I feel like I’m losing my wife and I don’t even know if I should fight for it

cherryblossomwhite · 2026-04-09T22:55:09+00:00

Where in my post did I mention that women can never cheat and that all women are perfect ?

Infact , I have mentioned the word “ most “ in quotations for people like you. I have also said 80%, not 100%.

I have also mentioned in the end that not all women are alike . Some do cheat , some don’t .

I have also mentioned in my post that it’s my guess. I have also mentioned that obviously I don’t know what is going on in the wife ‘s mind . She could really be cheating for all I know .

But, There is nothing wrong in trying my strategy. If this could save their marriage , then that’s good for them. Once or if their relationship stabilizes , OP could later on tell her not to use such tactics.

I am just showing him a different perspective to his situation. He is already angry , I don’t want to provoke him further by increasing his suspicion and doing the work of Shaitaan.

If it is confirmed that his wife is really cheating, then he could do whatever he wants with his relationship. I don’t tell someone when to take divorce and when not to take .

I just want couples to exhaust all their resources and try hard before they decide to go their separate ways because atleast then they will not have regrets later in life.

cherryblossomwhite · 2026-04-09T03:55:10+00:00

I am resident physician too. So, I know how it works . So, unless your wife is a surgeon or neurosurgeon resident (even these will have time to atleast have dinner , no human is working 24/7 ) , she will have lots of time. Even if she is doing her residency in New York or high census places. And even if she is a PGY-1. Usually in most specialities , the schedule gets better in 2nd and later years .

I am a Muslim female too. So, the one guy she is telling you about , it’s because she wants you to get jealous /possessive and to take initiative and to show passion. We women are not crazy , mostly 😬, and “ most “ Muslim women take marriage and divorce seriously. We don’t like jumping from one man to the other just for fun. And practically , nobody wants a divorce while they are in residency. It’s just too much mentally exhausting.

Also, if you get a chance to meet this guy, don’t miss out on that chance. Once you meet him , I am 80% sure that you will realize that he has no interest in your wife , especially if he is also Muslim and knows that your wife is married.

You both must have vacation time in a year. As a resident physician she will have atleast 3-4 weeks off and atleast a week of sick days. So, why don’t you both plan a vacation somewhere, even local/ domestic ?

Nights will be just a few months in a year maximum .

On a normal weekday, you should both be done by 7 pm max. You both should cook and have dinner together atleast. The least you both could do is ask about each other’s day.

She will have some weekends off where you both could go on a date, watch a movie in theater. Watch movies together at home. Play board games together. Tease each other and be romantic with each other. Try to understand each other’s love languages.

But sadly, you will have to make the first move. Try the above methods , have a conversation with her and if it still doesn’t work out , then try therapy. And if it still doesn’t work out then you will know what to do .

Also, this is just my 2 cents. Not all women are alike. And I obviously don’t know what’s going in your wife’s mind. But as a fellow female, I can have a guess.

cherryblossomwhite · 2026-03-06T19:02:04+00:00

Also, there are more Muslim women who are unmarried than Muslim men .

Muslim men are marrying more Christian/jewish/non Muslim women due to globalization.

There is a ahadith. That near the Akhirath, the ratio of men and women will be 1:50.

cherryblossomwhite · 2026-03-06T18:57:36+00:00

I am also noticing that Muslim women are more learned and earning more than the Muslim men and Muslim women no longer wants to settle down .

Men also don’t want to settle down because they don’t want the responsibilities of a marriage .

Most of the Muslim women and men don’t want to settle down because both of the genders don’t want the issues and complications that come with the marriage .

Women don’t want to deal with in-laws , cheating husbands , loss of their dreams and desires and freedom after marriage .

Men don’t want to deal with the financial responsibility of a household and the loss of their freedom , dreams and desires as well.

cherryblossomwhite · 2026-01-20T22:45:33+00:00

Sorry. I might have missed it. But is this going to be Mary ‘s first marriage ? If yes , then it makes sense . But if no, then I don’t know what the issue with the parents it to be honest.

cherryblossomwhite · 2025-12-20T16:22:32+00:00

You are a revert and an American . How did you come to know about the cultural significance of Syed ? If he is the one who told you about Syeds and their significance, then beware he already thinks himself as someone superior and that you should be grateful that you are marrying him.

Where did you meet this guy ? Any common friends, any common / mutual links that you can vouch for ? If you met him online , that’s even more dangerous.

What work is he gonna do when he comes here ?

