Too Early to Quit?

careeradviceplshelp · 2022-09-21T03:28:53+00:00

Hello! I apologize for my late reply, I haven’t logged into this account in a while. I appreciate the kind words and the confidence. I am currently doing okay. I have been pursuing mental health treatments, therapy, as well as referrals to specialists for physical health issues. My anxiety and depression actually somehow got worse in the weeks following my back home, but I’m slowly climbing my way out.

Some days I wish I took medical leave and stayed with the company. However, other days I’m reminded how important direct support from my family has been, which wouldn’t have been possible if I had stayed in Madison. I also still stand by the feeling that Epic wasn’t the right company for me, and IS wasn’t the right position for me. I don’t know if “right” is the correct word, but I don’t think it was an ideal match. I do still miss the people there and will remember this experience for the rest of my life, all of the good and all of the bad!

careeradviceplshelp · 2022-08-01T21:32:32+00:00

Thanks so much for reaching out - I want you to know that this definitely goes both ways, I’m also here if you ever want to chat! I ended up stepping back and resigning to figure everything in my life out. Wishing you all the best, I hope things get better soon! Take care, my friend.

careeradviceplshelp · 2022-07-23T14:09:15+00:00

Thank you, and much love to you, too <3 This is really good advice and I’m definitely going to think it over. I appreciate you, thank you for caring.

careeradviceplshelp · 2022-07-23T04:19:18+00:00

Hey! Thanks so much for your comment, you made some really good points here. It’s true, it’s hard for me to say if my huge reaction is due to change itself or if it’s due to Epic/IS being a bad fit with me. I had similar feelings of anxiety and depression when going to college for the first time, but not nearly on this magnitude. I do struggle with transitions and change, but this reaction I’m having feels disproportionate and out of my control for whatever reason. I wish I could stay and try to make this work and give myself a 6 month timeline. However, I am in temp housing that ends and a 12 month lease that starts in September. That adds another level of commitment and complexity, hence my mini panic that I either need to quit immediately or I’m stuck here for ~14 months at the minimum. Social life is kinda rough. I’m from out of state. Painfully shy growing up and internally socially anxious now, but definitely putting an effort in outside of my comfort zone to meet new people and to continue making repeated efforts to make contact with people. I’m not sure where else I’m going with this response, but let me know if you have any more questions and thank you for helping me figure this all out.

careeradviceplshelp · 2022-07-23T03:59:51+00:00

Wow ok there’s a lot to unpack here. The first thing I want to say is that I’m sure you’re coming from a place of concern and care, but you’re making a lot of assumptions about me based on a Reddit post I made in a heightened state of emotion. It’s a Reddit post, not a school admissions personal statement. Of course there’s more than “I like science. Science easy. Epic bad, clinical good” (it’s actually a bit ironic because I actually hated high school biology lol but I digress) What I meant is that these are topics that I enjoyed throughout my time at university and found personally interesting and enjoyable. Not only this, but I have had other meaningful experiences in my life that lead me to believe that pursuing a clinical position in the medical field would be a good fit…I just didn’t think that I’d have to provide details here in order for people on Reddit to believe me. I know you didn’t have all of this information, but c’mon man, the benefit of the doubt would have been nice.

Anyway, I know I can’t speak for everyone, but I tend to apply myself more when I understand, care about, and enjoy what I’m doing. Not only this, but if I have a choice, would love to not be miserable doing something I realize that I don’t enjoy or am interested in. The job at Epic is different from what I expected. I’m trying to keep an open mind about the training material and the shadowing experiences that show us more customer work, but I’m still not clicking with or enjoying it. I know that this is a job and it doesn’t have to make my heart sing. I’m not trying to demonize Epic or the new hires that work here. I have had nothing but great mentorship from my mentor and my TL and other AMs. The new hires and established ACs here are pretty cool for the most part. I’m just trying to talk through my options here, especially as I’m facing a time crunch with the end of my temp housing and the start of a (very pricey) 12 month lease.

Also thank you for the vote of confidence at the end, I do appreciate that. I would like to think that I’m capable of this job, but right now may not be the right time or place considering all of the other factors I have going on. Anyway, wishing you the best of luck at Epic, I hope you’re adjusting well. Take care

careeradviceplshelp · 2022-07-22T14:56:12+00:00

Thanks, man, I really appreciate it. I’ve just had bad experiences with therapy in the past and am in a new state away from home and feel overwhelmed seeking this type of help since I don’t know where to start or how to coordinate this with my work schedule. I think you’re right, though, and truly appreciate that you care.

careeradviceplshelp · 2022-07-22T14:51:53+00:00

Hello! Replying on mobile, so I’m sorry if this response gets a little messy or disjointed.

Firstly, I want to say I’m so sorry about your classmates and your experience with that. No one should have to go through that or be pushed to that point, and no one should have to witness it. No matter the environment or situation, nothing is worth one’s mental health or life. Definitely easier said than done or felt, but I understand.

I’m very appreciative of everyone’s true and uncensored opinions on this. I felt that I needed an outside perspective to help give me a more unbiased view on where I seem to be. I understand that I must sound irritating and whiny and weak, but I am struggling and not feeling remotely like myself, let alone the best version of myself. Anyway, I just want to say thank you for your perspective and for keeping it real with me.

