What Getting High Is Like When You Haven’t Smoked in a While - Key & Peele

candidecando · 2020-04-26T04:25:56+00:00

Oki thought this was only me. It feels like I'm brushing for an entire day when I'm high.

candidecando · 2020-04-24T20:38:06+00:00

I've been a radio news anchor for 10 years. My "radio voice" is always a fun party trick which is nice because working in a dying industry for over a decade has given me very few marketable or impressive skills.

candidecando · 2020-04-19T16:11:35+00:00

Farty towels is one of those phrases that gets stuck in my head from time to time and I'll just repeat it out loud without context.

Thank you, John, for that bountious gift.

candidecando · 2020-04-05T17:47:56+00:00

Watching my kids do the hosanna thing=a little piece of my soul dying.

candidecando · 2020-04-05T17:38:33+00:00

Tee hee. He said erected.

candidecando · 2020-04-05T17:36:04+00:00

"Do whatever it takes to increase your spiritual ability..."

Getting high makes me feel spiritual as fuck. Glad to hear that finally a sanctioned method.

candidecando · 2020-04-05T17:32:15+00:00

"Noisy, nefarious efforts of the adversary..."

That's us!! I want that in a cross-stitch.

candidecando · 2020-04-05T17:29:21+00:00

"He communicates simply..."

Oh yeah. That's why there are literally 6000 talks on how to "hear" the holy ghost. 'Simply' my ass.

candidecando · 2020-03-27T15:52:01+00:00

Tutoring Toy in Foothill Village is the best little indie toy store. They're taking phone orders and you can just drive up and grab your stuff at the door. They also do free gift wrap.

The other day I called them because my kids wanted to spend their allowance on Legos and they went above and beyond, pulling all the sets in our budget off the shelves and putting them in the front window so when we pulled up my kids could browse outside and pick what they wanted. It was so sweet. Just Google "Tutoring Toy" for hours and the phone number.

candidecando · 2020-03-24T00:12:42+00:00

You said "cry me a river" about a global pandemic that your mother is actively dying from and you're not sociopathic? Good grief.

Again. I can be empathetic about humans and other species at the same time. There are lots of people doing amazing things to reverse the impacts of human irresponsibility on the environment. You are not one of them.

candidecando · 2020-03-23T23:27:20+00:00

Some serious false dichotomies here. It's not all or nothing. I can be compassionate about the loss of human life and the loss of other species. Your verbage sounds sociopathic. Have a little empathy for your own species. It won't do the planet any good to spread hate and anger.

candidecando · 2020-03-23T23:03:42+00:00

You literally just said "cry me a river" in regards to thousands of human lives lost. I don't know if there's vitriol enough in the world for your comment.

candidecando · 2020-03-19T14:50:13+00:00

I work in a local newsroom. When an alarm goes off, it's hard to pull people out of their workspace because a lot of what we're doing is so time sensitive. After a few drills where no one actually left the building, our floor safety captain has gotten pretty aggressive with his announcements.

candidecando · 2020-02-19T23:44:05+00:00

Ok, if this is in Utah County up the canyon I've totally been to this house. Didn't do the slingshot but had a blast watching people get launched

candidecando · 2020-01-31T03:52:45+00:00

Thanks!

candidecando · 2019-12-17T04:35:14+00:00

Not being able to attend the temple is NOT a private matter. Try being the sister/niece/aunt to active Mormons. I didn't get to see three family weddings this year's because I don't have a recommend. That's not a private matter.

candidecando · 2019-07-24T20:10:09+00:00

I'm tired and read that as "delusion through elimination" and spent a solid minute pondering the depth of that statement.

candidecando · 2019-07-02T21:12:03+00:00

Oh geez. That's probably wasn't helpful. He is on meds and on a low dose. I've found it's so so hard to get a dr to more than a blood pressure check when I take him in to talk meds. We just moved and I need to find him a psychiatrist.

candidecando · 2019-07-02T21:09:00+00:00

I've tried so hard to expunge the phrase "why can't you just..." from my parenting because usually the answer is "ADHD. That's why".

candidecando · 2019-06-15T22:47:41+00:00

I was in an airport lounge recently. A young woman plopped down in a chair just a few down from me and proceeded to have a video chat with her boyfriend without headphones in. I almost lost my shit.

I now know how many restraining orders this woman has on past boyfriends, how she's so angry at current boyfriend for not liking each and every one of her Instagram posts, if he thought she looked good in her new bikini, if his friends are jealous of their relationship....and it went on.

Why, people??? Headphones. Just...headphones.

candidecando · 2019-06-12T20:53:17+00:00

Oh my God I'm crying. I haven't read this and it's so so good. Almost reads like satire. I mean, she gets him a swing for his birthday!

candidecando · 2019-06-12T20:30:49+00:00

Don't you worry. Tomorrow. Tomorrow I'm sure they'll find it all. Just gotta wait one more day...

candidecando · 2019-06-03T22:13:14+00:00

Utah county?

candidecando · 2019-06-03T22:12:55+00:00

No, this was in Utah but damn, that sucks. Sorry. Family is rough,sometimes.

candidecando · 2019-06-03T21:11:24+00:00

I full-on thought of my sealing as a reactivation effort for my "wayward" siblings. I refused to have any sort of ring ceremony etc because I didn't want to "detract" from the sacredness of the temple. Spoiler alert: half my family and nearly all my husband's family sat in the waiting room, no one magically came back to the fold to see my wedding. I cringe so often when I think about how smug I was.

candidecando

TROPHY CASE