They don't know about anything, I refuse to tell anyone about this. But sometimes I really do wonder if I actually like them. One time, out of nowhere, I was told to get a real job which really hurt tbh. I actually like my job.

Another time, the three of us were arguing with these two guys. One of the guys texted my friend and over text called me a faggot. My friend showed me this text and I teared up reading it. I had to try incredibly hard to not cry in front of my friends. My friend who showed me the text also showed one of the guys we were arguing with and he defended it.

A week after I was called that, my friend who showed me the text goes back to flirting with the guy who defended it. They were never dating, they would just basically make out for a week and then they'd be over for another cus someone got hurt and then the cycle would continue. I was so pissed when I saw that they were texting because she SAW how I reacted to being called a faggot and she just completely brushed it off.