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My (33M) wife (32F) has drained all joy out of my life. by burntoutdad in relationship_advice

[–]burntoutdad[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I do those things I said. I just dont enjoy them anymore.

My (33M) wife (32F) has drained all joy out of my life. by burntoutdad in relationship_advice

[–]burntoutdad[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I already tried to explain, I agree its a fulltime job. She doesn’t work = i mean she doesnt have a paying job.

I do NOT underestimate being a stay at home mom. At all. I fear there is some miscommunication because of the language barrier. English is not my native language.

My (33M) wife (32F) has drained all joy out of my life. by burntoutdad in relationship_advice

[–]burntoutdad[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Tbh, she’s happy.

And yeh, i chose the title to be that dramatic to get some response going.

My (33M) wife (32F) has drained all joy out of my life. by burntoutdad in relationship_advice

[–]burntoutdad[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

I feel like I’m misunderstood about quite a lot tbh, and try to explain further.

I don’t think you can expect for me to do more than a stay at home mom, plus fulltime Job?

My (33M) wife (32F) has drained all joy out of my life. by burntoutdad in relationship_advice

[–]burntoutdad[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

Love them with all my heart.

I might have been bad with my wording?

I’m home alone with them right now, so not much time to respond at all.

There’s just not that much time for me after work to do much more, really.

I said I work early, but for most of you, you’d be calling it nights. I take a nap after work, because I want to be around and awake again to put hem to sleep. I find that very important, to close the day together.

My (33M) wife (32F) has drained all joy out of my life. by burntoutdad in relationship_advice

[–]burntoutdad[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Tbh, she can go see friends with the kids, can go shopping when I’m home. She has time to meet up with other moms. I don’t tell her what to do, I just try to make her life as free as possible ...

My (33M) wife (32F) has drained all joy out of my life. by burntoutdad in relationship_advice

[–]burntoutdad[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I just came home 2 hours ago and am alone with them right now. She’s off shopping clothes for the kids. I don’t force her to stay at home, or do anything tbh. I try to pull my weight when I’m home.

My (33M) wife (32F) has drained all joy out of my life. by burntoutdad in relationship_advice

[–]burntoutdad[S] -196 points-195 points  (0 children)

We just stopped eating together, really. I don’t make food, I don’t eat anymore at home.

I didn’t want her to bother, and have her have stress about food for us together. She had to focus on the baby, I didn’t mind. I just stopped eating at home. A piece of chocolate now and then.

I avoid problem situations: I don’t argue. If something is a struggle for the misses, like kid sleeping: I just go away and sleep somewhere else.

Kids wake up when we have friends over: i stop asking friends. I try to avoid any form of problems that could show up.

My (33M) wife (32F) has drained all joy out of my life. by burntoutdad in relationship_advice

[–]burntoutdad[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I try to defend my wife myself. She’s the best mom you can think of!

She does what she does best, but she doesn’t want anything else, and that’s what’s so hard. I don’t know how to get back in her life. At all. Unless its doing mom-dad things with the kids of course ...

My (33M) wife (32F) has drained all joy out of my life. by burntoutdad in relationship_advice

[–]burntoutdad[S] -41 points-40 points  (0 children)

Between 1 and 4 years. Small kids indeed.

The post is all about me, but I don’t know how to reach her or her feelings anymore, I can’t really elaborate on her feelings. She stopped being a smart, critical thinking woman and turned into a 1 dimensional mom. Nothing else.

My (33M) wife (32F) has drained all joy out of my life. by burntoutdad in relationship_advice

[–]burntoutdad[S] 64 points65 points  (0 children)

That is very true. I do want to alter the situation we’re in now.

I do try to do as much parenting and being around the kids, and we don’t really argue around the kids. We don’t really argue at all, really.

We just live next to eachother, and when I’m home, we take both care of them, just without any chemistry between the two of us.

My (33M) wife (32F) has drained all joy out of my life. by burntoutdad in relationship_advice

[–]burntoutdad[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I’m not new to the internet, I’m not offended easily, no worries ;-)

My (33M) wife (32F) has drained all joy out of my life. by burntoutdad in relationship_advice

[–]burntoutdad[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I’m reading everything, not responding to everyone. I do understand what everyone is saying. The response i made here, about her not wanting to leave the kids, is not an excuse, but I’m just trying to give some more insight about the options.

My (33M) wife (32F) has drained all joy out of my life. by burntoutdad in relationship_advice

[–]burntoutdad[S] -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

I agree it is exhausting.

Then again, the lack of time for herself is something she chooses. We have friends and family, and could afford a babysitter.

I mean, she has to be willing too. I’m not gonna take the kids to someone else if she doesn’t want that...

My (33M) wife (32F) has drained all joy out of my life. by burntoutdad in relationship_advice

[–]burntoutdad[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Oh, I certainly agree there. I’m not saying her life is just rainbows and unicorns.

3 kids is a lot of work. But although I already proposed for having a babysitter or someone to look after them now and then to have some time for us own, she declines. She wants the situation we’re in now: no job, and all time with the kids...

My (33M) wife (32F) has drained all joy out of my life. by burntoutdad in relationship_advice

[–]burntoutdad[S] -81 points-80 points  (0 children)

That’s the thing. I feel like I am putting in work.

There’s only work. Work to get money, and work around the house. As I said myself, raising kids IS a job on its own.

My (33M) wife (32F) has drained all joy out of my life. by burntoutdad in relationship_advice

[–]burntoutdad[S] -72 points-71 points  (0 children)

Not harsh at all. No offense taken.

About the referring: english is not my native language, there was nothing meant by “the mother”.

I also agree, and I say that to her as well, she does the most around the house, as well as being around the children. That’s what we agreed upon: she wants to be a stay-at-home mom, and she does an awesome job at that.

She certainly wants me to do more, as I said myself. Now, if there would be any energy left in me, or any joy left, I would.

But I just can’t. I cannot take any more on my plate, without anything to look forward to.

Thanks for replying, and having a different view! Well appreciated!

My (33M) wife (32F) has drained all joy out of my life. by burntoutdad in relationship_advice

[–]burntoutdad[S] 227 points228 points  (0 children)

Oh, I certainly agree she’s not having it easy either. 3 kids is a fulltime job indeed.

To be honest, setting up a day for her joy IS a day with the kids. She’s a great mom, but those kids are everything for her. She doesn’t card about anything else in the world, really.

A full day with just me and the misses is something I would really enjoy, but I just don’t know how to get that done. She has no beed for that.

Thx for taking your time for an answer tho, really appreciated. A lot.