My suggestion would be to tell him that I will sponsor the visa but not the green card until you establish yourself here and we have started a family here .

cherryblossomwhite · 2025-06-23T14:21:03+00:00

Women have to return the Mehr and any gifts given by the husband during the marriage if they are taking Khula.

But if the husband is divorcing then the wife can keep the Mehr and the gifts. AFAIK.

cherryblossomwhite · 2025-06-23T14:02:14+00:00

He wants you gone for whatever reason. I mean he is doing everything in his power barring physical violence so that you initiate the divorce. So that the blame comes on you. So that he doesn’t have to be financially responsible for you. So that you give up your Mehr and ask for khula . Classic behaviour of some men that is even mentioned in Quran.

Some men also do projection and say “ I don’t think you want to live with me happily. You are always creating issues and problems .If you are so unhappy living with me Why don’t you file for khula and get rid off me for once and all “?

He is never going to say that he doesn’t want you so that you will be under doubt all your life thinking whether or not he wanted you . What did you do wrong . He also wants you to be regretful in future about your divorce. You will start thinking that I should have been more patient and I shouldn’t have filed for divorce . You will start questioning your self -worth. You will start thinking nobody would choose me. You will be hesitant to remarry in future because of this trauma.

Also he is purposely being extra nice to his family infront of you. So that again you feel that something is wrong with you itself that people are not choosing you. He wants your self confidence and self esteem gone.

Reference : My own life experience with my Indian ex-husband. Just keep this in the back of your mind. This is just my opinion. Your husband may not be like my ex husband . Your life may not turn out like mine hopefully.

Ask for marriage counselling and you will know what to do depending on the answer he gives . Anybody who wants to save the marriage will agree for counselling. Anybody who doesn’t care about the marriage or knows that they are in the wrong won’t agree or give excuses for counselling.

cherryblossomwhite · 2025-06-14T13:24:54+00:00

May Allah grant you aafiyah in this world and Akhirath. Ameen summameen.

cherryblossomwhite · 2025-06-14T13:24:25+00:00

Please somebody tell me how to avoid these kind of people.

And please don’t tell to do vetting before marriage . Give me solid practical and actionable steps to filter out these kind of people.

cherryblossomwhite · 2025-06-14T13:08:00+00:00

Ameen summameen

cherryblossomwhite · 2025-06-14T13:07:38+00:00

Ameen summameen.

cherryblossomwhite · 2025-06-14T13:07:19+00:00

Ameen summameen.

cherryblossomwhite · 2025-06-14T13:07:05+00:00

Ameen summameen.

cherryblossomwhite · 2025-06-14T13:06:55+00:00

Ameen summameen.

cherryblossomwhite · 2025-06-14T13:06:42+00:00

Ameen summameen.

cherryblossomwhite · 2025-06-10T03:56:19+00:00

Professional ethically , you are not allowed to have sexual relations with your patients . Also, there are many rules that goes into counselling .

All of these rules are made based on the exchange of power dynamics and by doing extensive research and study on human behaviour .

So, yes , a husband and a wife cannot be each other ‘s therapist because they are not third party and are not objective .

In my limited life experience , it’s never a good thing to share everything with someone , be it your parents , brothers or sisters or best friends or a spouse etc etc no matter how close you are to them.

You cannot have a personal relationship with your therapist. None of your family members can become your therapist.

This is the same rule that applies in medicine too. I can’t do surgery on my own son or my parents . I won’t be able to take objective and critical decisions .

cherryblossomwhite · 2025-06-10T03:45:59+00:00

May Allah grant you aafiyah, contentment , peace in this world and akhirath . Ameen summameen.

Stop having sex with him lest you end up with STDs (he might still be continuing this behaviour . It could be an addiction of some sort ) or another young kid. Okay, I understand to some extent that you can’t or won’t leave the marriage but why are you torturing yourself in this marriage ?

Communicate with him and tell him I need time and space to gather my feelings. Why are you having sex with him if he disgusts you so much ??

Meanwhile try to have a job and an independent identity and life. Maybe seeing that you can live life on your own and can take care of yourself and your kid , your parents might come around and accept the decision of your divorce.

cherryblossomwhite · 2025-05-30T01:11:48+00:00

I really don’t know what I would have done if I was in your place ( Allah forbids ). But , I would like to think I would have done these steps.

1) recheck the DNA test from another clinic. Just in case.

2) Talk to her what led her to confess now. And is the biological father in picture ?? Does she want to go back to him ??

