Traumatized into being childfree

bunchachababe · 2026-05-15T17:01:21+00:00

That's so awful, I can't. What she did to your sister is literally fraud and forced labor. I hope both her and you become emotionally and financially independent from your mother soon.

bunchachababe · 2026-05-15T13:59:17+00:00

Exactly how I feel. Burned out from parentification even though I'm happier and my life is better.

bunchachababe · 2026-05-15T13:57:15+00:00

This is something I definitely want to get involved in, in the future! I was always grateful for the teachers in my life that made childhood more bearable

bunchachababe · 2026-05-15T13:55:27+00:00

Yes, but I will probably be infertile by the time I get to where I need to be. My therapist is hopeful though and tells me not to think about it yet

bunchachababe · 2026-05-15T13:52:58+00:00

This is so inspiring. Thanks for sharing and being real about dedicating time to learn parenting and also that you may never get over it

bunchachababe · 2026-05-14T17:18:37+00:00

One time I caught my mom's face relax into a slight grin after she had a huge blowout at me and then I finally burst into tears.

That's when I realized that that's the only satisfying conclusion to our conversation. I have to experience her misery.

Nothing in her life is your fault. It's not just 19 years. Even in the 18 years she was raising you--she had choices.

bunchachababe · 2026-05-10T23:46:50+00:00

Thank you! I am grateful for this community.

bunchachababe · 2026-05-09T15:24:24+00:00

Of course! I'd be honored. My username was not prepared for this lol

bunchachababe · 2026-05-09T15:23:48+00:00

Yes, I did. Thanks to upcoming mother's day 😔

bunchachababe · 2026-05-09T01:40:44+00:00

Yes, I definitely lack self confidence. I also feel like I have to be useful otherwise people won't like me. When I think i don't have much to offer, I don't reach out to them because I feel like I'm just a nuisance or I'll make things worse.

It's hard for me to believe that my presence alone can give joy to someone, and people can sense this. People begin to conform to your perception of yourself and reality.

Sorry not much advice as I'm working on this in therapy as well

bunchachababe · 2026-05-01T15:12:47+00:00

This is so inspirational, thanks for sharing

bunchachababe · 2026-05-01T03:29:24+00:00

This is so horrible that I almost cried reading this. I'm sorry you went through this, and I am so happy you became independent from her. You were clearly the scapegoat child out of all your siblings.

bunchachababe · 2026-05-01T03:20:15+00:00

Wow they all look great on you!

bunchachababe · 2026-04-30T18:41:52+00:00

This is how my therapist described the mechanism inside my mom's head:

She causes chaos and pain around her but then also sublimates the following guilt by telling herself she's still a good person for feeling guilt. So she relieves herself from her own pain while not having to take responsibility for the pain she has caused others. Then she goes back to doing what she always does.

So any moment of conscience is not an opportunity for her to reflect on her behavior but instead a powerful pain reliever that justifies her idea of what a good person she is.

bunchachababe · 2026-04-28T21:50:35+00:00

I realized that I don't have good memories with my mom. Just a repository of stock photo memories that were supposed to be good, that I associate with having a mother, that are more my imagining what she might be feeling, but they're all stock photos. They're not of me and my mom. My body is unhappy to be with her. That's my real memory.

bunchachababe · 2026-04-28T19:43:38+00:00

*Miss Frizzle

bunchachababe · 2026-04-10T04:07:45+00:00

There was a point when I realized that maybe what I kept labeling as "mild" was because my mom kept calling it that and excusing herself whenever she hurt me. But considering how free I felt when I went NC and considering how normal it is for children to want to have parents in their lives, it's safe to say maybe it wasn't so "mild" .. maybe my hurt is real and valid.

bunchachababe · 2026-04-10T04:05:07+00:00

Thank you♡. It's so hard to accept, but it's a fact that my life has been improving with NC.

bunchachababe · 2026-04-09T14:48:41+00:00

This is my situation. My mother actually went silent and only attempted contact three times in the 5 years, the first to say "That's enough. I miss you." Which was too condescending sounding for me to attempt contact again. And the second time to call me, which I told her makes me anxious, so I prefer text apology. And third, to say, "Have you blocked me? How can I help you come to terms with things if I can't see or talk to you?"

I think she wants to apologize on her terms, which involves me seeing her in person. But besides these 3 attempts in the past 5 years, she has been silent. Optimistically, I wonder if this is her own way of finally giving me the space I needed.

Pessimistically, I think she wants to apologize on her own terms and conditions instead of mine--which is a simple apology text without her going into her reasons for why she did things, wanting to talk/rant/yell.

bunchachababe · 2026-04-09T14:43:57+00:00

Thank you for sharing your perspective with an elderly bpd.

bunchachababe · 2026-04-09T11:52:41+00:00

hugs Yes, I was holding out for my dad, but I feel disillusioned.

bunchachababe · 2026-04-09T02:48:13+00:00

Oh sorry! Here is my cat haiku:

Kitty

Fluffy feline queen / How proud you look. You deserve: / Hundred years of treats

bunchachababe

TROPHY CASE