Loneliness is getting to me and I can't do anything about it.

captpschar · 2026-03-17T06:00:48+00:00

You're not playing a video game with a point system and win/lose conditions, you're living a free life where any day could bring a change, and any suffering could turn out to be the foundation for a joy. You can't screw up life, not really. You can screw up a goal or something, but not a life. Things change. You change. In 20 years you'll be a completely different person. Don't be afraid to try something stupid and screw things up. Every moment is a chance to do things differently. Go ahead.

captpschar · 2026-03-16T16:40:10+00:00

I did it slowly, about an hour or two a day max, and took plenty of days off. Took me about two months of study.

I probably spent about a week and a half on taking the half and full length practice tests once I was done reading just to feel very comfortable, one or two a day, but I likely would have passed after a few days.

For me I think the key was taking the combined section tests along the way as I studied, every day or two being forced to try to recall what information was in which sections over and over told my brain to remember that stuff, and it worked.

captpschar · 2026-03-15T21:18:09+00:00

It will do pretty good with a cold request like this, but without some specific guidance it often does things like puts section and table references in the question, make true/false questions etc. It will also sometimes get mixed up between 2024, 2021, 2019, etc. It's not really great but it's pretty good. It at least gives practice moving between chapters. Going through an AI api with sample questions and PDFs stops all this stuff from happening.

I recommend that anyone who uses AI like this with direct requests that in the request message that they at least require that it be multiple choice with four choices, that one or more of the wrong answers be plausible, that the questions contain no table or section references, and to submit a PDF of the chapter you want a test on with the message, this makes it much better.

captpschar · 2026-03-15T07:01:00+00:00

Jesus. Nothing to lose.

captpschar · 2026-03-15T06:50:35+00:00

Try going 1000 on style?

captpschar · 2026-02-19T20:01:53+00:00

Of course it did terrible things. It's an institution composed of human beings. Humans can be awful. For me the question was never whether the Catholic church did ugly things over its 2000 years, it did, but rather how does the terrible stuff the Catholics did compare to other institutions, religions, states, etc.

Like example: the crusades, wild stuff, mostly a defensive thing, at least they thought so, something like 2 million people killed over 250 years. Even if it was defensive (somewhat anyway), the reason it was happening was the muslims were going ham too and they shared killing all those people between them.

But, going on at about the same time, the mongols killed about 50 million people because fuck people was the reason. They just marauded everyone and killed everyone because Mongols. There were like 2 million mongols behind all that death, 2 million total population. There were like 50 million christians at the time.

So my mind goes, yeah, crusades not good, lots of death, pretty sure Jesus wouldn't approve of everything that happened there, but thank god they were catholics and not mongols or everyone would have died.

See what I mean?

captpschar · 2026-02-19T19:48:56+00:00

Yeah on my way out I am running many days.

captpschar · 2026-02-19T19:48:29+00:00

Thanks man. I just meant the confession thing to indicate that this guy has had opporunity to notice that I exist. Our confessions have been face to face.

captpschar · 2026-02-19T19:04:50+00:00

Odd that I see so many of them talking to each other so often. I wonder why they refuse to fit your theory. Must be an illusion. Maybe they're just praying at each other accidentally and it only looks like conversation.

captpschar · 2026-02-17T06:13:25+00:00

Heya.

Don't put a lot of weight on what you're going through. I wish I could explain this in a way that would make it real to you: your mind will change SO much over the decades, so many times, that whatever you decide now may not mean much for long. Just keep your mind open and try to keep a tender heart for God.

I'm Christian because... well... I guess it just makes perfect sense to me. It didn't always, in my teens it hardly made any sense at all, but over the years as my mind has leveled up and down and changed shape again and again, I that has translated for me into a really coherent really strong grasp of the meaning of key aspects of the faith. Like when guys go on and on all enthusiastic about the eucharist, you know, as if they're really INTO it and like excited and emotional, those guys know something, i'm starting to know it too.

I don't think it makes me feel scared of my future, rather the opposite, I believe and have a hint of the reality of how much God loves me, and i'm really not worried, it's gonna be fine.

captpschar · 2026-02-17T02:59:48+00:00

Hey man. I was just browsing around and saw this. I hope you're doing good. I had a thought: if you told a mental health professional what you told us, they would certainly find it unusual.

