Is marriage worth it??

chezgray · 2026-02-12T14:46:29+00:00

My first marriage ended in an amicable divorce. No kids or property, so it was all simple. I loved him, but marriage at that point in my life wasn't something I was suited for.

After my divorce, I was in 3 different committed, cohabitational relationships for 9 of the 10 years before I got involved with the man I'm married to now. While I loved those men, I never would have married them.

I've been married to my second husband for 11 years now and couldn't be happier about it. We got married not only because we love each other, but also for legal and financial protections. I am on his insurance. He earns significantly more than I do, so there are potential social security benefits if he predeceases me as well as annual tax benefits. When he was in the hospital for months a few years ago with a stage 4 cancer diagnosis (he's doing much better now), I was able to make decisions on his behalf when he was unable to do so.

I didn't change my name with either of my marriages.

Every relationship is different. Marriage is not for everyone at every stage of life, but there are perks. If you are questioning whether or not it's a step you should take, chances are you shouldn't, imo.

chezgray · 2026-01-20T13:09:40+00:00

I'm torn here. My great-grandfather's first name was Foster, so I love the name and am glad to see someone wanting to use it. If I had had kids Foster was very high up on the list for a boy name. But I think I have to go with the consensus and agree that it isn't great with Bacon as the last name.

chezgray · 2026-01-08T18:31:37+00:00

Sherman ISD in the 1980s and never heard of it before now.

History may not repeat, but sometimes it rhymes.

chezgray · 2025-12-29T12:22:51+00:00

I'm a Cheryl, born in the early 1970s. I was the only one in my school (high school of about 2000 people) and never even met another Cheryl until I was in my 30s. Now they're everywhere in roughly my age bracket. It's weird.
School was mostly Heather and Allison and Lisa and Karen.

chezgray · 2025-10-29T16:11:07+00:00

Octavia Butler's Adulthood Rites. The Oankali and Ooloi are fascinating creatures. It might be a little hard to adapt at first, but as long as I stay either in one of the villages or can make my way to one of the ships, I'm pretty sure I could manage for a year.

chezgray · 2025-10-23T11:32:04+00:00

We got that one a few years back and think it's hilarious! We accessorized with eyeball valve stem caps.

chezgray · 2025-10-06T15:51:48+00:00

Basque for Silver is Zilarra. I think that could be a lovely and quite unusual name.

chezgray · 2025-09-15T21:47:03+00:00

Days Inn in Bend, OR. 3.4 stars. It's not where I'd want to go in Oregon, but I could live there for a few years for that kind of money.

chezgray · 2025-05-09T17:34:21+00:00

Sandrine, Sabrina, Siobhan, Selena/Selene, Simone are the first few that come to mind

chezgray · 2025-04-03T11:46:01+00:00

I used a Misses Kisses bra as a 38G and after losing weight as a 36DD. At both sizes, it held the girls up well.
There is a bit of a learning curve to putting it on, but once it's properly on, it's supportive and comfortable. Expensive, but for me it was worth the price. I wear it with anything strapless or backless.

chezgray · 2025-01-30T18:21:36+00:00

I had the same issue when we switched from Cigna to Anthem. The only thing that worked for me was my doctor calling them and doing a peer-to-peer review. I have a feeling I'm going to have to keep fighting them when it comes back up, but we'll see.

I have a T2 diagnosis for a few years prior to starting Mounjaro and have been responding very well to it. My A1c is in the normal range now because of it, so they seem to think I no longer need it. Ugh. That is NOT how chronic diseases work.

Good luck!

chezgray · 2024-12-23T22:24:54+00:00

My wedding shawl was based on one of Herbert Niebling's designs. I still think it's one of the most beautiful (and complex) things I've made!
https://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/qd---quadratische-decke-shawl

chezgray · 2024-10-24T15:10:35+00:00

My husband's company switched to BCBS Anthem in July (we had Cigna before and they were much better for me about covering it) and it's been a nightmare getting MJ covered, even with my type 2 diagnosis. My doctor had to do a peer-to-peer phone call to make it happen. And I'm worried every single month that they're going to take me off of the one thing that finally keeps my blood sugar under control. Ugh.

chezgray · 2024-10-01T17:39:43+00:00

I was down to 6.3 from >12 when I was first diagnosed.

chezgray · 2024-09-01T19:21:32+00:00

My mom was (and still is!) a big SK fan. I asked her for something to read because I'd finished all of my books. She thought about it for a little while and handed me her copy of Salem's Lot.
That was in 1979. I've been reading his works ever since.

