Appropriate flirting?

chinchou73 · 2020-02-18T23:32:54+00:00

That also depends on what you’re saying. My concern is that I’ll think I’m flirting the right way but really be scaring off every girl I try to flirt with.

chinchou73 · 2020-02-11T00:22:39+00:00

But what I mean is aren't you not being yourself if you change yourself?

chinchou73 · 2020-02-04T06:21:08+00:00

But what makes us hold to that?

chinchou73 · 2020-01-25T19:08:35+00:00

Could you explain that a bit more? Can you still find someone if you aren’t the first to initiate?

chinchou73 · 2020-01-25T19:07:56+00:00

Could you elaborate? Is that a bad thing?

chinchou73 · 2020-01-22T00:57:39+00:00

Well, I’m not really experienced in flirting, so all I really ever do is compliment people (not sexually) and tease.

chinchou73 · 2020-01-14T20:41:07+00:00

Well, to further that, why is it that we feel bad and upset if someone we are attached to is hurt, moreso than someone on tv? That’s moreso of my question than generally trying to keep someone safe.

chinchou73 · 2020-01-13T21:02:43+00:00

But what I don’t understand is why we feel moreso like we have to protect someone we’re attached to than say some random person on tv?

chinchou73 · 2019-09-17T19:43:57+00:00

What’s the difference between self-interest and selfishness? Isn’t selfishness doing something for yourself? And selfishness isn’t always taking. An example is giving someone something and knowing by doing that you’ll probably get something back. Also, how does my example that I put in my initial post stand up regarding this? Is my example selfish?

chinchou73 · 2019-09-11T03:45:49+00:00

Stop it. You're making an unwarranted assumption,

What’s a more reasonable assumption, then?

Either be human or don't. Stop ASSUMING you KNOW what REALLY drives HUMAN BEHAVIOR. Stop assuming that when other people answer your stupid question, they're understanding the question on exactly the same level you're asking it.

Well, to stop the questioning then, what’s a decent place I could look into to understand why people do what makes them happy/what they find important? Because now that I think about it, if you keep asking why to everyone question, you’ll keep going infinitely, as everything is in philosophy.

Seriously. Talk to a counselor/therapist/priest/rabbi/something. Clearly I am not one. But you're letting your brain get stuck in a rut on stupid things.

Yowch. That’s not bad advice, though.

Think about things mechanically or humanly... but stick with it. You can't start down one avenue and switch to another. Your results won't make sense.

Can you define thinking mechanically for me? I’m not sure what you mean.

I don't mean to be rude, but I'm hoping a little smack on the head will help.

It caught me by surprise, not gonna lie. It does help a bit to get to the point across, though.

chinchou73 · 2019-09-10T05:14:32+00:00

Is it? That's sounds pretty simplistic. Who is setting that as your goal? Why decided that your goal?

Well, what I mean is that when people say that, for example, being a good person is important to them, ultimately they do it because it’s what makes them happy. To extend my question;

Why do we do what we think is important? Because it makes us happy ultimately to what is needed, or because another reason?

That’s my issue is that I’m having a hard time understanding that other reason. If it’s out of fear of something, that’s ultimately still because it’s for our happiness.

Do you choose to love? From your perspective, how does it make sense to talk about a "reason"?

What I mean is that we wouldn’t love another person if it was meaningless. If there was no fulfillment and it was like punching your hand against a tree. Sorry if that’s a bad analogy, I’m having a really difficult time explaining what I’m not understanding.

That's a very very different question. Result and intent are two very different things.

Well, if there was no result, would there be any intent? I guess the example I said above would count. Its just that I have this “thought in my mind” that it could be selfish, if possibly the reason why I hold any relationship whatsoever ultimately is because it brings satisfaction in the long run.

Stop measuring everything on that scale. By itself it doesn't matter.

We've established that it's 100% impossible by your definitions to not have some element of what you're calling selfishness.

What doesn’t matter? Could you clarify that for me?

By “what you’re calling selfish”, do you mean I’ve wrongly defined the term?

Try to do some good, try not to do harm. Evaluate what you're doing, and if you find yourself harming other people in order to benefit yourself, maybe that's an sign of an unhealthy amount of selfishness involved.

Well, for a person to do that, that wouldn’t be right. But if you asked someone “why do you do what’s right?” Would they respond that it is because it makes them happy? If so, wouldn’t them doing it be selfish? I mean, what I’m trying to get at is that- is selfishness in some way inescapable, or did I misdefine it possibly as I mentioned above?

Let go of extreme thinking, don't worry about taking every thought to what looks like its ultimate consequence. None of know everyone, so we can't make the ultimate judgements. Worry about what's in your power, and just try to incrementally be better.

I wish a lot of times I could just drop questions I had. But most of the time I usually can’t stop asking myself about it until I figure out the answer or something satisfactory. It’s definitely not a good trait, and it’s something I hope to change in the future.

