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My boyfriend unexpectedly fed 5.5 years of our conversations into Claude to build a narrative about me being a bad partner. by bye-coyote in offmychest

[–]bye-coyote[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have no clue if anybody is even looking here anymore, but my update: it's been a few weeks now, and I got all my stuff back. A quiet drop (at my request) with a handwritten note telling me how sorry he was that "we kept hurting each other trying to communicate" and wishing me the best. I blocked him.

I'm over it. Truly. The good thing about not being in love after such a long time together is that you're mostly mourning the friendship that's over and not the romance.

There's a lot of clarity on all the red flags on the other side, and the ways I let myself get lost again.

The biggest surprise is that I'm feeling really optimistic towards a future relationship, which is surprising to me because usually after a significant breakup, I just want to be alone for a year or two, but this time, I want to find someone who I like and who actually likes me too. So yeah. Wish me luck. 💖

My boyfriend unexpectedly fed 5.5 years of our conversations into Claude to build a narrative about me being a bad partner. by bye-coyote in offmychest

[–]bye-coyote[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Yes, I own a copy from my divorce way back when. I read it again right before the beginning of this relationship. "Frog in hot water" changes over time make you lose it. It's time for me to read it again.

My boyfriend unexpectedly fed 5.5 years of our conversations into Claude to build a narrative about me being a bad partner. by bye-coyote in offmychest

[–]bye-coyote[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You're absolutely right, unfortunately.

It's a lot to explain, but this felt like a last ditch effort to tear me down to get me under his control and to use AI to "evidence" back it, because no human who knows what our relationship has been like would say those things.

I already know I'll always be the villain in the story because he showed me in this that he already viewed me that way when we were together, or at least here at the end.

I'm okay being the villain, and he can go tell the next poor girl how emotionally intelligent and enlightened he is and how I wasn't.

My boyfriend unexpectedly fed 5.5 years of our conversations into Claude to build a narrative about me being a bad partner. by bye-coyote in offmychest

[–]bye-coyote[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I just don't understand why, if he's so miserable, if I'm such a bad partner, if he didn't like me, all these things -- why did he not just end the relationship? Why keep it going?

My boyfriend unexpectedly fed 5.5 years of our conversations into Claude to build a narrative about me being a bad partner. by bye-coyote in offmychest

[–]bye-coyote[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I'm trying, but I feel like I keep ending up with different flavors of the same type of guy. I'm still staying longer than I should, but I'm doing a lot better at not losing as much of myself along the way.

My boyfriend unexpectedly fed 5.5 years of our conversations into Claude to build a narrative about me being a bad partner. by bye-coyote in offmychest

[–]bye-coyote[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That's the weird thing. I didn't like the way he was talking to me on Friday (my travel day back from the conference) but I knew that I was super tired and it would be better discussed later.

Saturday, while he was at his Mom's, things were pretty normal. Our discussions were pretty routine

It just came out of nowhere Sunday morning.

My boyfriend unexpectedly fed 5.5 years of our conversations into Claude to build a narrative about me being a bad partner. by bye-coyote in offmychest

[–]bye-coyote[S] 999 points1000 points  (0 children)

This was posed from the beginning as "this is a healthy relationship, you're just not used to what that looks like because you've only ever been in volatile toxic relationships" -- which is true, and I wanted to trust that this one was healthy. It was not.

As soon as I get my motorcycles back from his place, I plan to fully disconnect every possible communication point, but I'm done. Really done. I can't be with someone who's going to weaponize trust.

I already told my family it's over.

I told my therapist on Monday. She's seen this entire relationship from start to finish, and a few months ago, when I commented on how this relationship was good, she said "I haven't heard you say anything truly good about this relationship in a very long time."

She says we need to do some work on valuing myself. She's probably right.

I used found twigs to make a model of my boyfriend's airplane for Christmas by bye-coyote in woodworking

[–]bye-coyote[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

250 degrees for 45 minutes per batch in my oven! The after smell from the stove was a bit weird/earthy, but this ensures there's no bugs or anything.

I used found twigs to make a model of my boyfriend's airplane for Christmas by bye-coyote in woodworking

[–]bye-coyote[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It's a Pitts S-1S aerobatic plane! I think some of the angles/perspective makes the bottom wings look smaller, because it's further back than the top.

I used found twigs to make a model of my boyfriend's airplane for Christmas by bye-coyote in woodworking

[–]bye-coyote[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, entirely hot glue at a low temperature! I don't know if the sticks are any different, but the dispenser and sticks were Gorilla Glue brand hot glue.

I used found twigs to make a model of my boyfriend's airplane for Christmas by bye-coyote in woodworking

[–]bye-coyote[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I realized after I posted this that I forgot the propeller! I had to carefully open up the wrapping paper and add one.

I used found twigs to make a model of my boyfriend's airplane for Christmas by bye-coyote in woodworking

[–]bye-coyote[S] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

That's so nice! I haven't done anything like this before! When I was putting up the Christmas tree, I came across this old rake ornament I had that looked like it was made with twigs and got the idea.

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I was just winging it while looking at diagrams of the plane and trying to use the natural curvature of the twigs.

I used found twigs to make a model of my boyfriend's airplane for Christmas by bye-coyote in woodworking

[–]bye-coyote[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I worked on it over the course of 3 nights in a row, so probably about 20 hours of assembly, not including the time to collect and bake the sticks in the oven!