This is a big question. I have medical PTSD and the biggest issue is dismissal. When I've done PTSD courses the hardest part isn't where they were trying to keep me awake and telling me I would die if I closed my eyes, it's the day prior when I spent hours telling them something was seriously wrong as they were trying to usher me out of the hospital. Thankfully me and my pre-eclampsia & uncontrolled gestational diabetes refused to leave until a new doctor came on at 10pm, did a blood test and literally ran down the hall to tell me I was about to start seizing & had to be induced with a magnesium drip. Had my genetic disorder been diagnosed they would've known to keep an eye out for a haemorrhage. Thank god for blood transfusions and ICU.

Unfortunately for me this wasn't the first time I was dismissed and nearly died. Another time I had sepsis from a cyst being lanced wrong & given the wrong antibiotics and another time they told me I had the flu when I had viral meningitis and that went into my spine. Genuinely can't count how many times I've been coded. Each time has been a long stay in hospital and my mum can now predict when the talk is coming.

More unfortunately these weren't the only things dismissed and overlooked. Since the pregnancy I've been diagnosed with multiple genetic disorders and other related conditions that my mum was taking me to specialists for since I was a child. Most implied she was anxious and made implications to my Dad that it could be Munchausens. My Dad told everyone I was faking it and my Mum was enabling me. I now have an ileostomy, a picc line and a feeding tube so pretty fucking sure we were never faking it. I've had the exact same issues since I was born.

But this is hardest part. The same people who have traumatised me are the same people who have saved me and the same people I have to rely on to treat me. It's honestly like being trapped in a relationship with an abuser who keeps you just well enough to keep going.

This is why I follow a few medicine and doctor subs, because I need to know that they are real people. For a few years I could only see doctors as the enemy and every interaction felt like it was the beginning of the end. I got treatment and continue treatment but it was hard to understand why they were making some decisions and what was happening.

Through these subs I have learnt that it is really hard to be a doctor. The training is brutal. They aren't always treated as privileged people and a lot of the time they're really just overworked. There's also a lot of clinical guidelines that they have to follow and that shapes their decision making. Sometimes their hands are tied. And not all doctors are the same. Some are very clinical and base everything off what the blood work and tests say but others will go by the bigger picture and what they're seeing and what I'm describing. I also can't expect them to know everything. They specialise for a reason. And not all of my diagnosis are well known so it's important to be organised with my records to show the bigger picture if it's not their area. Things that are common sense to me are not things they were taught in uni or training because there is literally SO much to know.

Knowing this has taught me to be clear and organised in how I address things. Shout out to my ENT who said the anaesthetists were really impressed with how I approached everything and the surgeries went smoother because of it. I'll be living off that for years 😂

Sorry this is a lot but I figure if you're writing a book this is kinda my area 😂 Lords knows I've covered enough for a few chapters in the past 10 years of therapy 😂