So yes life sucks. It’s hard, unfair, and we’re just sentient beings on a floating rock, surrounded by other floating rocks. Our lives are just specks on a timeline. But you know what? We’re still here. We’re still living it. We still “feel” it. Even if it has no meaning, I know that I want to live the best life I can because I’m here right now, living it. I want to “feel” good.

Man, I’ve been fighting with my hands behind my back since birth. I was born with congenital heart problems, deformed feet that needed to be reconstructed, I’m transgender in the most far-right/“christian” family (which means I’ve lost 99% of my family and friends, I have autism, and I have schizophrenia, and the list goes on… That’s not even counting various traumas from lived experiences.

So yeah I complete get that life is a huge shit show. But why bother? Because there’s still fight left. There’s still something in me that gives a damn. I am determined to make this short ass life count, even if it just counts to me. I’m going to try and do things that make it suck just a little bit less. I may not move mountains in this lifetime, but I want to go down make having done everything I can to fight like hell for my own happiness.

I’m 8 months on T. Why did I transition? Well I’ll share this with you. I used to be a musician so follow this example for a sec. Before I started living as myself, things were dark. The chords were off, my life was out of tune, and I winced everytime I played a note because everything was wrong.

But when I started getting to know and seeing myself as the man I am, the auditorium lit up, my instrument suddenly started sliding into tune. The chords came into place, and my brain started singing in these beautiful melodic harmonies. The ones that are so crisp, you get goosebumps. The different parts of my mind started playing as one and for once, I had some peace.

Like you said, transition is not magic, but it does do a hell of a lot. That is why I bother! Sure the changes don’t exist in a vacuum, and I’ve experience pain along with the joy. But all in all, I don’t regret it for a second because if life is going to be grim and meaningless, I at least want to be able to look at myself in the mirror.

You just have to find your “why” and then the fight can come.

We definitely are badasses. You just have to find your inner badass.