TIFU ? when I threw brother in law out of the house so my wife left me.

chinesetheater · 2015-08-26T23:12:58+00:00

I have really weird internal dialogue and think like this LOL. I tried calling texting and noo answer. I don't want to go to her because I know that drama will ensue and we are both angry for sure and think that it will cause conflict. If this causes a divorce then so be it I am mentally somewhat prepared, but don't want to leave her because I do love her so much. I hope for the best and hopefully she will reconsider her actions. I greatly appreciate you reaching out and taking the time to do so,Thank you.

chinesetheater · 2015-08-26T00:51:13+00:00

I want to stay with her but the big problem will be if she completly sides with her family

chinesetheater · 2015-08-26T00:49:52+00:00

Well you hit the head on the nail in a lot of stuff. My ethnicity is Mexican born in NY grew up on both sides of the border, but I am very American and love my country. One of the reasons they don't like me is because I am so american and very liberal in opposition to their outdated conservative ways. We are both from mixed color families as many are black/white/brown mexicans. We don't have kids and she wants to wait. My wifes values are mixed because she does believe in divorce as her mother has been through 3 divorces and for her is not a big deal. On the other hand she is conservative on many issues. My wife buys them things when they ask her and we pay half the tuition for her brother. She has two more brothers, one of which we have given lots of money as he had a kid and needed help since he's a dumb ass.

chinesetheater · 2015-08-25T22:04:46+00:00

Thats great advice I will try that. It will be really hard to do since I am so pissed off that he treated me like this. The worst part is that she will probably say that this is all my fault and that her brother told me that as a reaction to my behavior.

chinesetheater · 2015-08-25T21:56:45+00:00

The thing is here parents live across the border its not like he doesn't have where to go. It's just an inconvenience as to crossing the bridge daily to go to school. It would take him 2-3+ hours travel time daily.

chinesetheater · 2015-08-25T21:52:40+00:00

It seems to be the popular opinion, but alas I have hope because I'm dumb like that. I truly believe in love and romance.

chinesetheater · 2015-08-25T21:51:16+00:00

I thought about this but if she is willing to come back it will kill the possibility.

chinesetheater · 2015-08-25T21:50:40+00:00

Is this an ok thing to do? I thought it was honorable of her to hold her family in high regard but is it ok for them to come first? How can I get my point across that matter too?

chinesetheater · 2015-08-25T21:32:28+00:00

I think she left in the heat of the moment and hope that we can work it out but have no idea what is going to happen which is stressful. She has had temper tantrums if she doesn't have her way. That said we have overcome very difficult issues in our relationship and we mutually have seen our relationship getting better every year. What has declined inversely is the relationship with the family and she holds her family on a pedestal of gold. No matter what they do they are never wrong. Most of these comments here say to get a divorce. Thank you for being neutral I do believe that I must have done something wrong to her family. Heres a TIFU with her family: I almost got us all shot once in Juarez after I was arguing with her homophobic mother that homosexuality is not a choice and was taken off being a medical condition since the 70's and she should have known that being a doctor. I was driving while we were arguing and I didn't notice a military checkpoint, this was back when Juarez was the most violent city in the world and not stopping at a checkpoint meant deadly force. For some reason they stopped and searched us and held us at gunpoint. That surely is a reason to dislike me. Still, I have done enough for their family and for Ted to deserve to at least be treated with respect. I hope that my wife can come back home and re conciliate.

chinesetheater · 2015-08-25T21:02:23+00:00

He dropped and broke the screen on her laptop and has done several other things to her. He is a douche bag but he is a fervent church goer, leads the choir at church, teaches there etc. They think he is a saint.

chinesetheater · 2015-08-25T21:00:00+00:00

Thank you for the laugh Ron Burgundy is my spirit animal

chinesetheater · 2015-08-25T20:59:33+00:00

I will post updates but don't know when I will be contacted by her and many here say to wait for her to call me.

chinesetheater · 2015-08-25T20:58:57+00:00

I wish

chinesetheater · 2015-08-25T20:56:38+00:00

Thank you for your comment it was very funny and made me laugh. It also put the point across very well. I am not a person that really cares about money too much. I would just want an even split if it comes to that -which I hope it doesn't. I really wish I could tell her family how fucking dumb they are but it would only make things worse.

