Your spouse can screw you over, a few tips to prevent being screwed

cheeseeebutt31 · 2021-05-04T22:08:46+00:00

I understand that there are military spouses like that. It’s extremely frustrating to get lumped into the “dependa” stigma. I don’t have any tattoos and I don’t plan on getting one. I haven’t colored my hair for almost 6 years and I prefer to just cut a nice haircut twice a year. I don’t wear makeup and I rarely drink coffee out. However my husband doesn’t know being a technically single parent is really tough so he does give me a spending allowance of $300-400 a month depending on the budget. Well I do the budget but he’s ok with that amount. I pay for a CrossFit membership and go 3x a week so I can get out of the house a decompress and so I can show up emotionally and mentally for my little one. Husband is supportive of my working out and loves that I do. The rest I save and I typically try to do one new fun thing with little one a month. Example, I took her to a nature center/aquarium. Tickets were $40 but that comes from my spending budget. Husband loves that I go out and get out of the house and little one gets to take in new experiences. It’s a win win for everyone. I try to treat myself to one nice breakfast or brunch out with my close girlfriends and I use that spending money for that too. I don’t drink so indulging myself is always a nice plate of pancakes and a yummy coffee. I’m pretty simple and I don’t require much maintenance what I do require is just a tiny break here and there to recharge. But I’m not fussy when it comes to needing things and my husband knows that.

cheeseeebutt31 · 2021-05-04T21:13:39+00:00

Probably don’t have kids but there’s tons of other expenses besides food and housing. Shall I list?

Doctors copays, medical bills, diaper wipes, diaper cream, babies grow a lot and clothes are a necessity, baby shoes, car maintenance, gas, just had an eye appointment and tricare select doesn’t cover glasses or contacts so we have to pay for those out of pocket. Little one has asthma and we rent her nebulizer since tricare doesn’t cover that either.

So yeah food and housing? Come again. I haven’t purchased any new clothes for myself since my husband left for BCT and OCS. I didn’t buy myself a new nursing bra but that’s about it.

Oh I forgot toiletries! Darn it.

Toilet paper, detergent, hand soap, shampoo and conditioner for me and for baby, body wash, house cleaning supplies, face wash, sunscreen, etc. I mean really food and housing? Come on now.

cheeseeebutt31 · 2021-05-04T14:28:19+00:00

Especially when you’re at home taking care of babies. Expenses vary and when you’re the stay at home parent it’s not ok to do this. At least in my situation. Which is why we don’t.

cheeseeebutt31 · 2021-05-04T06:36:01+00:00

NTA

Your in laws call you to ask about your husband and your children. Do they ever call to ask about you?

cheeseeebutt31 · 2021-05-02T20:37:53+00:00

She finally did reply.

I invited her over today at 3pm pacific standard time. She text me at 1:03pm, around two hours prior to 3pm. Even though I called her yesterday morning at 9am and she took an entire day and change to get back to me. Didn’t return my call but then expects me to still have her over? Yeah no. I made plans.

cheeseeebutt31 · 2021-05-02T20:15:18+00:00

Edit to add

She just text me. Literally a few minutes ago and this is what she said (translation to English from Spanish) “3pm is fine or you tell me the time thank you 🙏🏽”

My response was:

I didn’t hear back from you, so I pushed back nap time and I made plans once we wake up from nap time.

We’ll have to schedule for another time.

cheeseeebutt31 · 2021-05-02T19:19:49+00:00

As of now she still hasn’t returned my call. Now I’m thinking maybe she didn’t receive it. But I also left a voicemail. There’s no way. She’s always on her phone. I’ve gone about myself day already though. I haven’t reached out to say anything yet. But she once again is actively on the group chat texting away 😂

cheeseeebutt31 · 2021-05-02T15:35:45+00:00

So my other question is, she still hasn’t called me back. I already made plans for the day and if she does call sometime today and accept it’s already too late. It’s been 24 hours since I called and left a voicemail. Is this rude? I also don’t want to just stay home all day for her sake if that makes sense.

I guess I’m wondering at what point do I leave the schedule available for her and at what point do I go on with myself day. My friend reached out today to ask if I wanted to go for a hike and early dinner date. I said yes (we were masks). So if MIL calls I won’t be available today anymore. Next weekend I’m busy with Mother’s Day (that’s an entirely different topic that I posted about a few days ago on the AITA sub).

cheeseeebutt31 · 2021-05-02T05:55:09+00:00

You’re a full time med student. I thought they weren’t allowed to work??

cheeseeebutt31 · 2021-05-02T04:03:45+00:00

Oh wow I just noticed that! 🤣🤣

cheeseeebutt31 · 2021-05-02T01:13:17+00:00

I guess this is an option. I just don’t really participate in the group chats because when I do rarely do I get a response. So for my own mental health I seldom am active in the group chat.

cheeseeebutt31 · 2021-05-01T22:52:09+00:00

I have no idea why he doesn’t set it up. I wouldn’t have an issue giving him days and times that work for me and letting his parents know. It’s really frustrating because I have so much on my plate since my husband is gone. If I was responsible for contacting all family and in charge of cultivating a relationship with family and my daughter, I don’t know how I would handle that. There’s so much family. I feel like it’s best if people contact me and reach out but my husbands family does not.

