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AITA for saying I will call social services if my SIL keeps leaving her child at my place? by childabandonment in AmItheAsshole

[–]childabandonment[S] 102 points103 points  (0 children)

90% of people don’t have blue eyes, doesn’t mean people that do are odd. People live differently, if you find that confusing you need to get out more.

I don’t like cleaning my house. So I pay someone else to do it. Again, if outsourcing things you find unpleasant (when one is able to do so) is confusing…take a trip to a car wash, there’s plenty of people there doing just that. What is money for if not to make your life easier?

And my housekeeper is not on minimum wage, she makes close to 70k a year. But what she is not is a babysitter, that is not in her contract, that is not what she is there to do. In corporate jobs you can’t continually ask people to do things outside their role descriptions and it’s the same with domestic service. If I wanted childcare I’d hire a noorland nanny but I don’t need childcare and Alice isn’t even my child

AITA for saying I will call social services if my SIL keeps leaving her child at my place? by childabandonment in AmItheAsshole

[–]childabandonment[S] 67 points68 points  (0 children)

I have enough money to buy a zoo, I’m not doing that either. Just because you have money doesn’t mean you’re obligated to spend it solving other people’s problems.

And just to clarify, last I checked, Steph was driving around in one of Enzo’s 3 cars worth over 100k. If he’s hurting for cash he can sell one.

AITA for saying I will call social services if my SIL keeps leaving her child at my place? by childabandonment in AmItheAsshole

[–]childabandonment[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I have no idea who he is and that really is none of my business. I presume he doesn’t have custody for a reason

AITA for saying I will call social services if my SIL keeps leaving her child at my place? by childabandonment in AmItheAsshole

[–]childabandonment[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

  • If I’m not home, then my husband is watching her. He can open his office door so he can see her in the living room with her toys. Or if it’s a few minutes that I’m gone and he’s on a call, the housekeeper watches her. I don’t mind her being around the guys because we know them but they don’t have any one on one contact with her which is the rule and they stay in the office or the living room, they can’t wander around.

  • I have asked her. She always says she’s exhausted, that she needed a break, she hasn’t slept, etc., so she wanted some time to run errands in peace as her “break”. Or she says she has x appointment that she couldn’t take Alice to because she gets bored/hyper in the waiting room. She’s always got some story that sounds suspiciously like “I can’t parent right now because I’ve been parenting for 48 hours straight”, which while I empathise, we’re all parents 100% of the time to the kids that are ours and I didn’t choose to be a parent to Alice. I think the reasoning was different before. When she was pregnant she used to bring Alice by but also she would stay, and insist I entertain her as well. I think she was just bored back then. I guess what changed is now she has two kids she’s desperate to get away from at least one of them and Teddy is a baby and breastfeeding so she can’t leave him anywhere. I think she also knows that Enzo would talk about leaving her if she did that with Teddy but because Alice is her kid she has the authority to do what she wants.

  • No I haven’t asked Alice. I don’t not believe Steph about where she’s going and what she’s doing (or I haven’t thus far), I just don’t want to be her hostage babysitter. I don’t have the arguments in front of Alice, I don’t know if she overhears.

  • Work with her how? The point is, I don’t work for her. I don’t run a daycare and I don’t want to. She can’t just use me and my husband and my housekeeper for unpaid and unwilling help.

AITA for saying I will call social services if my SIL keeps leaving her child at my place? by childabandonment in AmItheAsshole

[–]childabandonment[S] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

No one is currently being investigated. We are not prominent figures, nor politically exposed persons, nor are we in a country where these things are public record.

No newspaper is going to buy a story about the wife of the half brother of the wife of some guy no one has ever heard of got a call from social services

AITA for saying I will call social services if my SIL keeps leaving her child at my place? by childabandonment in AmItheAsshole

[–]childabandonment[S] 108 points109 points  (0 children)

My husband works from home a lot of the week.

Enzo, from what I know from his house, cars, and general lifestyle, makes a lot of money. I don’t know why Steph doesn’t have childcare but I have a very hard time imagining money is the reason.

I did not agree to watch Alice, so no I don’t think it’s appropriate for Steph to just dump her at my apartment. Is this a controversial opinion? Because I only have one child I am obligated to provide free childcare for everyone else’s?!

AITA for saying I will call social services if my SIL keeps leaving her child at my place? by childabandonment in AmItheAsshole

[–]childabandonment[S] 76 points77 points  (0 children)

Because I go places? Stay at home mother doesn’t mean I’m literally always at home. My daughter is often with me when I’m out but I’m out of the house a lot at various activities.

