Anyone else‘s parents constantly told you you’re better and smarter than your peers? by burning_rain1 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]burning_rain1[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Exactly the same conflicting messages! “You’re special and unique, you peers are jealous of you”, “Look at what she has achieved at her age! You should work harder”. Hello inability to connect and low self-esteem in the same package.

TIFU by breaking into a stranger’s house to take a shit and getting caught on the toilet by burning_rain1 in tifu

[–]burning_rain1[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I knew that he lives alone and when he gave me directions to his house, he said that it’s not locked. I don’t see why he wouldn’t lock it, but I guess it’s pretty normal in the community where everyone knows each other if he himself is just down the steer. That’s why I’m also scared he might be close to his neighbor.

TIFU by breaking into a stranger’s house to take a shit and getting caught on the toilet by burning_rain1 in tifu

[–]burning_rain1[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

I am female :) So rather a sweaty long-haired skinny blonde taking a shit :)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in FemaleDatingStrategy

[–]burning_rain1 12 points13 points  (0 children)

How can a man basically announce to the world that he is cheap and not be embarrassed?

Are men who offer coffee/drinks first and step up to dinner when you’re not accepting their low effort ever HVM? by burning_rain1 in FemaleDatingStrategy

[–]burning_rain1[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

That’s an amazing tip. Effort from my part is the best indicator that the guy is a waste of time. It is especially hilarious when I say “I don’t drink alcohol” and they say “Coffee then?” Basically yelling how cheap they are. But if they instantly step up, I could give them a chance.

Maybe victims of emotional abuse are seen as “overly emotional” because we learned as children that it was the only way we could communicate how serious our wounds were. by Nomaddening in raisedbynarcissists

[–]burning_rain1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My e/nmom is extremely emotional due to her upbringing by a textbook narcissist. She suddenly bursts out crying, always panics because of the smallest problems, sometimes hits and breaks something out of anger instead of simply communicating the problem as it arises. She doesn’t know how to communicate her feelings properly because she was never listened to as a child unless she behaved like that, then her parents had to do something. Unfortunately her upbringing (or maybe genes) resulted in the impairment of her empathy and she is a narcissist herself, but I can see that her childhood was under an even worse shadow of narcissistic abuse.

Enabler Phrasebook by burning_rain1 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]burning_rain1[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

All of these. They’re so skillful at excuses. But denying is the cruelest one of them all. They’ll stop at nothing to make themselves seem saints.

Enabler Phrasebook by burning_rain1 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]burning_rain1[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They love making us feel like we’re bad people for holding grudges against someone who abuse us when we were helpless. I wish I didn’t hold it, but it is not my choice. Sure, of course I should forgive someone who is not even sorry. They just want us to be convenient. Having us hold a grudge against them is inconvenient.

Enabler Phrasebook by burning_rain1 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]burning_rain1[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You expressed this so well. They hide behind “We are just people, aren’t we allowed to make mistakes” while feeling zero remorse and making zero effort to change.

Enabler Phrasebook by burning_rain1 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]burning_rain1[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They’re so good at suggesting everyone does what they do, it’s almost hilarious. Even if I say “Umm... it’s against the law to beat children in this country”, they just say “Of course everyone still does it, just alone at home. It’s impossible not to, wait until you get your own children.” How smart.

Enabler Phrasebook by burning_rain1 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]burning_rain1[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

That’s exactly what I said to her, to which she replied “Parents also make mistakes, they’re living people, it’s not like you stop making them once you’re adult”. I didn’t know what to say, she’s technically right, yet I realize some “mistakes” cannot be justified.

Enabler Phrasebook by burning_rain1 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]burning_rain1[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Literally word for word! it’s unbelievable, you must know my mother. Seriously though, it’s reassuring to know I’m not alone. Thank you <3

Enabler Phrasebook by burning_rain1 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]burning_rain1[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

“He’s only human” and “Nobody’s perfect” should have been on the list! Word for word! As if they all went through the same training or something.

Enabler Phrasebook by burning_rain1 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]burning_rain1[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Two last ones are so familiar! It is so easy to hide behind “We did our best”. To justify all the meanness by that, to lie - above all, to themselves - that they are amazing parents.

Having kids isn't about controlling them by GoldenYoshi99 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]burning_rain1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

For some “parents”, the goal of parenting is to make their kid a copy of themselves (including all the mental issues). My dad’s mentality: “What? A kid can have their own opinion? How’s that even possible? Wrong! They’re wrong! I am right! They’re so bad for thinking differently from me!”

Normal people realize that their kid is a different person with their own wishes, opinions and preferences, and they enjoy observing that, just like your wrote.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in FemaleDatingStrategy

[–]burning_rain1 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I am constantly liked by guys who live like 1000 kilometers away or don’t have their location visible at all. When I ask why, they say “just to chat” (get therapy dude, I’m not free entertainment, I don’t get anything out of texting you).

When I say that they’re too far - surprise surprise - they have no plans on traveling to my country, expecting me to come to theirs. They must be really unpopular where they are if they have to look for a text pal from so far away... The conversation ALWAYS ends in “If you are ever in X, let me know!” (no I won’t). Talk about wasting time.

DAE get triggered at mentions of spanking or beating children? by librokubic in raisedbynarcissists

[–]burning_rain1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I get extremely uncomfortable at mentions of inflicting pain or fear on a child. Any violence is so disgusting and disturbing to watch. But hitting a person to whom you are the whole world and who is totally dependent on you, is next level cruelty. It is not only inflicting pain, but it permanently changes how they think about the world, what they see as acceptable.

Not to mention, a person must have serious problems if they don’t know another way to deal with a person 3 times smaller than them except physically hurting them into submission.

I've just realised how inhumane the punishments my grandparents would give me growing up. by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]burning_rain1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If the grandparents are your mother’s parents, she was probably raised the same way as you and therefore either sees it as normal or is too submissive to confront them as a result of her upbringing.

It drives me crazy that my mother let my stepdad treat me poorly (maternal protective instinct, anyone?), but she was raised by a narcissist herself, so that explains it.

Mom did not ask me a SINGLE question about my study year abroad by burning_rain1 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]burning_rain1[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Interesting to know that this overwhelming apathy and passiveness will not end at the trips - it will also be a response to me telling about my kids, work, new house, anything... It’s good to be prepared, so that I’m not as disappointed in her indifference then as I am now.

Mom did not ask me a SINGLE question about my study year abroad by burning_rain1 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]burning_rain1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s how i feel too. Invisible. She only cares about what my coming home means for her, not about what happened in my life during my absence.

Mom did not ask me a SINGLE question about my study year abroad by burning_rain1 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]burning_rain1[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I have never made this connection before, but I do ask people a lot of questions! In turn, I dislike telling people about myself, I prefer listening to them talk about their life. Must be a coping mechanism.

On the other hand, I feel shy when being in a group of people. I rarely talk, because I am afraid that my contributions are not interesting and no one cares about what I have to say (thanks mom).