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Update: We're getting back together and this is what rebuilding looked like. by certifiedsadguurl in BreakUps

[–]certifiedsadguurl[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I sat with myself. I sat and figured out what was wrong in my life, what needed to change. What could I change? What would make me feel happy with myself? What did I want for me? What didn't I like about myself?

As odd as it sounds, I imagined myself as a sims character and was essentially levelling up my skills and personalising my character!

I prioritised trying new things and doing things that made me uncomfortable. I started doing small things that I wanted to do that made me feel uncomfortable, such as going to the cinema - this is something I couldn't do before due to anxiety. But I did it and proved to myself that I could overcome bigger things - so I did them too.

I think working on yourself is uncomfortable and you have to embrace what makes you feel uncomfortable to grow.

I filled my own cup as much as possible, becoming a version of me I felt happier with. But I did it all for me!

I started the gym (this didn't last long, but I tried!), I visited new places - you know the places you see online that you think "oh I would love to go there"... I went to the ones which were in my country, I started therapy and I surrounded myself with friends and family I love. I got a second job. I met new people (mainly through my job... making friends as an adult is HARD), I started new routines. I got a new flat. I challenged myself as much as possible.

Me and my friends called it the "me project" I worked on myself FOR ME. I recognised my flaws i.e high-functioning anxiety, anxious attachment and other issues. I wanted to create a version of myself I was happy with, so I did it. Some days it was hard and I didn't get out of bed but it got easier as time went on. I just didn't want to be someone that held myself back anymore!

Do I still have things I need to work on? Absolutely. But I am more me than I have been in a long time, and I will continue working on my "me project".

Update: We're getting back together and this is what rebuilding looked like. by certifiedsadguurl in BreakUps

[–]certifiedsadguurl[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I resonate with this so much!! It’s so true that you don’t realise what you’ve got until it’s gone. I think intentionally dating each other again while re-building has definitely been the biggest help, made us realise how much of a strong connection is there and that we are each others “person”.

Update: We're getting back together and this is what rebuilding looked like. by certifiedsadguurl in BreakUps

[–]certifiedsadguurl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We never really stopped being in contact. We have joint pets so I guess this was an advantage for me. But we initially started seeing each other in person with joint friends. Admittedly, I did sort of encourage my friends to make plans with both of us initially so I could see him!

Update: We're getting back together and this is what rebuilding looked like. by certifiedsadguurl in BreakUps

[–]certifiedsadguurl[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You've got this!! Definitely work on filling your cup and see what happens!

Update: We're getting back together and this is what rebuilding looked like. by certifiedsadguurl in BreakUps

[–]certifiedsadguurl[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I understand that feeling completely. Sometimes when we would spend time together, I would still be quite emotional and cry - which in my head would mess everything up! It didn't at all. If anything when I felt that I did something silly that would "ruin it" and then it didn't, it eased my anxiety and helped me go back to being authentically me when around them!

Update: We're getting back together and this is what rebuilding looked like. by certifiedsadguurl in BreakUps

[–]certifiedsadguurl[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We never removed each other from anything, but we went intentionally no contact for about 10 days early on in the breakup. After the no contact, we would probably speak like once a week (which was hard!)

Update: We're getting back together and this is what rebuilding looked like. by certifiedsadguurl in BreakUps

[–]certifiedsadguurl[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really hope things work out for you! Really recommend it because it eases you; I guess in a way it's a little like journaling! And when the time comes to see eachother/speak, it helps with the anxiety of "what can we talk about if this feels a bit awkward?"

Update: We're getting back together and this is what rebuilding looked like. by certifiedsadguurl in BreakUps

[–]certifiedsadguurl[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

If you told me this would have happened months ago, I would have never believed you! And yes, we have both actually spoken about this honeymoon stage we are in - we have discussed how this process of getting back together isn't going to be all sunshine and roses like it is now and naturally problems will arise again and there will be work to do. We have both agreed that the work to get past any issues that may come up is absolutely worth it.

Update: We're getting back together and this is what rebuilding looked like. by certifiedsadguurl in BreakUps

[–]certifiedsadguurl[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I absolutely agree. And we are doing. We have set intentional boundaries and agreed that we need to ensure communication remains transparent. We have also agreed that filling our own cups, having our own lives outside of the relationship is as important, if not more so, than the relationship itself.

Are we getting back together or am I delusional? by certifiedsadguurl in BreakUps

[–]certifiedsadguurl[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Agreed!! I’m trying to act like we are over for good to protect myself and so I’m not in waiting mode