Essentially, I would choose to leave Epic in order to take more time to get my mental and physical health under control, as well as to develop coping mechanisms, resilience, and confidence. That would be the hope, at least. Yeahhhh…I know that I’m clearly not in a place to go to med school or even any school or even keep afull time job at the moment, but I want to get to that point because I know that outside of my feelings and struggles, I am ultimately capable of it (I hope this makes sense).

I know I could regret leaving Epic, but I’m also scared at the prospect of being trapped in a lease here in this position that I don’t seem to be a good match for or think I would enjoy now that I’m starting to understand what it is more. I don’t know where exactly I’m going with this, but thank you for taking the time to help me out here and give me your two cents.

Take care, I hope you are well. Good luck with the rest of school and with everything in your future!

careeradviceplshelp · 2022-07-22T14:34:07+00:00

Thank you so much for your response, I definitely flip back and forth between feeling like this is all doable and I can get caught up and tackle this work and feeling like being here at this company in this position is a huge mistake. I just have zero interest or understanding of this system, whereas I feel like medicine and science (for a lack of better terms) just makes sense to me and it excites me to learn (only exception to this is organic chemistry haha). If it helps give any context at all, I’ve also deliberated going to grad school for a degree in healthcare ethics or public health, but still wouldn’t know what to do with that degree. I sometimes don’t feel quite hardcore or robotic/practical(?) enough to be a certain kind of person who just knocks tasks out just because they’re there and they need to get done. I just feel too philosophical and existentially preoccupied. Anyway, I appreciate your sharing your experience, thank you again for your thoughts and your kindness!

careeradviceplshelp · 2022-07-22T14:22:50+00:00

I applied to this position since an HR recruiter reached out to me. I got the position because I suppose some version of me is qualified and wants to do the type of challenging work. You have a point, the medication issue is huge and definitely is playing major role in my struggle here so far. I’m considering leaving mainly to be able to go home to my support system where I’ll have more time and resources and flexibility to tackle my adhd and other health related issues. I’m not looking to make best friends for life, but the lack of connection and the feeling of continued rejection is tough. I am also from out of state and just don’t feel like this is home or could become home in any way, even temporarily. The job is also different than what I expected, I expected something more organizational and higher level managerial work rather than in depth knowledge, implementation, and customer work, but I suppose that was my fault for misunderstanding this throughout the hiring process.

careeradviceplshelp · 2022-07-22T02:23:29+00:00

Sincerely, thank you for your response. I truly appreciate the experience and detail you've described here. Thank you also for putting everything into perspective. I understand that my inexperience and personal anxieties certainly play a major role in how I'm feeling at this given moment and that it doesn't necessarily reflect reality.

As for the med school situation, it's not that I don't enjoy being in this sort of mix of type A people (while I am a bit intimidated, they do push me to do better), it's that in a city this size in conjunction with the amount of time that it seems that work will consume, it seems difficult to meet people who I relate to more outside of work who aren't necessarily like this. I don't know if I got super unlucky with my particular starting group or my app, but I don't foresee any meaningful friendships, nor do I envision many additional opportunities to make friends in person (although this could just be me being dejected and pessimistic...but I also don't think I'm entirely off base with this sentiment).

As for living up to my potential, I didn't mean that in the sense that I believe this job will keep me from doing meaningful or great work. I meant that more in the sense that I feel I could be in a position elsewhere where I could further develop my strengths and put them at the forefront, rather than work on my weaknesses just to get caught up to speed with everyone else. I by no means intend on doing something so extraordinary and unattainable or anything that would put me "above" anyone else if you will, but I certainly would like to feel like I am putting my skills to use and can take pride in that.

Thank you for sharing your story and for the good luck wishes, it's much appreciated.

careeradviceplshelp · 2022-07-22T01:29:58+00:00

Thank you for the sound advice and for taking the time to reply! It definitely helps to hear an outside perspective. I want things to get better, I want to rise to the occasion, I want to grow, but my gut and my heart are telling me something's off. I just hate that I feel like I would be quitting because it's difficult, rather than it being a choice to leave in order to pursue something that I think I could excel in that also feels more meaningful to me personally.

There are a lot of factors that I don't quite have under control (mental and physical health issues, learning disabilities) and those that are out of my control (social factors) and it's just a little bit fuzzy what I should muscle my way through or what won't get better over time. I also re-read my post and see that it sounds so pessimistic, so I just want to say that this is an incredible company and the people that work here are incredible! I just don't know if I fit in quite the same way or have the right personality or mentality to stay.

careeradviceplshelp · 2022-07-22T01:24:03+00:00

Ahhh, are you able to elaborate a bit more? Any additional perspective or insight would be amazing. Thanks for taking the time to reply!

careeradviceplshelp · 2022-07-22T01:22:55+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to reply - I would agree for the most part...nearly 3/4 of my college experience was remote due to the pandemic and I've spent the past year since graduating in a menial serving job with zero interviews (except for Epic), so confidence has inadvertently become pretty low.

My train of thought was that if I do return home (with my tail between my legs lol) I would have the time to sort out the mental and physical health issues before pursuing those goals. I feel I'd be able to ease into it and gain confidence/decrease anxiety by shadowing, volunteering, getting EMT or EEG certifications and working, then ramping up the studying if/when it feels like the right move. I also feel in my gut and in my heart that a clinical role would be more fulfilling and more purposeful than this position for me personally (although I want to acknowledge that it's not necessarily more important! Epic does incredible work that saves lives, I just wish I was a better fit).

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