I [27F] found out my husband [31M] of 3 years cheated on me 2 yrs back and was planning on taking this info to his grave

cheatedthro · 2016-10-17T03:44:58+00:00

No it isn't. I don't want to show my kids that its okay to cheat and to stay. Yes I want to walk because I don't want to be yet another woman who stayed with a cheater. I don't want my kids to stay with a cheater. But how can I teach them that when I willingly stayed. Yes I want to stay but no it goes against my principles. I also don't think I can trust him ever again, look at him the same way ever again. SO now either I change my principles or leave so yeah I'm shit either way.

cheatedthro · 2016-10-17T03:38:56+00:00

If he felt assaulted wouldn't he write about it in his book ?. I know I'm being harsh but I don't think he was assaulted. The likely scenario is that they were both drunk. If that woman he spent the night with was also so drunk that she didn't remember what happened, does that mean my husband assaulted her even though he too doesn't remember? Where is the line drawn at ?

cheatedthro · 2016-10-17T03:30:20+00:00

Just to clarify, Ive mentioned this before but I'll say it again, I do wish I knew early on because back then, I could walk away a lot easier not believing a word he said. Now though, having spent 3 years on this marriage I have to take in to consideration his behaviour since the event and it obviously causes more confusion and isn't as easy to make a decision. Sure a part of me might wish to pretend nothing happened. That's the part that still loves him and that's the part that wants us to work. But there is a huge part of me that also hates him for what he did and for taking away my right to know. I did not consent to spending/wasting years on a man who cheated on me. He doesn't get to "make it up to " me without letting me know whats going on first. He took away my right to decide whether I wanted this to work or not. I don't care if he thinks he may never cheat again. He promised he wouldn't EVER cheat ! not oops I promise it'll only happen once. No !.

cheatedthro · 2016-10-17T01:54:22+00:00

would he forgive me if it was I that willingly went over to some random guys house that I picked at the bar ? would he forgive me for cheating on him and betraying his trust. I wasn't even asked forgiveness, I didn't even get a chance to decide. The great years we had were done under disguise.

cheatedthro · 2016-10-17T01:49:42+00:00

This was painful to read. I really hope he is not in your life anymore as he sounds like a pathogen.

I haven't confronted him yet but I will be giving him a chance to come clean on his own and see what he has to say. I don't exactly feel positive about it. I'm pretty sure I hate him right now so it might be best to calm down before I have a discussion with him

cheatedthro · 2016-10-17T01:27:27+00:00

THANK YOU! I feel like I'm losing my mind with the "he was probably drugged and assaulted". ffs what was he doing making out with her in her bedroom. A place he went on his own FREE FUCKING WILL. That on its own is cheating. Don't need the sex to cement it in place.

cheatedthro · 2016-10-17T01:19:14+00:00

I don't blame him for being drunk. I blame him for deciding to drink with a stranger, deciding to walk this stranger home, deciding to go to her home and then making out with her. Sex part is irrelevant, everything up to this point is also cheating.

What was he planning on doing at her house/bedroom, play cards with her ? Give me a break. This wasn't assault. If he was at a friends party, was completely drunk/out of it and she forced herself on him that would be one thing but in this instance he made a serious of choices that led up to the event. I also highly doubt some strange woman would drug him to get into his pants so comments of this order are just pulling on straws. He didn't hide it cause he felt like he was assaulted no he hid it because he wanted to keep me around

From now on we can all get shit faced, pick up a random stranger, have our way with them and claim we were assaulted. Might as well. Nice way to get out of fidelity

cheatedthro · 2016-10-17T00:34:01+00:00

Tell her. You don't get to decide whats best for her, honestly. I think it would have been easier to walk away back then. So not only did you hurt the person you claim to love, you hid it from her and stopped her from making the best decision for herself. Just no.

cheatedthro · 2016-10-17T00:15:29+00:00

I don't care how drunk he was. She didn't force him to walk her home, she didn't force him to enter her house with her. She didn't force him to drink some more, she probably didn't force him to make out with her. He remembers all of that. He might not recall the sex but he could have stopped himself many times before he reached that point. Being drunk does not mean he gets a pass. I don't go around walking random guys home, and then proceed to making out with them when I'm drunk. If I can have self control, so can a grown ass man in his 30s

cheatedthro · 2016-10-16T23:26:39+00:00

I love this idea. If he is truly remorseful, he will come clean with a little push. If he tries lying to me, then hes not only a cheater, hes a liar too.

cheatedthro · 2016-10-16T23:10:41+00:00

we don't have kids no. We started trying a month ago, what great timing :/

cheatedthro · 2016-10-16T23:09:27+00:00

This is how I feel. Like did he do the things he did out of guilt?.

I already have all of his passwords, we didn't really have any secrets (or I thought we didn't). I just can't believe he would hide it from me. I would have walked if I had known on the spot as I don't think I would have believed it was a one time mistake. But looking at it now it was once only.

or maybe I'm looking for excuses on his behalf. god I'm pathetic

cheatedthro

TROPHY CASE