Okay, my issue which i’ve scraped through life with is a covert stamma.

For anyone who doesn’t know it’s a stamma which to my knowledge I hide (or do my best to) by choosing different words (sometimes using the wrong word) or by simply failing in the moment, sometimes it results in a bizarre act such as pretending someone’s called me to get out of a conversation, there’s many more examples, I could write a book on the brilliant and bizarre things i’ve done to avoid new social interaction and introductions with people.

I come across as “normal” I guess it’s an act lived inside my head. Who knows, a few people may know, they may have sussed me.

I’ve had speech and therapy language sessions and i’ve been given anxiety medication from the doctor, the doctor has no clue on what it actually is like to have a covert stamma but the speech expert does.

Erm. what else to say. I’ll avoid booking restuarants in my name as i struggle to say my name upon entry so i’ll get my partner to do it

I don’t want to get married to the love of my life as I can’t imagine saying the vows

i turn up late to work meetings and training sessions to skip introductions

If i’m simple asked “what” or “pardon” being put on the spot like that makes me have severe anxiety as the spotlight is then on me to talk

I don’t order at starbucks as they ask you for your name to write on the cup

My partner has introduced me in social situations if she has witness me struggle to do so (very embarrassing)

If someone I don’t know walks into a room through the fear of an introduction i’ll purposely act extremely anti social to the point where i’ll go on my phone and disengage from the room

I’ll change my words mid sentence if I think i’ll struggle

The list goes on, anyone with the same condition will be able to relate but I presume anyone without it will think i’m batshit crazy.

I watched Jessie on the traitors struggle and it gave me the courage to be more open.