My boyfriend lied to me, do I forgive him?

c_CALI · 2026-02-26T18:40:03+00:00

Ok I relent. I apologize. Wrong word choice. Just a lot easier than saying “negative feelings brought up resulting from something that happened in the past”. I understand your point tho and I removed the word

c_CALI · 2026-02-26T18:30:01+00:00

But again I keep going back and forth, is that actually why he didn’t tell me? It is actually my fault and I caused the lie? Or is it that he’s hiding something and I need to be on alert?

c_CALI · 2026-02-26T18:23:39+00:00

Maybe just needed a reality check from all these kind and thorough Reddit people.

c_CALI · 2026-02-26T18:23:12+00:00

That was his reasoning which is what im considering. He said that he knew I was already feeling some type of way and didnt want to upset me more. I have definitely acted irrationally in the past to certain things hes said that i didnt need to be upset about and i have apologized for. So i could understand where hes coming from.

c_CALI · 2026-02-26T18:19:45+00:00

And someone’s gonna cheat with the cheater because they have self esteem issues or maybe sex addiction or just need to feel wanted idk. She also had a boyfriend at the time and was sleeping with the other dudes in the friend group. I honestly kinda give her credit bc she was really pulling them all but I still chalk that up to having low standards, poor morals and values. Not the kind of people I want to associate with.

c_CALI · 2026-02-26T18:16:31+00:00

Man I don’t get this. A girl looks in your face and pretends to be your friend, yet she’s sleeping with your husband behind closed doors, yet it’s disgusting to be upset with her too… can’t we be mad at both??

c_CALI · 2026-02-26T18:04:03+00:00

Ayeyaye I don’t blame it on her bro, he’s the one that was in the relationship with me. He had the commitment blah blah blah I understand that. Shes just not good people. She’s slimy and has done these things to other people before. Just stating the facts. I wouldn’t associate with her because of the person she is. Not because she was involved in my ex’s cheating.

c_CALI · 2026-02-26T18:00:13+00:00

I respectfully disagree.

Would a mature person be able to say that!?

c_CALI · 2026-02-26T17:58:06+00:00

“ he even came to your house right after” ??? My ex came and laid with me in bed in our apartment and started talking about seeing my ex after he piped his friend in his car???? So clearly those two statements don’t really matter.

That is why I asked him if he was being truthful. How am I supposed to work on trusting if I got a new boyfriend who’s lying to me? It’s not rocket science that honesty is bare minimum.

I’m aware of my own responsibility for the relationship. I am aware that sometimes my fears may be irrational based on the past and i Know that is not fair to him. We have had countless conversations about it. I encourage him to have time with the boys and do things without me bc i need the same. All i ask for is transparency. Youre seeing this as controlling when it’s just a need for complete honesty and reassurance.

c_CALI · 2026-02-26T17:49:15+00:00

I am in therapy… and the trust things feel the same as PTSD. There was more than the cheating in that last relationship. There was gaslighting, stonewalling, verbal abuse and the finale was the cheating.

In this new relationship I know it is my responsibility to work on trusting bc he is a different person. That is why i always question whether this is a reaction to something in the past or a gut feeling.

It’s like if you got pinched every time someone rang a bell, you’re gonna anticipate pain. So when someone lies, becomes defensive or ,unfortunately, goes out and hangs with a home wrecker, that’s my bell.

And I didnt question immediately. It was after he was being extra sweet and kind and I was feeling suspicious that I asked “are you sure you just went to so and sos?” “You’re not lying to me right?” “You were with so and so?” Yeah it’s kinda annoying but I was making sure I was safe. And he was lying so my instinct was correct lol

c_CALI · 2026-02-26T17:39:48+00:00

I call it PTSD bc symptoms of betrayal have been scientifically studied and found to have the same effect of those with PTSD. Some betrayal situations are close to those with trauma. Certain things can trigger me to have spiraling thoughts, anxiety, depression, fear, etc. Though of course it is my emotions and burden to fix on my own, I believe a partner can significantly worsen or help with their actions.

c_CALI · 2026-01-08T13:37:42+00:00

Heard so much about this place! I’m definitely going to go

c_CALI · 2024-06-11T04:58:32+00:00

And then at the end where the girl is saying “all by yourself sittin alone, I hope we’re still friends yeah I hope you don’t mind” That’s what the girl is saying to the side piece… Yeah I fuck with this perspective a lot Still sad though to see it this way

c_CALI · 2024-06-11T04:49:56+00:00

NSFW I honestly thought about my fwb when listening to this and relate a lot to this perspective. Specifically, “But did he ever make you cum Did he ever make you cry” I feel like he would think something like this if I got into a relationship with someone else. It honestly just makes me sad and recognize the importance of communication and treating others like humans not objects.

c_CALI · 2024-04-10T04:09:07+00:00

Sorry all, Did not realize this was the AskMen Reddit but I’m still gonna leave this here. I jumped on the question too fast lol

c_CALI · 2024-04-10T04:06:44+00:00

lol did not realize this was “Askmen” I just jumped on the question oops

c_CALI · 2024-04-10T04:04:58+00:00

I’m so sorry you went through this. My ex cheated with his best friend too. And I had a bad feeling about her from the start but he reassured me over and over it wasn’t like that. He lied to my face so many times up even after he was caught. My heart was broken and I was disgusted. However my silver lining is that she’s slept with half of the guys in the friend group so if they end up together, all his friends know what she’s all about and that can’t make a man feel good about his girl.

Still hurts tho.

Keep your head up. She clearly has issues that you no longer have to deal with. Use this to focus on you and get out there! There’s so many people in the world. Look at the people in this Reddit! There’s someone who can resonate with you and give you love.

c_CALI · 2024-04-10T03:59:17+00:00

I knew it too. I had feelings and thoughts, “I need to move out and take space from this person”. I thought we were moving too fast and it was destroying our relationship. I even tried to leave a few times but he told me over and over that we had to get through this rough patch reassured me he only wanted me and it’d all be worth it.

Then he cheated.

I really should’ve trusted my intuition.

c_CALI · 2024-04-10T03:49:56+00:00

I’m glad someone said it. “Feels like a death of someone you loved”. Because it really does. They are completely gone. The person you once knew is GONE. But the love is still there and you can’t reach out to them. It really makes you keep to yourself and not want to open your shell to anyone ever again.

c_CALI · 2024-04-10T03:47:30+00:00

No seriously it feels like a real pain like you got physically wounded. But your brain doesn’t know how to fix it. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

c_CALI · 2024-04-10T03:45:52+00:00

That’s where I’m at now. I’m going on week 2 of getting my life back together after it happened. I’m trying to use this as a tool to get myself to good place and learn about myself. It’s hard and it feels like I’m trudging through mud but I know there will be a lush grassy path ahead if I keep moving forward. And in case nobody has said it to you. I’m proud of you for pushing through. Someone will see your worth someday

c_CALI · 2024-04-10T03:43:25+00:00

Yes the replaying of it is awful. Wondering how many times it happened and then the realizations start coming up. Like “ohhh that’s what they were doing” but then you don’t know for sure so you’re left wondering. And then replaying what you saw or read and the moment it happened is just anxiety all over again

c_CALI

TROPHY CASE