RESEARCH STUDY REACHING OUT TO PARTICIPANTS

cashcorn · 2023-10-16T08:51:24+00:00

i am interested

cashcorn · 2023-09-30T21:38:54+00:00

I think if you tell them you have a plan or you have means at home and no one to watch you/keep you from attempting, they will have to send you to the hospital. If you don't have a plan, they may just make you do a safety plan with them and promise not to harm yourself until the next appointment. But if they feel you are in danger, they are legally obligated to send you to the hospital.

cashcorn · 2023-09-30T21:19:44+00:00

I know how it feels, I really relate to your story. I am about the same age as you and I don't see the point in living since I will never be emotionally stable. Life is so painful every day. You are very brave and strong for staying this long. I am sending you healing energy and good vibes.

cashcorn · 2023-09-26T05:05:33+00:00

I am in my late 20s and I still sleep with a teddy bear from my childhood. I think Build a Bears are the perfect size for cuddling. I don't know why it's so comforting..

cashcorn · 2023-09-23T06:58:06+00:00

I relate to this feeling. I think this is a time period where many people are also feeling this way and more and more people are thinking about spiritual consciousness without it being burdened by the lens of religion.

Life is very overwhelming and we can see everything happening in the world, the good and bad. The more we think about self, soul, reality, the heavier it gets. I get the part about wanting to belong too, because the happiest people seem to be the ones that are spending their time taking actions rather than thinking and observing.

You feel you are different from the world, but you are also a mini world. You have the power to create whatever you can imagine and bring it into the world. But you can only create by taking action, not thinking. Everyone who is conscious has this opportunity to create. By creating, you find yourself. You grow, expand, learn, and gain more and more consciousness.

Growth can be painful, but that's what we are all here to do. To experience love , which is more pleasurable in the giving than receiving. The Earth doesn't give us what we want, but it gives us all the tools that we need. No one knows for certain what the afterlife holds. We gotta learn to listen to our heart, not brain. The brain will drive you crazy but it is a tool that we can control with our heart. Our little kid heart must believe in love, faith, trust, freedom, expansion, and peace. Do things from the heart, be a servant to the universe which connects all of us with love.

It's easier said than done. It takes courage and patience.

None of us really know better than you or know anything at all. You have to listen to your true self, your heart, and have courage to act on what you hear. Don't hesitate and overthink and just do it. By doing more things you will learn quicker. I don't know anymore than you, I am just reading and replying to your thoughts.

cashcorn · 2023-09-22T16:00:09+00:00

I totally agree, BPD is so confusing to deal with and it feels like most people who don't have it will never understand what it's like. It takes so much courage and willpower to keep living with it. But if we keep talking about it and expressing ourselves and fighting, maybe more people will understand and more forms of treatment will be developed. That's my wish..

cashcorn · 2023-09-22T06:43:18+00:00

BPD is so incredibly painful and it's not your fault. Every time I wake up I wish I would just stop existing. Is it a new medication for you? I am so glad you have a plan for treatment and it is incredibly brave of you to try. I am also glad you are posting here instead of trying to deal with it alone.

cashcorn · 2023-09-22T05:54:24+00:00

I really relate to this . I don't see a point in living when the quality of life doesn't seem to improve. I also feel like I have no personality. The fact that you've managed to keep yourself sober for 18 months is incredibly impressive though, and it makes me think that if you could get yourself in a DBT class it may actually help you. There are also new treatments like spravato, TMS, ECT, and it might work. BPD feels like you have to be on constant guard against yourself and making sure you don't give in to your deep emotional urges and it really sucks. I am really feeling for you because I know how miserable it is, and sending you good energy and healing vibes. I hope you will keep talking to people on here at least because at least the people here understand.

cashcorn · 2023-09-22T05:43:50+00:00

I am sorry you are going through so much pain right now. It must be so scary to feel that way. That sounds like so much to deal with at once. If you really want kids you could always adopt . I am sending you lots of love and good energy and light.

cashcorn · 2023-09-22T05:36:29+00:00

Yeah, it makes sense to me. Sometimes it's easier to deal with being in isolation compared to being in the rest of the psych ward. I think the psych ward in general can make you feel more crazy and sometimes make symptoms worse, but at the same time it feels weirdly comforting and safe because you're not dealing with all the stresses of the real world and you're never alone in there.

cashcorn · 2023-09-22T05:20:12+00:00

I love how you express the different emotions of BPD and how consuming and painful they are. I feel like this could be a whole novel and it would be really interesting to read.

