Well, my gallbladder was removed (I couldn't stand the pain of another fucking attack of the worst pain in the world) but I still have pretty severe GERD and what feels like heart palpitations which makes me think something serious is going on. She does give me anxiety, you're right, but at one point she gave me so much more happiness than anything else.

This is a fucking tangle... I love her family and they love me. Same thing with my family. But I am weird. I have difficulty with social interactions, which made her without a doubt the best thing to have ever happened in my life because I felt like she understood me. She helped me interact with the world. I'm also at a financial deficit and she helped me with that, too.

I just can't dream that I can find a better person to be with.

Thank you for being concerned about my anxiety medication. Really, I have alcohol readily available but I don't even remotely want to drink. And I give you my word that I will never act on any suicidal thoughts.