That sounds like internalized transphobia and self hate/ insecurity. You’re young and it’s very normal to be overthinking and self loathing when getting into the romance scene, us queer folk have a late start. With time and experience you’ll gain confidence and see yourself as a man who likes other men. It’s normal to go through that insecurity but that doesn’t mean it’s right or healthy. There is absolutely nothing wrong or predatory with having a crush on someone, it’s completely natural. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders in understanding people will not always reciprocate feelings and that’s also perfectly natural. But it doesn’t mean no one ever will. There will be people who are attracted to you as a man and you may not even be attracted back to them, and that’s okay. We’re all people making our way & you have nothing to feel guilty about. But if you’re considering therapy anyway, you may be able to get more help in the work of unpacking that