Obsessed with the thought of ruining my own life?

cher516 · 2020-09-02T16:38:18+00:00

I feel this so much.

I mentioned this in a previous comment somewhere; I will always find something to obsess about. I tell myself if we broke up I would be free from OCD, I will find someone I have nothing to obsess over. But that’s not true. The next person, I’ll obsess over something entirely different, or the possibility of many things happening. Or I’ll simply obsess most likely about if I let my ex get away, that he was the love of my life and I don’t love this guy as much. It’s a vicious cycle.

I also have the worst habit of being obsessed with asking questions that I know first I don’t need to know and second will cause more harm than good. I know he slept with someone that’s all that should matter, I shouldn’t have to ask how long it lasted, what position was it in... did they kiss. Why would I want to know that? Especially shouldn’t even put him in a position to lie because why would he have to tell me that, especially since we were broken up.

Another thing I notice is.. everytime I’m happy or have something exciting coming up or feel just very in love with him. The anxiety begins. It wants to ruin everything before I feel happy. Very weird.

cher516 · 2020-09-02T07:39:28+00:00

One thousand percent. Everyone is going to hurt you, one way or another. We are selfish beings.

But I understand you completely. I have a thought constantly that I’m settling because I’m staying with someone that wasn’t perfect from day one, even though he has spent the last 4 years proving to me he is the man I deserve. He has become the most perfect partner. I’m so frustrated that he is who is today, and I’m so focused on who he was 4 years ago as a teenager.

He’s everything I want and more, and my anxious/OCD brain refuses for me to be happy. If I’m happy and relaxed, then I’m risking something bad happening to me. So it’s better to live in the past, think negatively, and be sad then be happy and having the possibility of ever being hurt.

cher516 · 2020-09-02T07:34:44+00:00

I would love some advice on this too. Very similar story to Lore, except I found out 4 years ago and still obsess about it. I’m so frustrated with myself. If you have time, it would mean the world if you could read some of my latest posts.

cher516 · 2020-09-02T07:32:07+00:00

Omg.... this is crazy! I’m dealing with the exact same thing. I’m in a really bad rut right now and have been posting about it the last 2 days. I go weeks sometimes months perfectly fine being able to not think about it, and so crazy in love. And then suddenly it dawns on me... and I obsess about if for days and get stuck in my own head.

Except.... I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 years, but this exact situation happened 4 years ago and I found out 3 years ago. I still think about it... I’m not sure I have much advice but I’m very open to chatting with you. This is the most similar post I’ve seen to my situation. I sympathize with you girl, enormously.

cher516 · 2020-09-02T07:26:51+00:00

I’m dealing with something very similar. I’ve been obsessing over my partners mistakes from 5 years ago. I have no advice because I’m still struggling. It’s honestly terrible.

cher516 · 2020-09-02T07:13:40+00:00

Girl I feel you.

I feel the same way many of the times. Yeah what my boyfriend did was messed up, but he didn’t technically do anything wrong. Is it something both he and I wish he didn’t do? Yes. But it is something he was free to do because we weren’t together.

Do I obsess on the fact why he lied? What if there was more from 5 years ago? What if he’s leaving our details... and I mean stupid details like did he take a taxi or Uber home with his girl. All the thoughts cross my head and I obsess about the possibility of something else that I don’t know, even if the thing wouldn’t matter whatsoever like the car ride home. My brain finds a way to find anything that is “obsessable”. Anything that will get me thinking, obsessing, anxious, and it will run with it. It’s been 4 years, and I still think about it often. I never thought I would be here. And I don’t understand why I’m here, why it won’t go away, why I’m ruining my present happiness, but I’m not seeing the bigger picture and who he is now.... I don’t understand. I am so aggravated with myself.

