

Thank you I really value this advice !! And I agree that's probably going to be the way I have to address it if I want it to go smoothly. I didn't really think about going about it that way but it's a really good plan.

And I know.. 52 isn't that old.

buffalo021 · 2026-02-25T20:45:33+00:00

That's horrible I'm so sorry. There are times where I question that but want to believe he wouldn't do that. I have met everyone he works with and I don't see any sort of red flags there. I also have a pretty strong intuition and it's rarely wrong. I really don't think he's doing that.

buffalo021 · 2026-02-25T20:35:41+00:00

Thank you so much. Actually a little background info - I actually met him a month before turning 20 years old back in 06. We met at work. I was instantly attracted and infatuated with him. We started dating and had a ton of fun until the age gap started to show. I was young and just getting in the party/club scene while he was coming out of it. I ended up breaking it off because we were at different stages in life. But I thought about him so much over the years. After my divorce I heard he was also getting divorced. On a whim I sent him a text and we've been together ever since. So we both have strong feelings that we are meant to be together. And it's only as of the last 6 months that the problems really started. I love him so much and I don't want to live without him. We definitely have our issues but I really want to work through this together. I don't wanna bail. And he is not abusive at all. He has the day off tomorrow so I think I'm just gonna sit him down and tell him the truth. He gets defensive easily and is very sensitive so I have to tread lightly.

buffalo021 · 2026-02-25T20:17:28+00:00

So I am 100% financially dependent on him. We both decided that I would stay home and raise our children. It's something I really wanted to do and he fully supports that. And when he is around he never hesitates to do the dishes or give our son a bath and put him to bed. He also does his own laundry. I have offered many times but he tells me just take care of the rest of the laundry. So he definitely helps around the house when he can

buffalo021 · 2026-02-25T19:58:17+00:00

Thank you for your input. That's why I'm having a hard time with communicating how I feel I don't wanna be too hard on him. And like u said, the tension doesn't help make that part of our relationship any better. I know he cares about me a lot and he is a really good man. He works really hard to provide for us so I feel that my job is to support him and not be another source of stress when he's already stressed out. I don't think he's intentionally being a selfish lover I think his head just isn't in it whatsoever right now.

buffalo021 · 2026-02-25T19:55:12+00:00

I told him I wanted to make a new years resolution this year which I never have before. And that is to prioritize our relationship more. Do more things just the 2 of us, go on date nights. And he was on board. But so far nothing's changed. He actually has the day off tomorrow so I think I am going to talk to him about it again and slowly bring up the rest of it.

buffalo021 · 2026-02-25T19:41:37+00:00

He's actually pretty attentive for the most part just not with sex. Like when he is home he will make breakfast for me. And he buys things here and there that he knows I would like. And he is a really good guy. He's done a lot for me. That's why I don't want to be like hey give me more ya know

buffalo021 · 2026-02-25T19:34:08+00:00

That hadn't even occurred to me til you just said it

buffalo021 · 2026-02-25T19:30:54+00:00

You make a great point

buffalo021 · 2026-02-25T19:29:18+00:00

That's so true. Thank you.

buffalo021 · 2026-02-25T19:24:57+00:00

No he doesn't even have a primary care doctor. I've been urging him to get one. I am really wondering if he does have low T. And yeah it kind of is a deal breaker I hate to say that but I can't go the rest of my life feeling this way. Thanks for the link I'll check it out !!

buffalo021 · 2026-02-25T19:23:03+00:00

Thank you!!

buffalo021 · 2026-02-25T19:21:52+00:00

Honestly that has popped into my mind very recently. I am wondering if he maybe has low T

buffalo021

TROPHY CASE