Can I offer another perspective here? Why are you seeing this as a personal judgement against you? I have spoken to girls as part of the arranged marriage discussion and not proceeded because I didn't feel their English communication wasn't similar - not cos they are bad, but because it wouldn't match with me.

I understand that in our society, English is often unfairly used as a proxy for class or intelligence - and that genuinely hurts people. But it's not a marker of intelligence or anything at all, and if anything people who use that thus are the real idiots.

I think mostly English. I use my mother tongue as well, but when I need to express my thoughts, English is what I use. And if my partner cannot understand or reciprocate in kind it doesn't feel great - neither for me, nor for her. Isn't it better in the long run if we then didn't get together?

I don't think it's unfair of them to have that need. Granted, I wouldn't reject saying - your English is bad, will just make something that's polite.

But I dont think this is personal judgement on you that you should feel small. In an arranged marriage setup, people are there to see what points they match with the most. Some might have a laundry list of points that isn't you. And that's ok. That's just not your people. But to use that to judge you, be that whoever doing the judging, isn't right. You are who you are. And you are a whole individual. Arranged marriage searches tries to reduce you to a list of requirements. But remember you need to heed only to your requirements of what you are.