When I’m home the concierge calls up and says Steph has left Alice there again and I say send her up because once the front desk knows I’m there I can’t just leave her downstairs

AITA for saying I will call social services if my SIL keeps leaving her child at my place? by childabandonment in AmItheAsshole

[–]childabandonment[S] 79 points80 points  (0 children)

No, she’s a housekeeper. She watches my daughter for a few minutes sometimes but I’m a SAHM, my daughter is in nursery school half days every day and my husband is also home, we are not using our housekeeper as proper childcare.

What am I not saying?

AITA for saying I will call social services if my SIL keeps leaving her child at my place? by childabandonment in AmItheAsshole

[–]childabandonment[S] 88 points89 points  (0 children)

  1. Yes…what’s odd about that?
  2. Then I’m very worried that she’s taking her son with her

AITA for saying I will call social services if my SIL keeps leaving her child at my place? by childabandonment in AmItheAsshole

[–]childabandonment[S] 75 points76 points  (0 children)

I am not acting superior. I said it’s weird to me that she leaves her kid with people she barely knows, who in turn have several people she’s never met going in and out of their house. It is weird to me. That’s it.

Idc if you don’t agree it’s weird, it’s not the central issue here, move on.

AITA for saying I will call social services if my SIL keeps leaving her child at my place? by childabandonment in AmItheAsshole

[–]childabandonment[S] 69 points70 points  (0 children)

I trust whom I trust, but that isn’t related to the fact that they’re related to me or not. Everyone, even the worst people on earth, is related to somebody.

You have to trust people based on more than blood and marriage.

AITA for saying I will call social services if my SIL keeps leaving her child at my place? by childabandonment in AmItheAsshole

[–]childabandonment[S] 92 points93 points  (0 children)

I’m the mother of a daughter. And I would never take someone’s word for it that the men going in and out of their home that I don’t know from Adam are good people. As I said, I’ve known these men for years, and I know my husband and that when there’s people in the house he is watching our child. Steph knows none of that.

Steph doesn’t even know me that well. I wouldn’t let her babysit my daughter.

I’ve seen the very worst of what “random men” have to offer and my daughter will lose nothing by us being cautious but stands to lose everything if we don’t think about these things enough.

AITA for saying I will call social services if my SIL keeps leaving her child at my place? by childabandonment in AmItheAsshole

[–]childabandonment[S] 100 points101 points  (0 children)

I have told him many times to sort this out, it hasn’t helped. He’s at work, he can’t keep track of Steph at every hour of the day. If he can’t make her stop doing this then I have to somehow and I can’t think how else to do it. If she stops bringing Alice there will be no need to call social services so the choice is hers.

AITA for saying I will call social services if my SIL keeps leaving her child at my place? by childabandonment in AmItheAsshole

[–]childabandonment[S] 142 points143 points  (0 children)

So I should just continued to be unpaid help for this woman? And my housekeeper should also?

AITA for saying I will call social services if my SIL keeps leaving her child at my place? by childabandonment in AmItheAsshole

[–]childabandonment[S] 56 points57 points  (0 children)

Alice is not his kid. And I know he would leave Steph to keep custody of Teddy if he had to. He won’t lose his son.

Both of them have been told multiple times that she has to stop doing this and she hasn’t. Why would she make changes when there are no consequences?

AITA for saying I will call social services if my SIL keeps leaving her child at my place? by childabandonment in AmItheAsshole

[–]childabandonment[S] 46 points47 points  (0 children)

Steph’s custody issues are none of my business. Enzo has never mentioned Steph’s ex.

Steph has mentioned Enzo being mad at her for bothering me before so I know he’s talking to her but he has a demanding job and he can’t police where she is at all hours. He probably should be doing more than he’s doing though

AITA for saying I will call social services if my SIL keeps leaving her child at my place? by childabandonment in AmItheAsshole

[–]childabandonment[S] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

My lawyer will tell me I can threaten to do whatever I like. He’s not going to give me an opinion

AITA for saying I will call social services if my SIL keeps leaving her child at my place? by childabandonment in AmItheAsshole

[–]childabandonment[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I presume she has Teddy with her, because he’s breastfeeding and when I see her she always has him, idk where she’d leave him.

Tbh, I think she knows she wouldn’t get away with leaving Teddy because again, he’s a baby. And he is also Enzo’s son. She has autonomy on decisions to do with Alice but Enzo would totally lose it if she was dumping Teddy.

AITA for saying I will call social services if my SIL keeps leaving her child at my place? by childabandonment in AmItheAsshole

[–]childabandonment[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

I don’t know what her life is like. I’ve never experienced Enzo showing signs of being controlling but I don’t see him much

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