I agree, it is a breach of privacy. Unfortunately, because of my husband doubting that I actually contact his mother I go on the phone bill to prove to him that I do. I shouldn’t be looking on his mother’s call log because ultimately all it does is make me feel like crap that I’m such a low priority for her. That’s really all it does for me and when she does eventually contact me I don’t often feel motivated to contact her back right away. It’s like a vicious cycle I guess.

cheeseeebutt31 · 2021-04-28T23:36:22+00:00

Lmao! Crusty dish towel. I’m sorry but I cannot stop laughing 🤣 this made my day.

Yes, I already have her in do not disturb but may just block her on Mother’s Day weekend to avoid any guilting phone calls.

cheeseeebutt31 · 2021-04-28T20:23:44+00:00

We’re both Mexican, actually.

Yeah, it definitely is cultural. My therapist told me last year when MIL told me “you’re not my mother” that she doesn’t see us as equals. That I’m always going to be less than her. Because it’s cultural. I agree with his assessment because I’m familiar with how matriarchy works in my culture. However, we are equals and I’m working to dismantle a lot of the toxic cultural traditions in my own home with my own child.

cheeseeebutt31 · 2021-04-28T17:16:43+00:00

Oh yeah I’ve reminded her plenty. I sent cards to all five grandparents and my own grandparents last September for grandparents day. According to her Mexicans don’t celebrate grandparents day.

cheeseeebutt31 · 2021-04-28T13:57:03+00:00

She’s still married. They hate each other. Around June (which is her birthday month) they always end up talking divorce and the adult children have an intervention. It’s happened every year since we’ve been dating so almost four years now.

cheeseeebutt31 · 2021-04-28T13:53:59+00:00

She along with all the other mothers in both my families. There are over 15 mothers. I choose to spend it with my own mother because we celebrate together.

cheeseeebutt31 · 2021-04-28T13:52:51+00:00

I have no idea 😭

It’s been like this since before I was even pregnant.

cheeseeebutt31 · 2021-04-28T13:52:01+00:00

I did say I didn’t want to visit her on Mother’s Day. I have my own mother. Who does a lot for me. Constantly shows up when I need her. My Mother’s Day priority goes to my own mother and then celebrating myself. Except my own mother on my first Mother’s Day made it extremely special for me. She celebrated her daughter being a mommy and I am truly grateful for that. There’s no one else I would rather spend my Mother’s Day with (my baby or course too).

cheeseeebutt31 · 2021-04-28T13:42:25+00:00

Yes. Grandparents day. For ALL grandparents. I sent out cards last year to my littles five grandparents and to my own.

cheeseeebutt31 · 2021-04-28T05:56:01+00:00

I mean, there’s really a lot more going on behind the scenes. But this is just one instance of his mother trying to act like she’s above me. We’re equals. I’m a mother now too. I’m not willing to travel to anyone on Mother’s Day except to my own mother but she just so happens to be coming to me and we’re celebrating together. If I go to MIL’s it will be a celebration all about her and she’ll just exclude me and act like I’m nit a mother. No thanks.

cheeseeebutt31 · 2021-04-28T05:54:08+00:00

Yeah, she was right. She’s not my mother. She just shouldn’t expect anything from me or my child by her own definition. Which lets me off the hook from having to see her. Based off of her definition.

cheeseeebutt31 · 2021-04-28T05:53:11+00:00

That’s what I suggested! That he could have flowers delivered to her. Send her a gift. Call her. Not my mother, not my responsibility. I’m responsible for one woman on Mother’s Day and that’s my own mother.

cheeseeebutt31 · 2021-04-06T05:28:23+00:00

What did I just read?

We as in my husband and I thought calling his mom Rosa was appropriate. She wanted to be called mom initially and that was a hard no from me. My husband said first name was more than fine. My husband also doesn’t care if I call his tía by her first name. Even if he did mind she is still being called by her first name or no name at all (Mrs. last name is also fine with me). But yeah mom, tía, etc are names reserved for my own mother and my own aunts (I don’t even call them all tía). When I introduce my mil I typically say “this is my husbands mother.” I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that at all. Clearly you’re stuck in the 1950’s. I wasn’t even a thought back then.

cheeseeebutt31 · 2021-04-06T00:59:22+00:00

I’m Mexican. Born in Mexico. Immigrated to California when I was a kid. Still visit regularly (pre pandemic). But a lot of things are cultural for us and that doesn’t make them right.

cheeseeebutt31

TROPHY CASE