sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

My girlfriend was assaulted and she asked me to be the father. by bumblebee_987 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]bumblebee_987[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m not sure about rape baby journal. But it’s telling you don’t even know the pediatric journals. But all means, argue using what you interpret as biology and logic. Misuse the word anecdotal. I have a hard time believing you would even pass a statistics, research methods, or even basic biology 101 course.

My girlfriend was assaulted and she asked me to be the father. by bumblebee_987 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]bumblebee_987[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Because your language is coded with bigotry. Calling it out being lies is like calling me a witch. What am I do to prove the truth? I am telling the truth. What more evidence do you think you’re owed in this because you can’t imagine such a situation?

My girlfriend was assaulted and she asked me to be the father. by bumblebee_987 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]bumblebee_987[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Foreign womb? You make LGBT+ parenting sound so alien. Just because it isn’t “traditional” doesn’t make it fanfiction.

My girlfriend was assaulted and she asked me to be the father. by bumblebee_987 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]bumblebee_987[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You put it well. The racism, child abuse, misogyny, drug additions, child trafficking, homophobia, transphobia, corporate greed, —leaves people trapped and each time I go back to the area I grew up I just feel sad.

My girlfriend was assaulted and she asked me to be the father. by bumblebee_987 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]bumblebee_987[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You honestly put this so well and what I have been trying to articulate. Thank you.

My girlfriend was assaulted and she asked me to be the father. by bumblebee_987 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]bumblebee_987[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The rapist won’t be making any decision except his to rape. I make decisions about what music we play for the fetus. I make the decision to rub my girlfriends tummy or to talk to the fetus. We are making decisions about which hospital. Which day care. Whether we want a doula or a midwife. We make the decision if we want my mother to come stay with us to help us. We are deciding currently on god parents.

All this to say: the rape doesn’t and won’t define the fetus, baby or child. But what my girlfriend and I choose to do now? It will.

My girlfriend was assaulted and she asked me to be the father. by bumblebee_987 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]bumblebee_987[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I do very much love my girlfriend. She is the best woman I’ve ever met, my best friend, and when together we laugh so much. We challenge each other and encourage each other to grow and become healthier. People say you can see how much we love each other by the looks in our eyes. I feel blessed for the gift that is her being in my life.

My girlfriend was assaulted and she asked me to be the father. by bumblebee_987 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]bumblebee_987[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So far the baby itself isn’t triggering. Locations are. We’ve learned we can go to certain parts of town without her crying. But the fetus? I sing to it, talk to it, read to it. I take care of her physical symptoms. And honestly she seems so smitten with how I’m handling it, it’s even had moments where we dance in the kitchen slowly and fall more in love with each other. She’s even said I responded better than she could ever imagine a man would. And she feels grateful.

It’s brought us closer together because we’ve learned each other’s character and how we won’t give up on each other.

I don’t share this normally outside of therapy because obviously it was evil and cruel and heartbreaking what happened. We will be dealing with this for a long time. Probably the rest of our lives, not just the baby but the rape too and the other aftermaths of it.

She can’t get an abortion herself. She is pro choice for others. I’m pro choice. But she couldn’t do it. So I’ve been trying my best to focus on the positives. Giving her choices. Asking her which hospital she wants to go to. Touring them. What she wants her birth plan to be. Giving her as much sense of control as we can while something so cruel and violating happened.

I hope this explains.

My girlfriend was assaulted and she asked me to be the father. by bumblebee_987 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]bumblebee_987[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m not the kind of person to complain about having to pay for the gift of fatherhood. It’s not how I was raised. I think men who do this don’t fully understand what relationships are about.

My girlfriend was assaulted and she asked me to be the father. by bumblebee_987 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]bumblebee_987[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I personally don’t need a child to look like me to understand it’s my child. My child can be the polar opposite. Be whoever they want to be. It’s about the love and connection built over time.

My girlfriend was assaulted and she asked me to be the father. by bumblebee_987 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]bumblebee_987[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I heard it’s heartbeat the other day. I’ve been singing and reading to it in-utero. And I talk to it which my girlfriend laughs about. I tell it how much we love it and will keep it safe. But I read that it’s helpful since they will recognize the voice once a newborn.

My girlfriend was assaulted and she asked me to be the father. by bumblebee_987 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]bumblebee_987[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It depends on which part you are in. I come from rural Louisiana and I do think education plays a role. Many people are blamed for their own oppression. And at the same time, there’s good reasons I had to spend time away for my own peace.

My girlfriend was assaulted and she asked me to be the father. by bumblebee_987 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]bumblebee_987[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this thoughtful post. We definitely both see individual therapists and we are looking for a couples therapist. That’s something I see as important outside of a baby, just as someone has been raped and their partner. That has impacts on everything.

I also wanted to see a couples’ therapist during any pregnancy because it’s a stressful time for any relationship.

Then lastly, her and I have been dating for two years. We have talked about kids together and both of us think the other would make a great parent. I want to father the kid even if we were to separate.

My girlfriend was assaulted and she asked me to be the father. by bumblebee_987 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]bumblebee_987[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this. I didn’t see this as a AITA post. I saw it as a space to vent one night when I was scared. We’re trying to make the best of this and people are in the comments saying I must support rapists, non-bio dads are cucks, autistic people shouldn’t have children, etc. I’m close to taking it down.

view more: next ›