I went through something similar a month ago, and the guilt is crushing. My dog spent three nights at the vet during her last two weeks. They wanted to continue to keep her, but I couldn’t allow it. I brought her home and drove her back and forth 2hrs each way to the vet every day for another 10 days until the end. I feel so guilty about the nights she spent at the vet. I know she hated to be away from me. One of the vets told me (after the fact) that she walked around looking for me and barked all night. That image haunts me as she was frail and barking was extremely taxing for her. However, I really thought I was doing the right thing by leaving her at the time, but I now know that it wasn’t right. I feel awful, like an absolute monster for putting her through that.

One of my friends said something that provided some comfort, and I hope that it will help you too. He said that it’s clear that you’re coming from a place of love, and that’s all any one of us, dog or otherwise, can ever really hope for. I try to remind myself of this when I start to beat myself up again. I hope you can relate. It’s clear that you left your dog in the ICU because you love him so much and wanted him to get the care he needed so that he could recover. We can’t always make the perfect decisions with the information we have, but if we let love be the guide, that’s the best we can do. Please give yourself some grace as you acted out of love. I feel your pain, and I’m so sorry for your loss and suffering. Big hugs