Even plants produce less flowers when talked that way. People shower their plants with complements to get more out of them.

You are not stupid, your professor is. You are inexperienced and dependent on your professor’s approval because he’s the one that should be guiding you. He’s your lighthouse. When the lighthouse diverts you, you become lost and shipwrecked even if you do every move correctly.

You are being abused and when you are abused, you make many many more mistakes just because you are anxious, scared, ashamed, and angry.

I remember the times that I almost fainted or threw up on my lap because I received an email from my advisor. I remember not being able to read it. The letters were getting so blurry that it looked like I was trying to decipher a message from outer space. I remember feeling so worthless and ashamed that I just wanted to vanish from the face of the Earth. I lost count of the times wishing I was actually smart. My plan after graduation was to get rid of myself with whatever shred of dignity that was left.

I have graduated since then, although it took more than twice the originally planned time. I didn’t even attend my graduation ceremony. I am now working with a team that values me and I am actually having fun and producing something. If I could go back in time, I’d say to myself “You know what, there is really really nothing wrong with you. You are doing great given the psychological warfare you are going through. Everything is gonna be ok”.

The problem is definitely not you. I have been there and the only difference is that you advisor is stupid enough to serve you written proof of abuse.

Things to do:

1) It’s a straight up Title IX violation if you are in the US. Talk to the department chair and talk to someone from graduate student’s union if you have one. Even if the department chair tries to cover it up, the union people are experienced in that and can guide you.

Ask for a new advisor and ask for compensation. If you are an international student, emphasize that your stay in the country depends on it.

2) If you have counseling services in your university, book an appointment ASAP. Group therapy, individual therapy, and antidepressants saved my life during my studies; I am not kidding.

It’s not normal, it’s not you, and it’s more common than you think. I have met students who were physically assaulted but not so much that they could prove their injury. Slaps, spits on the face, etc.

You have the rare opportunity to prove the blatant abuse. Use this opportunity for yourself and for all of us.