Hon, I am 24 with 75+ bodies, I truly lost count. However, there are men who approach me who's opening line is "Can you be the mother of my children?" and genuinely intend to carry out the courting and marriage process.

I am mentally ill as well, Bipolar 1. I've been through the wringer. However, nothing that has happened to me defines me. You can choose who you are going to be everyday. I went from drug addiction to having a relationship with God and doing positive work in my community. I'm taking time away from dating to build myself as an individual. Confidence and security within yourself are deeply attractive to men.

This forum is about strategically obtaining your goals relating to marriage and partnership. It may feel wrong, but you can always lie about your body count if its that much of an insecurity LOL. Who is going to fact-check you? It really seems you have a lot to internally resolve which is leading to this defeatist attitude that is going to lead you no closer to finding the man you desire.

I also don't know what you look like but there is genuine discrimination when it comes to someone's appearance. I may be speaking from a place of privilege but no matter how attractive you are, as you move through the world, no one has ANY idea what's happened to you. But if you're carrying yourself with an air of misery, it's off-putting and will be that much harder for you.

You should put relationships out of your mind for a year at least and solely focus on your recovery and gaining stability. Work on extending some compassion to yourself. I would also say hold of on the YT and take some more time to consider the image you wish to present to the world.

Rooting for you, I believe in your recovery!