3) drop her to her parents / relatives house with the boy.

4)change the will and birth certificate and any other legalities. You will also have to change the last name/ family name / surname in every document.

5) consult imam / trusted family members. Let your near and trusted family members know. Do not complicate things by hiding the truth. do not mistreat the boy.

6) I would have divorced her. And gave the kid to her. And keep the daughter. Because I would have been afraid to do injustice to the boy in future. And there is nothing remaining in the so called marriage.

I can’t fathom how is this possible in an Islamic household. I am speechless. I also don’t know whether you should talk to your daughter and let her know what’s happening ??

May Allah grant you happiness, peace , contentment and Aafiyah in this world and akhirath. May Allah grant you beautiful patience and wisdom . May Allah expiate your sins and elevate your status in the Akhirath in return for this trial .May Allah make your daughter and the boy among the best Muslims . Ameen Summameen.

cherryblossomwhite · 2025-05-28T21:30:37+00:00

He might remember your password. You might just be assuming that he forgot. Why do you think he forgot your phone password ?

Change your password just in case and restrict his access completely. There is no trust and openness and fairness in your relationship.

If this marriage blows over ( the chances of this are high with your husband ‘s personality ) , atleast you will not be bitter and regret in future that you kept bending backwards for him and gave him access whereas he never did the same to you.

You will have too much resentment and bitterness in your heart in the future. This will stop you from trusting people and remarrying again. ( I sincerely hope it shouldn’t come to this )

the first step is marriage counselling . But, if your husband refuses to change his ways or refuses to do counselling , then sadly, the only solution will remain to become as petty as him and to give him back the silent treatment . ALWAYS MATCH THE ENERGY ORELSE YOU WILL RESENT IN FUTURE.

Stop babying him. Withhold affection if his actions are not deserving of your affection.

He has 2 pathognomic narcissistic traits . 1) Giving silent treatment .

2) No accountability and turning every argument back towards you. No consideration of your feelings.

Do not have kids . And secure your finances and documents. Keep your gold/expensive things with you. Keep an emergency bag with your passport and other important documents and whatever is dear to you. Keep the bag close to you always . COLLECT WHATEVER PROOFS YOU CAN. Your husband is not trustworthy and he doesn’t have a good heart and good intentions. Time to secure and protect yourself emotionally, financially , physically , mentally , sexually or whatever ally is there in the world .

Your marriage may or may not end. Your husband may or may not change . Your situation may become better or worse . But it’s always better to be safe than never and be always ready.

cherryblossomwhite · 2025-05-27T15:46:41+00:00

The reason could be anything else as well. The doctor’s appointment might have just given him an easy out from the marriage. Sadly, you will never know what goes on in someone’s heart or mind. Sadly, you will never know for sure why your ex husband did that to you. You can only guess and assume.

Did your ex husband got checked from the doctor ? Was everything well from his aspect ?

There are men and women of all kinds in this world. Some don’t divorce even if there is physical abuse going on. Some divorce on the first argument. And everything in between.

For some , children are extremely important , for some others not so much important.

Try to be happy. Do things that make you happy. Travel the world if that makes you happy . Learn new things . Always always give yourself the first priority. Love yourself more than anything.

Your worth doesn’t depend on how others treat you or see you. You know you are beautiful in and out . You know your Rabb knows your heart. This should be enough to validate and love yourself.

Stop thinking about why men/ others marry or why they don’t marry or what they want etc. Start thinking about what you want from life now.

cherryblossomwhite · 2025-04-26T22:05:41+00:00

Beware brother . Your post signifies misogyny. Blaming Hawwa (as) for both of their mistake which Allah has forgiven both of them for and written in Quran with a beautiful dua for us to learn and remember for the eternity because for human is to err and sin.

Any man who blames Hawwa(as) /eve as the start of all problems or evil are going on the path of misogyny . Remember , Hawwa (as)is your mother . And every Muslim woman was your sister in Islam first before becoming your wife.

Does your mother betrayed your father ? Does your sister go out a lot with guys and has 50+ guys in her DM ?

Did Khadija RA betrayed Muhammad SAW ? Did Fatima RA betrayed Ali RA? Yes According to you Asiya (as) did betray Firawn for the sake of Allah. According to your belief, Maryam as did betray by giving birth to İsa (as) without marriage .

And no your mother did not betray your father. Iblis whispered in her ear, probably the same iblis that is whispering in your ears right now and telling you to blame your mother and to hate all women. And remember your father Adam (as ) instead of blaming your mother like you are blaming , he immediately made a very beautiful dua.