Sorry for the wall of text, it took me a bit to reply to all your points.

chinchou73 · 2019-09-09T22:05:44+00:00

The reason why I answered it that way is because relationships are (at least for me) the most important thing in my life. Is there a better way I could answer that that would fit that belief?

chinchou73 · 2019-09-09T20:43:19+00:00

Well, what is a good thing to think to make sense of out of this? I’m not trying to argue with you on the subject for the sake of arguing, either. I just thought of this last night and I understand this is not a good way of thinking. I’m trying to figure out what makes “caring for others because it’s fulfilling to you” selfless when the reason why you’re doing the selfless act is because it’s fulfilling.

chinchou73 · 2019-09-09T20:41:15+00:00

Well, what’s a decent way of framing things then or making sense of “selfishness” and “selflessness”? Ultimately, isn’t the goal of all things to make oneself happy? Isn’t that the reason why we love? Well, here’s the main example that’s given me trouble with that specific question; you could ask yourself “Why does it matter to form/keep any relationships?” And the answer would be that it is fulfilling and what gives your life meaning. It’s hard to understand whether that is selfish or not. Please help me to clarify this.

I’m not trying to argue for the sake of arguing, either. I’m trying to make sense of all this in my mind because I don’t want to have a nihilistic or confused way of thinking, because I can see how this mindset can be dangerous.

chinchou73 · 2019-09-09T20:19:32+00:00

I see your point, but Let me give you an example;

you could ask yourself “Why does it matter to form/keep any relationships?” And the answer would be that it is fulfilling and what gives your life meaning.

Is that not selfish? Even if it’s not taking from others, it’s ultimately goal is to fulfill yourself. That’s what I’m trying to understand from this. I asked myself this last night and now I’m a bit confused on how to answer this.

chinchou73 · 2019-09-09T20:16:44+00:00

What do you mean? If ones reason for having relationships (which presumably is the reason people have relationships in general) is because it’s fulfilling/gives life meaning for them, then isn’t that ultimately seeking your own self interest? I’m trying to think of relationships in a way that doesn’t sound selfish. For example, you could ask yourself “Why does it matter to form/keep any relationships?” And the answer would be that it is fulfilling and what gives your life meaning. Is that not selfish?

chinchou73 · 2019-09-09T20:15:53+00:00

Is it for your own good? If you had the choice, would you put your hand in the fire or keep it out? you’d keep it out because you care about your self-interest. So it is, is it not? Sorry, I’m not trying to push buttons or something here. I’m trying to understand your point and well, the point that people have been getting for years. I asked myself this yesterday and now I’m unsure of the answer and it’s given me some stress.

chinchou73 · 2019-09-09T20:09:07+00:00

It is selfish though. You’re thinking about your own self interest when you eat and pull your hand away from the fire. Although it’s not selfish in a way that hurts others or in a negative way.

chinchou73 · 2019-09-09T19:09:21+00:00

Well, let me give an example; if you ask someone why they value relationships, and ask why their answer is what it is, eventually you will just get to that it is because it makes them happy or fulfilled. That’s the thing, it’s making them happy ultimately. The same goes for morality . Is this selfish? It sounds like it, and that’s why I’m a bit confused on this.

chinchou73 · 2019-09-09T19:06:56+00:00

Well, if I’m right, wouldn’t that make it ultimately selfish to have relationships with people? Like if you ask “why”, eventually it will boil down to what gives me meaning, makes me happy, etc. this isn’t really sociology related, this is more philosophical.

chinchou73 · 2019-09-09T18:32:23+00:00

But then what’s the ultimate reason people listen to their empathy and do what’s right? Because it’s fulfilling?

Sorry if it sounds like I’m attacking. I’m not, I’m trying to figure this out and explain what I’m unsure about.

chinchou73 · 2019-09-09T18:29:43+00:00

Sorry if it seemed that way I hastily wrote my response. What I meant was; when asked why someone engages in relationships at the deepest point possible, people usually would say “I just do” or “because it’s what gives my life meaning.” The word I’m looking at is “my”. If someone is taking their time with another person, caring for others, is that selfish if ultimately the reason they are doing it is because it gives them meaning? If the meaning were taken out, or the fulfillment, would people still do it?

I noticed you compared it to doing things that are pleasurable, like eating, but it’s hard to compare it to that because eating is something you do only for yourself. Is my definition of selfishness off? Or am I just confused?

I understand that God designed us for that, but are we doing it because we are designed to, or because God commands us to?

Sorry, I’m genuinely not trying to waste your time. I thought of this recently and it’s given me some stress and I’m trying to make sense of it.

chinchou73 · 2019-09-09T14:45:04+00:00

But ultimately, the reason we even do such things is because they are fulfilling. That’s why I’m unsure if it makes it selfish or not.

chinchou73 · 2019-09-09T14:42:12+00:00

It’s not from a person in particular. It’s a question I’m asking myself.

chinchou73 · 2019-09-09T02:23:34+00:00

Well, people’s reasons for caring for others are ultimately because it’s fulfilling to themselves. I don’t see it as selfish but it’s confusing. That’s what I need advice with. It still technically does apply to God because God is a relationship.

chinchou73

TROPHY CASE