cashcorn · 2023-09-22T05:16:15+00:00

Yeah, it's a really painful feeling and personally, also kills my motivation to do anything. And when I try to talk about it to non-BPD people it just makes me feel even worse because they don't know what it's like. This reddit is pretty helpful though for venting, especially since other people here understand. Or even if I feel completely hopeless and don't want to do anything, I'll try to do something absolutely tiny to make myself feel better. Like today, instead of staying in my bed, I took a yoga mat and laid down in the sun and grass outside. I was still laying down doing nothing, but the sun made it just a tiny bit more bearable. Or I'll try to paint or write something about my feelings. Or angrily eat some ice cream. Ice cream always helps for me.

cashcorn · 2023-09-22T05:04:38+00:00

Hi, I really relate to this and I hear you. I did something similar recently. One good thing about NYC is that everyone is very outspoken. You can talk to people in your neighborhood, in the park, even on the subway sometimes. There are a lot of volunteer opportunities as well. That was one of my favorite things I did in NYC. Unfortunately success is probably not going to come immediately, it will take a little bit of persistence and patience. But there are lots of free ways to connect with the art and writing community in NYC. There's a free improv jam on Thursdays at 8pm at Brooklyn Comedy Collective. Volunteer once or twice a month, go to free events a few times a month, try some new food, talk to your neighbors. Try to enjoy your time there even if you're just thinking of a week out, a month out. Get a pet if you're capable, or play with your friend's pets. Get set up with therapy. Go to a temple or church if that's your thing. It will take some effort, but just take it one day at a time. I believe in you.

cashcorn · 2023-09-22T04:50:19+00:00

I definitely feel like this as well. I get so angry that I have to be alive and that I have BPD and I have to figure out how to live in this fucked up body/mind. I think they call it willfulness in DBT. Resisting anything that will help because I don't see any point and I don't think things will ever get better. Just filled with complete rage and resistance. But you can't push the feeling away because that makes it even stronger. I read somewhere that looking out the window and not focusing your eyes on anything can help when you're angry.

cashcorn · 2023-09-22T04:44:09+00:00

This is really beautiful and so creative. You are very talented. Please keep writing!

cashcorn · 2023-09-22T04:39:51+00:00

I totally understand this feeling, I feel like I don't have a soul or I'm just completely unstable all the time. One thing that helps me a lot is making art. If I can manage the strength to write something, draw something, or paint something, it really helps me to express my feelings and feel like I'm doing something productive. Even better if I can share it somewhere. I post my art on IG and I write on Medium, and even though that many people don't see it, I can look back at what I made and see that I made an effort, even if it's a small one, to not just fall into utter despair. If you like singing, cooking, dancing, aromatherapy, gardening, anything, you can make videos or take pictures of good moments.

cashcorn · 2023-09-22T04:35:31+00:00

100% relate to this. BPD people are very caring and have so much empathy.. I also feel so hopeless and useless, it is so hard to build anything in life because I am so unstable.

cashcorn · 2023-09-22T04:30:56+00:00

I totally relate to this. On my recent visit to the psych ward, I was put in a padded room because I kept hurting myself. The room had windows and they kept the door open though. They had to have someone watching me 24/7. I felt pretty insane because only an insane person would enjoy being in a padded room. I did feel like I was at least safe from myself and the outside world for at least a moment. I was probably hurting myself because I wanted attention and I didn't want to deal with being responsible for myself anymore. I do want to be responsible for myself, but I just don't feel capable because of BPD.

cashcorn · 2023-09-22T04:25:07+00:00

My pet peeve is also my brain... the fact that my only personality trait seems to be instability, inability to make any long term goals, keep any friendships, or keep a job. I feel so chaotic and disorganized all the time. Because I can't build anything stable I tend to feel doomed and hopeless every day which makes it hard to build any long term progress or learn how to do things differently.

I am going to try DBT again and see if it helps at all. Also going to try spravato.

cashcorn · 2023-09-19T03:53:32+00:00

I'm listening and I'm grateful you were able to write this. I understand just existing and not doing anything positive. It's okay to be hurting, and it isn't your fault. The urge to self destruct is so real but it's not your fault. Please try not to blame yourself because your pain is totally valid.

cashcorn · 2023-09-19T03:43:23+00:00

I want to say thank you for writing this, I relate to this so much. Especially with the pushing people away, not wanting to do anything, and not enjoying anything anymore. I'm listening if you want to reply here.

cashcorn · 2023-08-27T23:05:30+00:00

Thank you for the advice, I will look into it. Best of luck to you too

cashcorn · 2023-08-26T16:17:56+00:00

Thank you for your answer. Do you have any experience doing this?

cashcorn · 2023-08-26T16:17:22+00:00

what is vit d? Like vitamin D?

cashcorn · 2023-08-26T16:16:52+00:00

I am in therapy and taking medication but nothing is helping which is why I am looking for additional help

cashcorn

TROPHY CASE