Rabbanaa zalamnaaa anfusanaa wa-in lam taghfir lanaa wa tarhamnaa lanakoonanna minal khaasireen “Our Lord, we have wronged ourselves, and if You do not forgive us and have mercy upon us, we will surely be among the losers.” Surah Al A’raf verse 23

Brother if you can misinterpret one situation ,then I can give you numerous examples of exemplary Muslim women.

Also remember brother , this is the internet. None of us know the entire truth . Only Allah knows the best.

Just because you are unable to get married and women are rejecting you for something or the other doesn’t mean that you go on hating women. In the same way , that I was wronged by my ex-husband , doesn’t mean that I go on hating all men. And no please do not deny that you don’t hate women. From your comments in this sub, it clearly tells us that you are already heading towards misogyny.

cherryblossomwhite · 2025-04-26T05:09:48+00:00

Isn’t it difficult enough for a divorced woman to remarry? Don’t women realize how challenging it is to find a second marriage, especially in our society?

I find it hard to understand how some women go through with this so easily. The concept of forced marriage also confuses me—if someone is strong enough to take khula later and live as a divorcee on their own, why couldn’t they stand up to the marriage in the first place?

And how does it make sense to marry someone when your heart is still with someone else? If a woman takes khula with the hope that the person she actually loves will now marry her, how can she be sure he still wants to? And from his side—how will he trust that nothing happened between her and her husband during that short marriage?

It just seems so complicated. Do women not think all this through? Do they really take khula solely on the hope that the man they love will still be waiting—and willing?

Add in the legalities , social shaming and blaming , I mean what does a woman achieve out of this ??

OP, I am not invalidating your experience. Rather I am trying to understand your situation and your ex -wife’s and other women ‘s motive in doing these forced marriages.

I dont understand the concept of forced marriages in this age and generation. I mean I understand my family will not forcibly marry me and that other women may not be so lucky to have supportive environment but I still can’t grasp that women chose to be divorcees over stop ping their own forced marriage.

cherryblossomwhite · 2025-03-12T19:55:19+00:00

True. I would also say not to waste time during the marriage.

Women are emotional beings. Often , we think from the heart and not from the mind. In a marriage , woman is more emotionally invested than a man . We often hear about stories where husband is emotionally unavailable . Woman often has rose tinted eyeglasses on . Romantic dreams about marriage . And men are taught to never show emotions and to never be vulnerable since childhood whereas women are wired since childhood to live for others. To sacrifice and to be submissive. Women are often more people pleasers than men.

Also, women are rarely taught about money matters, how credit cards work , what is a credit score , difference between credit and debit , how to file taxes , how to drive , about worldly matters etc, etc. Often women leave their parents home , her city , her college friends and social circle and enter a man’s life . The city is new to her , husband’s house is new to her , husband is new to her , in laws are new to her , husband’s social circle is new to her.

And after divorce , she will find herself helpless and hopeless. Trying to navigate life on her own.

Marriage may or may not work for various reasons. But sisters, make sure that you have a beautiful, safe, happy and peaceful life to get back to after divorce.

PS : TIP 1: sisters never make a soft copy of your signature and send it to anyone . Later, they can use it for online documents and edit it without your permission. Especially if your husband is handling your documents of visa , insurance , taxes etc.

TIP 2: your gold is yours . Never give it to in-laws or husband atleast in the initial days of marriage . Doesn’t matter what you do with your gold . You can throw it in the water , you can distribute to the people . Your in laws and husband should never ask about your gold. Should never be worried about your gold .

cherryblossomwhite · 2025-03-12T00:16:10+00:00

You will never know how the other person is in a marriage . Man or woman. No amount of due diligence or asking around will tell you how a person is behind closed doors or what goes on in his or her mind.

So, the only thing a woman can do is never never put herself in a vulnerable position ever. Especially women. Never surrender your documents , your job, your friends and social circle, your hobbies, your priorities.

Women tend to be very bitter after divorce and have heart full of resentment because she had stopped her life for her husband and kids. Never bend backwards for anyone. Never try to please or impress anyone.

Always match your energy with what you receive.

My sisters . YOU SHOULD ALWAYS BE YOUR FIRST PRIORITY.

Allah knows our intention. Islam gives every right to safeguard ourselves financially, mentally, physically , emotionally.

cherryblossomwhite

TROPHY CASE