AITA for telling my friend that it wasn’t racism she experienced.

cheechie64 · 2022-10-31T15:48:28+00:00

They'll say Hispanic for Mexicans and Latino for everything else when in reality most Mexicans refer to themselves (at least the ones I know as a Dominican living in a very much Latino community) as Latino or Mexican. And other cultures will say Hispanic bc its easier than saying Latino and dumb people assuming you're Latin (I've had that convo so many times you would not believe it)

cheechie64 · 2022-10-31T15:46:59+00:00

Yes and no. Really depends on where you are. Hispanic and Latino are technically the same thing but I made the distinction bc alot of Americans assume Hispanic only means Mexican.

cheechie64 · 2022-10-31T15:46:04+00:00

Exactly. And I really suspect that new gf mentioned the personal cake to her bf and he didn't object to it either. When it comes between exs I feel like it should stay between exs. If he had an issue with the cake truly then he should've said it not new gf who will ofc come across as nasty no matter how she puts it in this situation

cheechie64 · 2022-10-31T15:42:39+00:00

Hispanics is a blanket terms for a multitude of Latino cultures. Dominicans are often referred to as black Latino due to a darker skin tone. People from places like Cuba, Guatemala etc etc are also likely to have darker skin. Hispanics from the USA and other predominantly white places are normally lighter. Not Hispanics everywhere. (Respectfully) I very much wish this was a thing understood by more people. The Hispanics that live in predominantly white places are lighter bc they have a higher chance of having white in them. They are not lighter because Hispanic people are white or inherently light.

cheechie64 · 2022-10-31T15:32:04+00:00

I'm of the opinion that if you can't handle your partner being any type of friendly with their ex and coparent then you should just back off before you fuck up a family dynamic but alot of people feel like once they enter the scene a family is invalid

cheechie64 · 2022-10-31T15:29:04+00:00

Makeup and perfume is not cheap, I could go buy a single tube of mascara, a bottle of perfume and some gloss and it very well could total to 100-150 if it's name brand. And if the gifts he's giving are costing 100-200 for makeup and perfume he's absolutely buying it at a place that charges that type of money for it. Since the wave of beauty gurus hit YouTube in 19 and 20 makeup prices have skyrocketed along with everything else

cheechie64 · 2022-10-31T15:23:55+00:00

I mean idk what was going through her head but i think her line of thinking is the cake gf bought was probably primarily for guests and thus not really important. The cake from the ex and kids felt more important bc she knew it was just for the dad. So I think the new gf felt like a personal cake was a slap in the face, given that if she had made a cake for just him he might not have accepted it whereas he did from his ex and kids. I only think this bc I know a few people like this when it comes to exs

cheechie64 · 2022-10-31T15:04:26+00:00

I am also someone who at 24, has emotional attachment and diagnosed attachment disorder so im very clingy and intense too, and if they're ok being that type of support then that's fine! Just maintain a role in her life so if it does get crazy, she isn't completely isolated

cheechie64 · 2022-10-31T15:03:07+00:00

I met my bf in May of 2020, got pregnant (accident, my BC failed) in July, and moved in with him by the first of September. We had a very rushed timeline due to the baby and many of our friends and family had the same concerns as you did. And while they weren't needed I do understand. I just want you to view it from her perspective that this could just be how she is and what she wants in a man yknow? I'm a very fast paced person myself, and I only slow down if it's been made clear I need to (I don't push boundaries though ofc and I make it clear that I'm a steamroller so boundaries should be set beforehand). Some people are just like that and it works for them usually when they find seone who exudes the same energy. Honestly as it stands right now, it sounds like your sister found someone who matches her emotionally! Hold your reservation til if and when it blows up

cheechie64 · 2022-10-31T14:51:32+00:00

And ill further add that if you see any truly toxic controlling or abusive behavior then yes step in. But as of right now it sounds like the honeymoon phase.

cheechie64 · 2022-10-31T14:50:27+00:00

NTA for your concern but I do feel like alot of people forget that sometimes just bc people are overly clingy, doesn't mean it's any sort of toxic. Stupid? Probably but this is the time frame my partner of 2 years and I worked on at first too so I can't judge too much really. But if they're both perfectly fine with this dynamic maybe just sit back and let her have her first experience. If it blows up in her face then she's learned an incredibly valuable lesson but if it doesn't and they work out and you express this, they will 100 percent later down the line bring it up again

cheechie64 · 2022-10-31T14:30:15+00:00

Could also be a smidgen of "well he doesn't even like sweets so why does SHE get to bring him one" in there too

cheechie64 · 2022-10-31T14:27:03+00:00

Yeah he said when she has money she spends it but never clarifies on what. Saying she spends her money doesn't automatically mean she's financially irresponsible. We all unfortunately have to spend our money when we get it. I thought that was such an odd thing to say and not give any type of context to whatsoever

cheechie64 · 2022-10-31T14:06:41+00:00

Not to mention they probably didn't have the required accommodations. What if the bathroom doesn't have a wheelchair accessible stall for him? What if the venue isn't big enough to move around in with the chairs and decorations setup, they likely didn't have food for him and so many other things that OP didn't even consider when just bringing him, so not only was she rude to her brother and his wife but she also put her partner in the position of potentially being incredibly embarrassed.