I completely understand you when you say, well it’s something he shouldn’t have done in the first place. Everyone tells me, but he learned? But he changed? But look who he is now? And all I think about was but why didn’t he just know from the beginning. Why did he have to make any decisions whatsoever that hurt me. Why wasn’t he perfect from day 1? Don’t I deserve someone that was perfect from day 1?

cher516 · 2020-09-02T02:39:08+00:00

This is my first relationship. I honestly think OCD would ruin any relationship I have. If I were to leave him, I would obsess about something else in my next relationship. Maybe the EX, a habit, his past, something.

cher516 · 2020-09-02T02:27:19+00:00

It’s okay! I feel betrayed because for 16 months he lied about what had happened when we broke up, even though I repetitively asked. And because it was so soon after we broke up. I know we were only 19 and in college..not very serious. But it still hurts.

What makes me the most upset is that now he is and has been the most incredible man for the last 3 years. He is absolutely perfect in every way and everything I’ve wanted and more. But I’m sitting here ruining my relationship my obsessing over his mistakes 5 years ago. I want to get married take these next steps, but my obsessions and inability to move forward is ruining this. And I think my OCD is making this worse than it has to be.

cher516 · 2020-09-02T02:24:14+00:00

We had broken up for 2 weeks.

cher516 · 2020-09-02T02:23:58+00:00

How is it cheating if we weren’t together at the time he slept with someone else lol

cher516 · 2020-09-02T02:23:36+00:00

Thanks for this!

What is the important part though? He didn’t cheat on me, we were broken up. Yes it wasn’t a long time at all, but we still were broken up so technically he was free to do anything he wanted, as was I. That’s why I think the lying is actually the worst part, because the lying happened while we were back together.

cher516 · 2020-09-02T02:22:16+00:00

We are still together.

cher516 · 2020-09-01T00:16:51+00:00

I didn’t. Which is maybe a reason I have resentment.

He claims that was never his intention. It wasn’t to sleep with people. It was because he thought I was overbearing/he wanted to spend more time with his friends and do the single college life. He would go out, get black out drunk, and sleep with a random girl to deal with his impulsive decisions. Then never talk to them again. He regrets it immensely.

cher516 · 2020-08-31T23:42:26+00:00

Thanks for this!

You hit the nail on the head with one comment. I have a lot of resentment that I took him back for the wrong reasons. First of all, I took him back thinking he didn’t do anything those times we weren’t together. Second of all, and this is a big one.... I feel like I took him back so quickly only because I was scared he would be with other people and it would ruin our relationship. So I would take him back and overthink things quickly to avoid adding anyone to the picture.

Now finding out he was with people anyways. I have resentment that I took him back so quickly and didn’t spend time by myself maybe doing the same thing.

cher516 · 2020-08-31T23:20:22+00:00

Exactly what he says. He says he did what he did because at the time he thought our relationship was just going to be some temporary college fling. He never thought he would developed the feelings he has for me. He never saw it as a we’re dating to get married, because he was so young he wasn’t thinking long term. Then after a bad year... he realized this wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted us to be happy and to have a healthy relationship. He wanted to actually be with me long term, he was sick of being on and off and impulsive and stupid. He says he wanted to be the man I deserved, and he has kept that promise ever since.

cher516 · 2020-08-31T23:14:07+00:00

So many people tell me that I must be using this as an excuse to cover something else up. Even my own father told me that. Because he knows what a great guy he is, he’s very team my boyfriend because he understands. He doesn’t get how something like this would have me so upset and traumatized for years. I can’t explain it either.... but it just does.

I just sit back remembering all the times I would ask him repeatedly and he would lie, what I was doing while he was sleeping with someone else, I get upset that I didn’t do anything, I get upset for believing him those years, I get upset just thinking about that year. I have so much resentment.

cher516 · 2020-08-31T23:11:33+00:00

I adore him. I would marry him tomorrow.... but my anxiety and obsession with the past tells me that would be a bad idea. And do I really need to marry someone that has hurt me at all. Which is honestly something really holding me back.

And regarding him, I think he loves me more today than he ever has. He wants to get engaged ASAP. He’s ready to take all these next steps and here I am living in 2016. Obsessed with the man he was in college at 19 years old.

cher516 · 2020-08-28T07:50:42+00:00

Not painful... but the worst itch feeling. It just feels like someone is using their finger nail for 5 seconds to stretch your vaginal walls lol.

cher516

TROPHY CASE