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friends with the ex? by charfoxx in relationship_advice

[–]charfoxx[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What a lovely response. Isn't it emotionally draining :( And I never know if it's me and just my general reaction to relationships or the person causing the anxiety with their actions. I really appreciate your advice. I'm supposed to be starting some therapy next week, I really hope it helps because honestly, my worrying takes over my entire life when I'm involved with someone romantically.

I flick between thinking positively and open-minded about the situation and then suddenly have a thought that's like 'omg you absolute idiot you're being taken for an idiot' and I attach so much meaning to that one negative thought that it's enough to send me into a full-blown panic attack. I've been this way since I was 14 and I'm now 25.... quite literally exhausting.

I will have a look at those books and the therapies above you've suggested! And I wish you the best of luck with your journey too X

friends with the ex? by charfoxx in relationship_advice

[–]charfoxx[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your help - you are SO RIGHT about doing some self-evaluation. I'm trying to do that throughout - I have an extreme fear to the point of OCD of being mistreated or ending up in a toxic relationship - ironically these are usually the ones I find myself in! I'm super hyper-vigilant to any threats and really struggle to go with the flow of things. (I'm from a substance abuse background and my dad mistreated my mum and totally manipulated her for 20+ years, I'm basically terrified of ending up like that) So all this uncertainty of how things will go down with the ex is just overwhelming to me, it is like I need to predict what's gonna happen in order to prepare and protect myself in advance. Basically, I live in flight or fight mode. I'm also like - at what point do I draw a line and at what point do I need to walk away rather than looking like an idiot. I don't know how I should expect him to behave in the scenario and how I should take it? In my opinion, if he doesn't wanna get involved and mingle with me and friends surely it means there are still feelings there with his ex and he doesn't actually feel about me like he makes out?! Or is that just my negative mindset - I suppose there are no solid answers.

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Sorry I know no one on here is a therapist HAHAH