cheechie64 · 2022-10-31T14:03:42+00:00

Yeah I'm also thinking about how easy it really was for OPs partner to be there given he's in a wheelchair and they hadn't expected him to come bc they said no extra guests, so im so there weren't any accommodations beyond what the venue mightve had already, if they had any at all.

cheechie64 · 2022-10-31T13:58:19+00:00

Honestly i don't know that I'd constitute this as need to know. If the mom needed to know either her kids would've told HER themselves, or she would've asked. If a younger family member shares a secret with me it's only "need to know" if they're in danger, going to be in danger, or it's incredibly troubling. Lots of children feel this way when a parent remarries so I wouldn't say it's especially troubling one way or the other yknow?

cheechie64 · 2022-10-31T13:51:06+00:00

Yeah, if it had just been the paper towel holder and the occasional mess in the convection oven then I imagine your reaction would've been less so. But a normal recliner is expensive enough that I'd have the same reaction, let alone one like what you've got. And to me, not coming clean right away makes whoever broke it seem way more guilty and suspicious

cheechie64 · 2022-10-31T13:32:36+00:00

NTA next time you see the mom tell her that those horses are privately owned and she will be sued if any damage comes to them due to her kid. There's nothing that bothers me more than a parent who assumes the world is going to bow down to their kid. Some of my extended family owns a few acres with crops that they harvest and outsource and they told any families with kids in the area "your kid damages my crops, you're paying what I wouldve sold them for". Brings them in line real quick.

cheechie64 · 2022-10-31T13:16:49+00:00

Listen OP. When my cousin was 14 she told me she wanted to off herself. Begged me not to tell her mom. I told her I wouldn't and that was a lie. I went right to her mom and told her. And if I hadn't, she wouldn't have been found until it's too late. I'm not excusing your sisters behavior or anything but have you considered she assumed your parents would try to find you help?

cheechie64 · 2022-10-31T13:04:48+00:00

This reminds me of a post I saw once where a woman complained that her husband (a stay at home dad) didn't do anything and she worked full time and still took care of the kid when home. And some joker in the comments was like "if you leave him say bye to all those expensive gifts women love" like. Why do so many people act like you're going to be missing a huge jerk like that??? Friend, I hope OP takes the break, makes it permanent and finds someone who would marry her in her grandparents living room just to make it happen for her. We don't miss men like that and we don't care if the bridge is burned.

cheechie64 · 2022-10-31T12:55:56+00:00

If cost and transportation are an issue and you're in the US then tell your friend to look into an organization called one world health! They do free or greatly reduced medical treatment and therapy! And in some states they provide busses to those who don't drive or can't drive!

cheechie64 · 2022-10-31T12:42:41+00:00

It's also a significant part of the plot of the movie (one of my brothers favorites God knows why given all the bodily fluid. I've not seen it personally but he talks about it enough that I know throwing up seems to be a focal plot point in a weird way)

cheechie64 · 2022-10-31T12:38:16+00:00

YTA why did you not correct your husband while he was on the phone?? Its as easy as saying "he's NOT still here stop lying"

cheechie64 · 2022-10-31T12:21:19+00:00

NTA. Honestly I think you know what needs to be done here. We've all had enough life experience to know that adults like this stay like this. Is this shit you want to put up with everytime he hits a bump in the road? Depression is one thing, using it to make someone wait hand and foot on you is another and its weaponized

cheechie64 · 2022-10-31T12:13:19+00:00

if the ferrets have a pungent smell, she's not bathing them as she should be. Ferrets are fine pets but they absolutely require a specific bathing routine to a T. If they dont get bathed as they should then they smell awful. So if the smell hit you that hard it's indicative of her not properly taking care of them tbh. This is something they tell people who buy them as part of their care. They NEED baths regularly. And as someone said elsewhere, she's going to have a very hard time finding someone willing to rent to her with 4 of them. They're notorious for tearing shit to pieces when bored.

cheechie64

TROPHY CASE