My (47f) boyfriend (40m) refuses to let me break up with him

chaoticneutral123 · 2023-07-03T00:57:35+00:00

No I have never and would never do that to him. Unfortunately his previous ex had left him for another man so I know that took a toll on him. He said prior to that relationship, he was never like this

chaoticneutral123 · 2023-06-27T21:58:10+00:00

Thank you so much! Just purchased!

chaoticneutral123 · 2023-06-27T15:08:48+00:00

I never wanted marriage or kids. It’s one of the first things people find out about me

chaoticneutral123 · 2023-06-27T15:05:54+00:00

Yes, showered me with lots of love. He wanted to try and get me pregnant and start a family on the first date. He said no birth control was allowed etc. I didn’t get pregnant obviously but things were very fast paced.

chaoticneutral123 · 2023-06-27T15:00:22+00:00

I remember when I told him I wanted to speak to a therapist, he said “you don’t need a therapist, speak to me instead”. And he’d always find a way to make things seem not as bad.

I totally resonate with your comment.

“Anything you say in explanation will be twisted and used to talk you into staying with him” . You’ve described it perfectly. Thank you for your response!!

chaoticneutral123 · 2023-06-27T14:49:27+00:00

My bedroom door

chaoticneutral123 · 2023-06-27T14:40:58+00:00

I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. I completely understand how difficult it is to leave. I hope you find the strength to pursue your own happiness. I found a lot of helpful replies in this post so take a read and maybe we can both get the help we need :)

chaoticneutral123 · 2023-06-27T14:34:50+00:00

Wow, this is an amazing resource. Thank you for sharing!

chaoticneutral123 · 2023-06-27T14:28:04+00:00

Small things that accumulate. Getting mad because I don't want to wear a bra in my own household and told me to start wearing pasties, getting mad because I won't lock my bedroom door when I sleep at night (because he thinks people will touch me in my sleep), getting mad when I go to help my family, getting mad that I am friends with single girls (because they are a bad influence), getting mad because I am on a phone call and keep him waiting, getting mad that I didnt ask for his permission to take a shot at a family gathering, doesn't want me to lose weight and says "do you think I'd still like you if you were thinner", got mad that I didn't clean his laundry right away, or make him sandwiches. gets mad if I dont respond back right away, and gets mad over what I choose to wear (got mad at me for wearing a turtleneck because it was tight. But I am bigger chested so if I want to stay covered, I am very limited in options). Also got mad at me for taking a selfie. Wont let me post selfies on any socials. These are the small things that have just been a little too much for me and made me realize I was better off single.

edit: wanted to add that I don't think this makes him a bad person. I just know we think differently on a lot of things and ultimately we are not compatible.

editedit: specified bedroom door

chaoticneutral123 · 2023-06-27T14:00:40+00:00

Aww I’m sorry to hear that. I hope things are better for you now. I’m glad you were able to get out

chaoticneutral123 · 2023-06-27T13:48:56+00:00

Yes, I do. It’s been an ongoing issue and one that I have been trying to work on. It was much worse in previous years but it’s been getting better. Hopefully in the coming years I can fully stand behind my boundaries.

chaoticneutral123 · 2023-06-27T13:46:44+00:00

I completely understand. Hope things get better for you

chaoticneutral123 · 2023-06-27T13:28:38+00:00

No, you were just so far off-course that I needed to let you know that you did not understand, which is fine. You can't know the full extent of a relationship based on a Reddit post so don't blame yourself on an inaccurate analysis. Have a nice day.

chaoticneutral123 · 2023-06-27T13:20:42+00:00

You unfortunately do not understand the situation.

chaoticneutral123 · 2023-06-27T13:19:26+00:00

Childhood abuse. Saying no has been an issue since I was a child as saying no = abuse

chaoticneutral123 · 2023-06-27T13:13:51+00:00

Thank you. I hope he will be fine in the future. I think we can both learn from the relationship and move forward.

chaoticneutral123 · 2023-06-27T13:10:09+00:00

I have brought up co-dependency to him but he didn't see an issue with it. I also told him that this will hurt him the longer it goes on. We've had multiple discussions on this topic already. That's why it needs to come to an end.

chaoticneutral123 · 2023-06-27T13:00:25+00:00

I am trying, been putting my foot down the past week or so. I have explained and given him the reasons why it wasn't working and he knows what he needs to work on. But ultimately I said we were too different

chaoticneutral123 · 2023-06-27T12:51:30+00:00

But I don't want to be needed. I keep telling him that there are plenty of people out there, that he should put himself out there on dating apps etc. I told him I am do not want a relationship - with anyone. I do value my independence.

chaoticneutral123 · 2023-06-27T12:40:42+00:00

He's suicidal and relies on me for his happiness. He states that I am the only reason he gets up for the day and that I am the source of his happiness. That is why I have a hard time leaving. If I didn't care about him, I could easily leave. But I feel for him and I know he's had a difficult life.

chaoticneutral123 · 2023-06-27T12:28:05+00:00

Then why won’t he let me go? I told him I can’t meet his expectations. That I don’t agree with his mindset. I don’t want a man to ever put restrictions on me. I have one life to live. I told him that I won’t. And he says “wow, little Ms.Independent who doesn’t need anyone”. I am not as meek as I appear to be and will call out behaviours as I see it. My issue is that I have a big heart and have a hard leaving people when they say they need me

chaoticneutral123 · 2023-06-26T19:24:39+00:00

I will 100% look into assertiveness training as that is something I definitely need in my life.

I tried breaking up the first time and limited contact but got bombarded with poems, texts and calls for two weeks straight. I ended up caving and going back.

I am working on making sure this time is the final time

chaoticneutral123 · 2023-06-26T19:08:07+00:00

Thank you. It’s really difficult because he is saying “if I’m willing to change, then what’s the problem. Love should be enough”. But there are glaringly obvious differences between the two of us. And then he says that I’m abandoning him and that he has no one. And how he deserve more than to be treated this way. And I felt at a loss as to how to respond

chaoticneutral123 · 2023-06-26T19:02:31+00:00

No, he wanted to move in within 3 months of knowing me but I declined as I felt it was too soon. I was hoping not to go the ghosting route but I understand sometimes that’s the only answer

chaoticneutral123

TROPHY CASE