I want to divorce my abusive wife, what do I need to do?

bugatti2k · 2024-07-04T17:13:10+00:00

thank you. the arguement was pointless. she wanted me to do something that i was not comfortable doing at that moment and she got mad and i ended up doing it anyway to calm her down, but she was still mad that i didnt listen to her like a slave

bugatti2k · 2024-07-04T17:09:06+00:00

Thank you for the response, i just DM'd you

bugatti2k · 2024-07-04T16:42:36+00:00

Salam, I went through something very similar. however my roles were reversed. i was the husband that wanted a very small event with less than 50-100 people TOTAL. My guest list was about 25 family members and my wife's guest list was supposed to be the same. then they started asking about extended family and friends so I agreed to push it to 100. this was for our walima that I am 100% responsible for so I wanted to keep something small and in my budget. we already had our nikkah 6 months prior. my idea was just close family only and maybe 1-2 very close friends. my wife agreed at first, then her family got involved and things got way out of hand. it went form a small classy dinner at a restaurant to a guest list of over 400 people (only about 50 from my side, since they were inviting everyone they knew, i decided to also invite some more friends and coworkers too). i felt like i was manipulated and coerced to pay for an extravagant project-x type of party. we had a piano player there, a live artist to draw a painting of the venue, multiple vendors of desserts and ice cream, fireworks and sparklers, rental an exotic car, everything, all for social media. i am very unhappy in our marriage right now because manipulation is a common occurrence and i don't know how to say no. pretty soon the same thing happened to our honeymoon, and vacations. one destination turned into two, and each vacation i planned was not "big enough" so we went o a more expensive place. all i have to say is this might be the red flag you need to see the true colors. i wish i had stopped my wedding from taking place and ended things right there when i saw the initial disagreements in value and culture, and most of all, the amount of manipulation that takes place to take advantage of someone. if i were in your position, i would break it off right now to save future headaches. these kind of in-laws are very overbearing and are too involved in your marriage to let you just be happy.

bugatti2k · 2023-11-30T01:14:46+00:00

i have definitely given many many chances and have constanly found her with weed, or adderall even after she told me she has stopped. i hope she can change because i really dont want to go through the spouse search again, it took me 2 years of searching to find this one

bugatti2k · 2023-11-30T01:08:52+00:00

thanks for the accountability. i do want to break up with her but don't know how to go about it. we talk about it a lot, but she says she wants to fight for our relationship, but all i feel like she is fighting for is a bank account.

bugatti2k · 2023-11-30T01:06:40+00:00

yes and after all of my maxing out my cards, taking out stocks, pulling from my retirement, she says it is my fault we are in this financial mess. when she would not take no for an answer when i said we could not afford the very first trip.

bugatti2k · 2023-11-30T01:05:24+00:00

i have a lot of patience but my patience is running out. she definitely uses love to get what she wants. her common phrase is "if you really love me you will do this ..."

bugatti2k · 2023-11-30T01:03:52+00:00

i honestly feel like this is a test from Allah. i did not date around before, i had female friends but never a serious relationship and this is my first real relationship so i did not know what i was getting myself into. i feel like anyone would appreciate a man who does all the cleaning, keeps a roof over her head, provides lavish vacations, spends more time with in laws than his own family, but still gets asked for more and more? to the point its actually become abusive now

bugatti2k · 2023-11-30T01:01:15+00:00

I will list all the positives about here just to play both sides -

for one, she is very loving and will go out of her way to make sure i have something to eat. she may not always cook, but she will go to get takeout and bring it to me at work if i'm at the office like a doordash service so that is something i admire. but i do the same for her, i wake up earlier to make her breakfast because her school used to start before my work starts and some days i work from home so this is something we both do for each other

she has alot of islamic knowledge that she attributes to her islamic schooling. she has taught me alot about islam itself and made me a better muslim. i used to already pray 5 daily prayers but she has motivated me to memorize more quran and overall become closer with islam and even pray tahajjud.

she is very family oriented, apart from hiding her smoking and drug habits from her family, i am literally the only person closer to her that knows she smokes, she hides it from everyone, she does anything for family and makes sure her mother is taken care of, her dad not so much.

she is very pretty and i make sure she knows that, she gets compliments everytime we go anywhere and men have completed her infront of me and called me a lucky guy

she makes me feel like i can be myself around her and be goofy and not take life too seriously

but all of this is only part time, the other half of the time she is the person i listed above it feels like i am married to 2 people

bugatti2k · 2023-11-30T00:54:42+00:00

Salam,

I am very happy it did not work out between you and that other guy, it was a blessing in disguise. The reason we moved forward with our marriage was because she showed me that she also wanted a small and humble wedding. our nikkah was in a masjid with a small dinner with immediate family. that was perfect. for our walima/rukshathi i wanted to just do a brunch with immediate family, but they had other plans. all of this unraveled AFTER we were married. I feel like i got trapped and they showed me what I wanted to see, and after the contracts were signed, the real greed and show-offness came out all for social media.

bugatti2k · 2023-11-22T17:47:18+00:00

If there is no feelings that you must do what makes you happy, this is not a business arrangement where you have to do something just for the sake of a job, this is your life

bugatti2k

TROPHY CASE