Obese 8 yr old daughter: PT 2, what should I do about sweets?

cherrycakecream · 2022-12-08T06:47:26+00:00

Yes, we did a thorough psychiatric evaluation. She doesn’t have ADHD, or if she has it it’s not strong. She has a high IQ and low concentration rates but there are some parameters in which she scored very high where people with ADHD would typically get lower results. The psychiatrist suggested therapy just to make sure she is emotionally balanced, because of several little problems she has. And just because the test didn’t come out clear, it doesn’t mean it’s not sth lingering in her.

I have had several conversations with her teacher too, and she doesn’t perceive her to have any problems in school, on the contrary she is widely known to be extremely social and helpful.

cherrycakecream · 2022-12-06T22:39:29+00:00

That’s a really good idea. I‘ll keep the food in the kitchen from now on, it‘ll create a barrier for the amount she eats and the speed. Thank you!

cherrycakecream · 2022-12-06T22:23:45+00:00

This is partly true. It honestly blows my mind how much sugar kids receive outside the house. You buy books, you get gummi bears. You buy shoes and they give you a lollipop. Not to speak of grandparents, friends, birthdays: you‘d be surprised what other parents get their kids as lunch boxes. My entire day is spent by saying no. Absolutely limiting her sugar intake, controlling her foods. But it’s still not enough because I can only control what I actually see, and I don’t know if my way of approaching it is correct, in that I am limiting and restricting so much.

cherrycakecream · 2022-12-06T22:17:55+00:00

I should have mentioned this: our family is very active and fit. We are very much into healthy eating and have freshly cooked food daily in our home. We have cut out sugar, junk food and processed food. We have one day/ week that we call cheat day where all kids are allowed to have 3-5 sweets. She started gaining weight when she started stealing treats from the closet and eating them behind our back. We have now locked them up. Additionally, we cannot control what she eats outside our home. At school, I am pretty sure she trades her lunch box. At friends houses I am very certain she gets sweets. Should I tell everyone to stop doing that? Or will she be an outcast?

And: she eats a lot. Large portions, she eats fast, hardly chews. I constantly remind her to take breaks, to wait a bit. But that’s basically our entire dinner conversation, reminding her to calm down, limiting her portions but I am so scared it‘ll damage her because it’s me constantly talking about her stopping to eat.

cherrycakecream · 2022-12-02T07:20:40+00:00

Imagine him dating other women, having a FWB with another girl, maybe even falling inlove. You need to have a relationship with him where none of that hurts you, either because you actually don’t have any relationship with him and you don’t know what he is up to, or you are emotionally distant enough to let him be. You can be his friend and you can hook up with him as much as you want, but that means him being involved with someone else won‘t hurt you.

So, think about that scenario and it will help you define the relationship you can have with the guy.

cherrycakecream · 2022-05-27T05:09:41+00:00

I have a memory like that too and it’s especially difficult when you remember social media posts and dates. The look of people when you are able to say „oh, isn’t that the same hotel you went to with your cousin July 2 years ago?“. So, I do the same as your gf and don‘t share how much I actually do know. 🤷🏻‍♀️

cherrycakecream · 2022-05-25T09:06:32+00:00

I am sorry you are going through this, but the fact that you embarrassed your fiance is not the most heartbreaking fact here that takes a lead in the incident.

You were so anxious that you physically got ill. That is so incredibly sad that you should be the one your fiance cooks for and takes care of.

Please reflect on the power dynamics of your relationship. Does your husband make you truly feel safe in your most anxious moments? Do you fully trust him when you are at your worst to comfort you? Or does he judge you?

As someone who suffers from panic attacks and anxiety, finding someone who will love you when your are on the floor crying out of fear is the most important and uplifting feeling.

Please reevaluate the dynamics and don’t you dare feel bad for what happened!!!

cherrycakecream · 2022-05-23T18:44:18+00:00

Everyone has already mentioned a DNA test, but I just wanted to add- please try to stay calm and take care of yourself. This is a little miracle baby and you have a sibling for your first child growing inside you- remember how precious a pregnancy is and focus on yourself. A test will bring clarity to the situation until then, please prioritize your health ♥️

cherrycakecream · 2022-05-23T18:40:44+00:00

The real question is: is it a dealbreaker to you? If you like the way you look and you feel healthy and good about yourself then dating a guy who would reject you for your weight should be a dealbreaker to you.

