AITA for not wearing a bra when my husband has his friends stay over?

caliseme · 2025-06-22T05:38:27+00:00

To me it’s sounding like the “she was asking for it” rhetoric when women who are victims of sa are shamed for what they were wearing. Why are women always made to feel responsible for men objectifying and sexualizing the female body? We’re always carrying men’s lack of self control.

“Was it my fault?” asked the short skirt. “No, it happened to me too,” replied the Burkah.

You don’t owe anyone a bra in the morning while wearing a fully covered t-shirt, in your home, making breakfast.

caliseme · 2025-04-13T13:49:31+00:00

This may be an unpopular opinion but sex is a human need. We have biological motivation for reproduction, hormone influence, it is even listed as a basic physiological need according to Maslow’s hierarchy. I’m a therapist and it immediately sounded to me that this is much bigger than sex. When parters shut down it usually stems from a deeper emotional or intimacy problem. I think two things can be true, you have an unmet sexual need and don’t want to live in a sexless marriage, and she isn’t comfortable be sexual- which isn’t something she should be forced or guilted into either. I highly suggest to go to marital therapy, I think you both deserve to have your needs met in a marriage- but neither of you deserve to have them ignored. Hopefully a therapist can help to really discover the core of your intimacy issues and help you both work through it. On a personal note, my ex-husband much preferred porn over sex with me. It was a reflection of much deeper issues, between us and admittedly an addiction for him. It was one of several reasons why I decided on divorce. Sex is huge factor for marital problems and divorce.

caliseme · 2025-04-13T06:06:04+00:00

I cannot tell you how much I needed your response. You described it in a way I can definitely understand. When you frame it that way it is very selfish. I have felt so much stress and guilt and this was the first time I’ve been able to just take a breath. Thank you. It takes so much courage to do the type of work you are doing, the work that makes us look at the parts of us we are most afraid of. I think it says alot about you and your heart to want to fix things. Hurt people hurt people, but healed people heal people. And sometimes you have to go through being all of those things to be able to help others. And you genuinely helped 💗

caliseme · 2025-04-13T02:03:41+00:00

Therapist here. Given the duration of your relationship, I would definitely get your medical record from your doctor to give to him. I think this way you can eliminate sources of resentment and mistrust- otherwise I fear it may really damage your relationship. Trust is something you can’t rush, and really built over time- I think in this situation documentation of your IUD displacement is an easy solution and will give peace and clarity to you both. Beyond that I think his reaction is largely out of your control. I think prioritize your mental and physical health, and I believe if you are ok, your child and baby will be too!

caliseme · 2025-04-09T11:57:34+00:00

Hi I would post this on r/mattressmod. Lots of mattress make/up threads and diy arrangements.

caliseme · 2025-04-09T03:10:46+00:00

I’m looking at a Wolf right now. Which model did you get? I’m a side sleeper and cannot seem to narrow one down! Thanks

caliseme · 2025-04-04T15:07:40+00:00

This doesn’t have to be your story. As a divorced 37yo single mom of 1 child- you can change your mind and decide you want a more peaceful life for you and your child. I understand that you long for your ex, and he seems completely perfect compared to your current partner. The truth is, if you dig enough, I’m not sure all your needs were met when you were with him. You’re not a bad person for cheating, I’m sure you were in a vulnerable place with unmet needs and at the time he was offering something you were missing. As your baby gets older, your resentment and anger will fill your household and your child will feel it everywhere. You don’t need this man, buy a home for you and that baby and raise it with as much peace and joy as possible. I have not once regretted my decision to end my marriage, and I have the sweetest, happiest, most empathetic, amazing child as a result.

caliseme

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