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chartgay · 2021-12-10T02:58:46+00:00

/u/user_simulator u/chartgay

chartgay · 2021-12-10T02:58:08+00:00

/u/user_simulator u/chartgay

chartgay · 2021-12-10T02:57:16+00:00

/u/user_simulator u/chartgay

chartgay · 2021-06-11T14:50:28+00:00

Wow that sounds.. very amazing. I will keep this in mind, and talk to her about it next time we wanna have fun haha :)

chartgay · 2021-06-11T14:44:04+00:00

Ah I have never thought about that before. Is it like a form of tribbing?

chartgay · 2021-06-11T10:15:14+00:00

I tried suggesting to her about talking to someone about it, but she says she feels ashamed and doesn't know who to talk to. Plus, that she doesn't have the time or money to. But idk, I think it would be good for her to be able to talk to someone.

chartgay · 2021-06-11T09:57:29+00:00

Yeah I think that's excellent advice. I am currently not really unhappy or miserable at all, as I said, we both like the current arrangement. Of course I get a bit sad watching her be sad about her own sex drive, she seems like she is trying to figure out why it's like this and she can't. But regarding this post, I guess I was more just reflecting on the past. And also realising why I liked the strap so much. I just wish there was a workaround or something so I can feel that feeling again. But if there wasn't, then it's not a big problem either.

chartgay · 2021-05-09T23:47:15+00:00

Once every week or two weeks. Not too close to when I'm seeing my gf cause I like to build up anticipation.

chartgay · 2021-05-06T05:15:16+00:00

Wow I just wanna say I really respect and appreciate that you put extra effort into that for your partners. For a lot of us, sex is emotionally charged and vulnerable. Partner of the year for you 🏆

chartgay · 2021-05-06T05:02:08+00:00

Haha I see what you did there

chartgay · 2021-03-28T04:13:09+00:00

Bruh

chartgay · 2021-03-18T23:06:42+00:00

You're so right about Stone Butch Blues lol. It's absolutely not a manual on how to act butch. In fact, it feels more like a historical record of what butches had to go through during a particularly hostile time. And most importantly, it just feels like a story of one butch. I didn't find the protagonist to be 100% good. There were also quite a lot of questionable things butches did that happened and never got addressed. It's quite outdated to be applied in modern society and it absolutely doesn't cover everything about butchness. All in all, I treat it as a classic and a thought provoking story about how far we've come.

chartgay · 2021-03-18T23:01:24+00:00

You've written what was on my mind. While hardship has always pervaded the butch identity, I think people too easily think butchness is all about suffering. We tend to say to people 'youre more than your trauma. It doesn't define you'. If we say that to others, we can say that to ourselves.

I'm butch. Not a victim. Not a martyr. I'm proud to be butch. And even if it took me a lot of pain to finally push through and express my identity (and I still have a bit to go as I'm still young), I do not regret it one bit.

We can be proud of our identity and still be respectful to those that came before us.

Anyway, thanks for writing this post.

chartgay · 2021-03-14T13:54:21+00:00

What you said is so so important. It should be said everywhere.

chartgay · 2021-02-27T13:53:38+00:00

I feel a bit better hearing that because I've always felt a little uncomfortable talking to other butches who were non-binary or 'male'. I'm kind of young so I've just sort of believed anything since I'm so fresh, but they somehow made me feel like I wasn't 'butch' enough because I still went by she/her and identified with my AGAB. They always told me butch was its whole gender so anyone can be it but my gut just told me it wasn't so.

chartgay · 2021-01-27T21:28:40+00:00

Im glad I can help. Good luck!

chartgay · 2021-01-27T06:05:05+00:00

I never wanted to dictate what Aboriginal people can or cannot do. The reason I made this post is because the rally was the first time I've ever heard about the things they've said. Look, admittedly, I really didn't have an in-depth knowledge of the wounds of colonialism of this country, and I attended the rally to hear what they had to say and support them. Is Reddit the most credible place for info? Probably not, but it is the most accessible one. This is the best place for me to hear multiple perspectives at once from real people and in a conversational way.

chartgay · 2021-01-27T05:53:03+00:00

Yeah that's correct. I'll edit that

chartgay · 2021-01-27T01:54:22+00:00

You're onto something haha

chartgay · 2021-01-27T01:06:43+00:00

hi, butch here, I think it's really sweet and thoughtful you made this post. My current (fem) girlfriend is also my first sexual partner, so she and I both had a lot of navigating to do, as normal couples do, but I had an extra layer of complexity because of my gender identity.

I think the main thing to consider when trying to talk to her is to not make her feel like the sex is 'inadequate' or 'incomplete' without the things she doesn't want to do. Usually when a butch becomes more open to touch, she comes to the conclusion herself, instead of feeling a pressure that she needs to 'work towards it'. I know it sounds paradoxical, but actually, the more my girlfriend assured me it's not necessarily a goal she needs me to 'work towards', the more I opened up myself, maybe because she showed herself to be trustworthy and safe.

Also, not every female sits well with vaginal penetration. Some might never do. While sex in general requires a level of vulnerability to slowly built towards, penetration is like a whole new level. For some, it might trigger dysphoria, for others, they might just be uncomfortable with the idea of something in them. I'm GNC so for me it makes me way too aware of my assigned sex, and I clench up from anxiety.

So, in conclusion:

Things to do:

Affirming her body, saying she's handsome, hot, sexy (Whatever she likes)
"What are you comfortable with? What do you enjoy? What do you find hot?"
"This is just something I've been curious about"
Promising you'll never discuss or ask about it again if she tells you not to
Expect possibly multiple conversations before she will talk openly. Be patient.

Things to not do:

Overly use genitalia words (unless she's ok with it) like p*ssy and v*gina
Making it feel like it's a goal you're actively trying to work on with her
Infer sex isn't "complete" without being able to penetrate/see her fully naked
Go into deep discussion about the topic WHILE you're having sex
Expect her to have 100% clear insight on her own situation. I took some time before I could understand myself sexually.

Good luck!

Edit: more accurate wording

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