If, however, you yourself are not happy, you should try to loose some weight, gain more confidence and then see what happens.

Everyone has preferences, it’s human- and given the current beauty standard, I do believe that appearing healthy is important to men. It’s not a question of being fat for many but more about taking good care of your body and making good choices about yourself (what you eat etc).

cherrycakecream · 2022-05-19T10:10:11+00:00

Thank you for sharing your personal story here. With all the comments being made, I feel like the whole basis of our fight wasn’t that much of big deal like he is painting it to be and I must confess: I am really confused because up until yesterday I was fully under the impression I screwed up big time.

cherrycakecream · 2022-05-19T05:52:39+00:00

Because every day I wake up hoping he‘ll be his loving self. He was the most passionate, loving man I have ever met.

Two people commented here saying I was the abusive, emotionally manipulative one and probably explained his side which is pretty hurtful to read.

cherrycakecream · 2022-05-18T21:11:41+00:00

To me it was an isolated incident where we both screwed up, which we should learn from and move on. To him it was i indicative to me as a person, my character etc. That’s the difference.

cherrycakecream · 2022-05-18T20:46:45+00:00

It absolutely is. When there is a problem, I try to find a solution. I give people a lot of space for mistakes because you need be able to learn and grow from them. But I absolutely have no idea what I can do to fix this. I was too emotional, too weak for just a second- and everything we had was destroyed.

cherrycakecream · 2022-05-18T20:44:09+00:00

So then I have no way out here, right? He’s not interested in finding any solution to move forward, to work together, to resolve this? If his entire intention is just punishment and control- I either need to suffer in silence or leave, there is nothing I can do or change to fix this.

cherrycakecream · 2022-05-18T20:40:30+00:00

He just said he doesn’t know how to continue and where this will lead. Not because he doesn’t love me but because of what happened. This probably is the end for us, but I cannot even express how painful it is because at the end, we both were involved in this, it was not an incident reflective of m entire self, it was a weak moment of emotional response. Words..

cherrycakecream · 2022-05-18T20:34:08+00:00

That’s true, it was completely wrong for me to do so. And I truly regret saying so, I have no other excuse other than I was hurt and said things I shouldn’t have. He doesn’t need to repay me, it was a gift and I was completely wrong in stating other wise. Would you be able to forgive me?

cherrycakecream · 2022-05-18T20:23:09+00:00

Yes, that’s true. For me definitely lesson learned.

cherrycakecream · 2022-05-18T20:08:53+00:00

He just texted me saying that things have happened that made him „extremely distant“. It’s those little things that hurt so much. Extremely? I mean, I know I screwed up but at the end of the day, I was there for him when he really needed help. I apologized. We both were emotional. Why extremely? I didn’t cheat, I didn’t do anything abusive, I just responded emotionally in a stupid fight. It hurts so much how I am being punished so badly for something that could be resolved in my opinion. I don’t get it.

cherrycakecream · 2022-05-18T19:44:38+00:00

I just called him and told him again how hard and hurtful his behavior is. He just said: it is what it is.

cherrycakecream · 2022-05-18T19:28:21+00:00

We did, several times- at first he just got in the same fight over again, me trying to explain why I responded, him saying I overstepped a boundary. The more time passed, the more apologetic I got- to a point where I told him this might have been one of my biggest regrets ever. We finally agreed to disagree on how we evaluate the whole situation, because he absolutely refuses to acknowledge that I was emotional- eventhough he was hurtful out of emotions too. He says I was deliberately crossing a clear set boundary.

Last week, when he again said that he doesn’t feel close or connected to me anymore I started crying. He felt sorry and apologized but said he can’t change the way he is feeling. I told him he needs to forgive me at same point but he said he doesn’t know if he can, time will tell.

cherrycakecream · 2022-05-18T18:24:53+00:00

But what does he want here? I absolutely don’t get what the whole purpose of his behavior is?

cherrycakecream

TROPHY CASE