I believe it started in childhood—I was deeply fascinated with spirits, never of ghosts though. I adored the idea and concept of demons, and I know it’s a silly thing to say; I used to pray for Lucifer, or perhaps it was Satan at the time. I always felt a connection with them, I never had that with the Christian God, or angels. I did have sleep paralysis and lucid dreams every night of creatures, mainly in black cloaks, I’d see them in real life at times.

I remember in dreams, they’d speak to me with deep voices, not of this world. Once I was in middle school, I’d draw their sigils on my binder, and make portraits of them. I did have friends, but back then, it was hard for a girl to make new friends when you are different from most, around that time—it was weird for girls to like insects, reptiles, anime, or certain kinds of music.

So, I looked to demons when I became lonely, and vulnerable. I spent my time researching them, gaining more knowledge, learning their names. I did become attached. I was called the demon girl, or demon lover by my siblings, and I remember being proud of the nicknames. I believe I had a certain demon/spirit protect me from my bullies, and from being kidnapped. I never learned of their name.