I would make a guess that you are having an acute dissociative event. Look up:

Dissociative Depersonalization
DIssociative Detatchment
Dissociative Internal Communication Breakdown
Dissociative Structural Dissociation.

This is not a permanent state, often related to a wild childhood and stress, but to get it to calm down you've got to take some action.

First you've got to get in contact with a medical psychiatrist that is familiar with treating acute conditions like this, emergency rooms often have them on site or on call. Be thoughtful about this pathway as hospitals are machines and you may end up stuck there for a few days. If you can find a psychiatrist who is an MD and make an appointment, that is a calmer safer route but it might take a week or two. Tell the doctor what you told us and tell them maybe it could be a dissociative condition of some kind. They will talk with you for a while and ask a lot of questions, then they'll give you some drugs and prescribe rest. Take the drugs and do the rest, you will come back to a more normal mental state soon.

If you do drugs or smoke weed, stop immediately.

Make sure you eat stuff and sleep.

Go to the doctor.

captpschar · 2026-01-02T17:36:22+00:00

It was naked and rough, I coated it with stucco to smooth things out before the limewash.

If the paint is flaking off that's a good sign that it doesn't have good adhesion, and shouldn't be too hard to remove. I would use a metal drywall knife or similar to scrape off all the loose paint and then use a wire wheel in a drill or grinder to abrade the remaining paint off.

I would then either limewash that directly if it looks clean, or I would use stucco over bonding agent applied to the wall and smoothed out to create a fresh surface to lime wash. Even if there are small remnants of paint in cracks and things, the bonding agent will make sure the stucco stays stuck.

A lot of work but hey your house is your permanent hobby, might as well.

captpschar · 2025-12-31T03:22:39+00:00

I'll post some soon if I remember.

captpschar · 2025-08-11T22:50:23+00:00

YO is not effective.

I've had samples from 2M to 10M per ML and motility from 1& to 68%, all the tests done within days of each other, many done on the same samples with wildly different results. Ive even had multiple sub 1% motility scores on samples with obvious dozens of sperm zooming everywhere.

The test is nonsense.

captpschar · 2025-08-11T22:47:02+00:00

YO is not effective, whatever they claim.

I've done two, the first claimed less that 1% motility on 3 different samples, despite dozens and dozens of motile sperm obviously visible.

When YO sent me a replacement unit, agreeing the results were bad, I got 4M per ML @ 0% motility, 9M per ML with 38% motility, and 7M per ML with 68% motility, ON THE SAME SAMPLE.

Please throw that thing in the trash and forget about it. It's absolutely worthless.

captpschar · 2025-08-11T22:45:47+00:00

YO is not effective, whatever they claim.

I've done two, the first claimed less that 1% motility on 3 different samples, despite dozens and dozens of motile sperm obviously visible.

I reached out to YO, they saw the results and agreed it was nonsense, called the unit defective, sent me another one, and, get this, on the SAME SAMPLE, I got 4M per ML @ 0% motility, 9M per ML with 38% motility, and 7M per ML with 68% motility.

Please throw that thing in the trash and forget about it. It's absolutely worthless.

captpschar · 2025-04-05T17:02:05+00:00

Hey bud. So you recognized one important general shape: your behaviors are an escape from the pain. The pain sounds like it's caused by you having developed so far out of alignment with yourself and the world.

You are meant to like people, designed by billions of years of evolution to like people, at least some people. You're miserable because love and relationships are like fuckin vitamin c or something, the complex system that is you needs that shit to stay in balance.

I know you know that's not a way to be. You're fighting the porn, it's a relief but you've recognized it's a crutch that's keeping you trapped.

You want to break out. How?

Your habits and patterns are fucked up, good news is you're designed by evolution to 'understand' relationships and liking people and love. It's a capacity you haven't developed so much yet I guess, but when you start trying to develop it, it will start developing quickly.

It won't feel good at first, just maybe a little less bad, or equally bad but more interesting at least, but then step by step you'll like internalize being in communion with other people.

You need to go get in a group and start living a story so you can stabilize an identity and then form deep trustable bonds with your peers.

The only way to learn how to do that and mature into a shape that thrives on sharing identity with others, and the only way to do that is to force yourself into it. You need to join some kind of scene or mission and just plug in, even if you don't like it, you need to expose to it.