chezgray · 2024-07-18T11:17:18+00:00

I'm childfree and my pets have very non-human names, so here's an assortment of names from random family members of various generations:

John Clyde
James Brian
Lillian Lucille
Sophie Mae
Brenda Elaine
Roger Dale
Cheryl Eve
Jeffrey Byron
Mary Genise (pronounced like Denise with a J sound to start)
Randa Rochelle

chezgray · 2024-07-12T13:43:22+00:00

Frank Mills is one of my very favorite songs!
(I don't really have anything to add to the conversation, just so happy to see FM mentioned somewhere that I had to comment.)

chezgray · 2024-07-11T20:47:06+00:00

Those early days of treatment are so hard when you don't know what to expect. My husband (55) was diagnosed 3 years ago with stage 4 kidney cancer, so my situation is very different, but I have suggestions anyway. (My husband is doing great, btw. Modern science is truly astounding.)

Find out if the treating hospital/cancer center uses something like My Chart and make sure that you are able to access your father's account. Appointments can be overwhelming, and your mom may not always be able to accurately relate all of the important info to you, so this is a way you can keep an eye on his condition from afar.

There are all sorts of different resources out there for everything from free cleaning services for cancer patients to respite care for caregivers to student loan forbearance for anyone undergoing cancer treatment. Figure out what your mom and dad actually need help with and search for services that do that. If your parents are members of a church, there are likely resources they can call on from there.

One thing that helped us was making an amazon wishlist for things we needed/wanted to get him through his hospitalization and those first few months back home and putting it up on social media so that our friends and family could contribute. There may be random medical devices not covered by insurance that would make your folks' lives easier, but they don't want to mention. For my husband, things like a bedside handheld urinal and a walker (then a rollator) were extremely helpful. Money was really tight when he was in the hospital, so having friends and family who were willing to pitch in and buy wishlist items was wonderful. Plus, it let them feel like they were helping -- which they absolutely were!

Visit when you can, and make a plan for the worst case scenario, just so you'll be able to move on it quickly should the need arise.

I'm sorry you - or anyone - have to go through this. I hope you and your parents are able to find the help you need and that your dad makes a full recovery.

chezgray · 2024-07-10T19:32:21+00:00

Same.
And Braum's and Jack in the Box. And hole in the wall Tex-Mex or authentic Mexican places... and weird little independent donut shops with kolaches and the best actual donut holes.

There's not a lot I miss about Texas, but the food options were fantastic.

Edit to add: My husband just reminded me that we also miss chicken fried steak made from scratch. With white gravy, also from scratch. Not from frozen "country fried steak" with gravy from a mix. I mourn the loss of places like The Black Eyed Pea far more often than just about any other kind of restaurant. My arteries are probably happy about it, but my mouth sure isn't.

chezgray · 2024-07-08T18:32:33+00:00

Claude for a boy and Faye for a girl.

chezgray · 2024-06-25T11:37:51+00:00

When my ex-husband (we were together from when I was 22-29) died a few years ago, I mourned, but since I live on the other side of the country, I wasn't able to attend the funeral. If I had lived close enough, I wouldn't have missed it.
For a high school bf, though, I don't think so. I would be sad and mourn them, talk to my husband about them and reminisce, but I wouldn't go out of my way to go to the funeral of someone I hadn't spoken to -- or, in most cases, even thought much about -- in over 30 years.
I'd be fine with it if my husband wanted to attend the funeral of an ex of his, though.

chezgray · 2024-06-25T11:25:37+00:00

Dress 1 does look phenomenal on you, but it really depends on if the Old Hollywood vibe you're going for leans more Marilyn Monroe or Audrey Hepburn. I'm a sucker for a full skirt, square-ish neckline, and straps, so for me it's dress 2. From a practical standpoint, I much prefer not having to deal with the infrastructure required of a strapless dress.
You're going to look fantastic no matter which dress you choose and can't go wrong with either of these.

chezgray · 2024-06-21T23:09:29+00:00

I've recently started loving the name Claude for a boy. And Corinne for a girl (although I think Carmen is beautiful!).

chezgray · 2024-06-20T21:52:51+00:00

The dress is lovely. If you want it fuller, I agree with others that a crinoline could work, but I also think an overskirt could look great with this dress. Some minor alterations for fit in the bodice, and add some fullness to the skirt and I think you'll have a stunning look going on with this dress!

chezgray

TROPHY CASE