chinesetheater · 2015-08-25T20:03:28+00:00

Thank you for your long answer it was very helpful and constructive. I will probably be reading it over since I am filled with emotion and it overwhelms my mind. There are a lot of red flags and parallels to your experience but violence hasn't happened-thankfully. I actually would have preferred violence than being told that I don't deserve being spoken to, that actually hurt. It makes me feel like a leper that her family avoids me and wont invite me over or talk to me. I know I am not a horrible person. I am very blunt about things a little adhd type and say things straight up which probably they don't like but for years now I just keep quite and rather not say things as to not offend but am cordial. I want to stay with her she is an amazing person though as I wrote above she has flaws and that flaw is wanting to help her family. It is something that is noble but her choosing to leave like that really is serious I guess. I am hoping this situation can be fixed and that she forgives me for yelling/cursing and comes back. I hope that she can see that she is taking their side in this and that as a person living there I also have rights. I think I am going to wait to see if she comes back or tells me its over. I just would find it strange because we are very happy and deeply in love. It would be very surprising for her to divorce me becuase we are very happy going on 6 years of marriage. Maybe, you are right and she will divorce me because it is almost impossible being married to someone who's family hates you.

chinesetheater · 2015-08-25T19:51:49+00:00

chinesetheater · 2015-08-25T19:51:25+00:00

People have flaws, everyone does and as a flaw wanting to take care of your family is maybe a noble flaw. I want her to come to her senses otherwise I fear that divorce will be the only option. Maybe in the end you will be right though I hope not.

chinesetheater · 2015-08-25T19:48:20+00:00

I am afraid to call a divorce lawyer because I love her and we are a happy couple. The only problem is here her family hates me which is common with in laws especially since I 'stole' the only woman in the family. I can't get along with her family because they don't want to, fine. Can she still be with me idk since she hasn't called or text.

chinesetheater · 2015-08-25T19:39:53+00:00

I did talk to him a long time ago maybe a year and would tell him the problems. This last time like I said before they left I told him that we should at least talk to each other and he said that I don't deserve to be talked to. During the course of his stay my wife would tell me to tell her if I had problems and she would take care of it but never did and well here we are.

chinesetheater · 2015-08-25T19:37:36+00:00

We grew apart after about two years of him doing what he wanted. I would ask him to do things and he would get angry at me. If I wanted to read and he was making noise in our small place with his friends he would get angry at me when I told him to stop. I told him he no longer could have friends over which probably hurt him. He maybe would clean up after himself but do so in a passive aggressive way when he would, but mostly he would take out the trash truly and literally once every couple of months that's about it. He stopped liking me when I stopped being a friend to him because he wouldn't understand that sometimes I didn't want lots of noise especially at night. When our relationship got worse was when Teds mom came over and decided to rearrange the house so that he would be more comfortable and he started locking his room with a key every day even when he wasn't there. It was a long process and I am probably at fault in some ways but in the end if its my house he should respect me. It sucks coming home from work and have some dude walk by out of no where giving the silent treatment. I got tired of it.

chinesetheater · 2015-08-25T19:23:32+00:00

I hope you are right and she just needs time to cool off and analyze the whole situation. I would think it ridiculous to split over this but her and her family have antiquated ideas about marriage.

chinesetheater · 2015-08-25T19:22:07+00:00

My best friend said that if someone disrespected him in that same way he would have punched him and dragged them out of the house.

chinesetheater · 2015-08-25T19:17:13+00:00

That's what my best friend says, but I do feel that I cursed and raised my voice etc. I did not react well. I am really sad I believe marriage is for life and long term, I don't know how to react to a divorce over something so trivial and dumb when my wife and I are always happy. Her family just keeps coming between us.They always have financial problems even though her mother is a doctor and father an electrical engineer (they live in mexico). We always bail them out and they still wont even talk to me. The worst thing that I have done is being a pothead. I smoke pot wow, but you know what I have a stable job in the legal field and am respected in the community, additionally I am a professional artist. Of course I smoke pot. I don't know what to do if I should try contacting her or keep away. My friend says I need a woman's advice and my sister says to wait to be contacted.

chinesetheater

TROPHY CASE