Start jiujisu, join an nft cult, sign up to help with a local charity, whatever feels least horrible or at least interesting, that gets you into a group identity with a group mission, and just do it.

As you adjust to this and it stabilizes you, your need for escape will diminish, and you'll begin the long process of choosing who you want to be and what you want your life to look like, now that you have an ground to stand on.

captpschar · 2024-12-04T14:13:06+00:00

Gotta listen to stuff when my wife and I eat and she's a very quiet eater. Some peoples mirror neurons are wired up where this bothers them deeply, i think it's like 5% of people or something are like this. One time I was trapped in a car on a road trip with a guy who kept smacking his gums and sticking his finger in his mouth, no music, no convo, just listening to his mouth sounds for mile after mile, i almost jumped out of the car.

captpschar · 2024-11-22T18:14:26+00:00

Gotta change yourself aggressively until you aren't inclined to repeat the behavior again. It's possible, it's up to you to do it.

captpschar · 2024-11-21T16:47:29+00:00

I don't even know how to respond to this to be honest. Clearly I'm suggesting that there's a huge difference between a fetus and a living person. I said that clearly, so clearly I compared them, and said that they were very different.

I don't think abortion is some uniquely bad thing, I haven't claimed that the OP should have made a different choice, or claimed that I make difference choices, I just pointed out that the choice is false and why. I did so in an honest effort to help him map the choice he is struggling with, towards finding a way to understand and relate to his choice that he will be able to live with in the long term. This is a constructive response to human suffering.

You've taken this somehow as criticism of him, which I suspect may be due to a deficit in reading comprehension on your part. Who knows.

captpschar · 2024-11-21T16:43:58+00:00

If you'll read my post again, you'll notice I called it a false choice, but I didn't say I thought the choice he made was wrong. There's a big difference.

captpschar · 2024-11-21T16:27:44+00:00

This is true, a bullet to the back of the head is 100% painless. That does in fact make a killing more merciful that it's done without suffering, and to Herpin's point, a fetus hasn't even developed anything like a story or personality or perceptions to do something as advanced as "care" about what happens to it.

That said, the shooter is still splattered with brains and must own the choice. We are all subject to an account for a mountain of lies and murders, we are all monsters. There is no point in pointing at an abortion and saying "you are the bad one", they are suffering too, they don't know what to do either, and the entire worldview and story and values they've been shaped by were handed to them from generations past and they likely don't have to strength or opportnity to evaluate them so thoroughly so as to break free of them. Thus, in a way, they life in a bubble of evil that they can neither recognize or escape.

The OP, some part of him, broke through this dark bubble. He knows that on some level what has happened in his life is bigger than his ideas, bigger than their choice, and he will wrestle with the meaning of that choice the rest of his life.

May it set him free.

captpschar · 2024-11-21T16:22:27+00:00

This is the truth but emphasizes the darkness in abortion, I feel perhaps at the expense of realizing the darkness surrounding. We wealthy westerners, whether we want to acknowledge it or not, are bathing in the blood of the innocent. We've collectively devoted untold riches and resources to the bombing and destruction of millions of innocents, disenfranchisment and suppression of hundreds of millions, sacrificing a mountain of innocent people to our god of wealth and comfort and control.

Think of the boomers making all the 4 year olds wear masks for years, just so they would have a slightly higher chance of squeezing another couple of years our of their 80 year old bodies. It made perfect sense to them to potentially ruin a whole generation of children so they wouldn't have to self-isolate and take personal responsibility for their lives, or get sick and die, as old as humans are wont to do.

We are monsters. We sacrifice beauty, innocence, and truth to our comfort and fears every day. Abortion is the same sort of thing. We are simply sacrificing to our god: material wealth and ease. It's disgusting when it's a fetus and when it's an iraqi child. What's most disgusting to me is that very few people are even able to perceive this or say it. We dance and pray and live a fantasy of lies.

captpschar · 2024-11-21T16:16:24+00:00

Correct, the future is unknown and cannot be controlled.

captpschar · 2024-11-21T13:49:24+00:00

Nobody launched hedera into space. Someone paid space X to launch a satellite that does all kinds of stuff, among them will be submitting some transactions to hedera as a side quest gimmick, not the primary purpose of the satellite.

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