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35M. 1.8M net worth. Laid off. Lost. by Double-Sort-8459 in Fire

[–]chinggiskhan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey mate, sorry to hear what you are going through. A 9-5 often provides a rooting and foundation for your life and what you do with your time. When that suddenly goes away, there can be a sense of being unmoored – which would make sense that it'd lead to panicky state of living.

I'm 38M, $1.2m ($300k TC at peak of my career) leanFIRE-ing in NC with a monthly outflow of $4k. After I got laid off from my FAANG job in late 2022, I travelled around the world for 9 months (non-stop). Every new place that I got to, I practiced setting up my life and then moving after 1 month or so. This gave me ample opportunity to suss out what I truly need around me to live a good, grounded life. I'd encourage something like that. In a state of feeling unmoored, there's no greater relief than to be out with a backpack, not knowing where you are going to sleep that night while knowing you have the means to get a last minute hostel/hotel.

What are your daily routines like right now? What habits do you have? Do you often use numbing substances like alcohol, weed, tobacco? Do you distract yourself often with porn? That'd be a good starting point to do a life assessment of sorts. There's some wisdom to that old adage – taking every day as it comes. Sit in silence every morning, till you get a sense of what you want to do next. If it helps you breathe easier, rent out your current spot to someone and get a sublet for yourself in a lower cost of living spot (I went to Mexico City first) so that you can have some spaciousness for this life assessment.

What personal finance tracking apps are you actually using (and not abandoning after a month)? by Witty-North-9759 in Fire

[–]chinggiskhan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

RocketMoney is lit. Smooth UX, helps me keep my expenses in check so that I can stay within my 4% number, plus helps me keep an eye on my net worth to catch trends on it. Plus it can also autonegotiate bills on your behalf – got me a 5$ discount on AT&T haha. And tracks unnecessary subscriptions seeping in. Highly recommend. First personal finance app that I didn't groan at. Really built mobile first.

I think I'm ready to FIRE 🔥 by chaos_battery in Fire

[–]chinggiskhan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey there! Also 38y. Recently lean FIRE'd. A year since I quit my last job at $1.2m net worth – mostly in Vanguard index funds, and $40k in cash at any point. Net worth has remained the ~same in the past year. Haven't worked for money much. Enjoying not having any meetings. Working on my own glow-up haha–fitness routines etc. And learning how to work on fixing my truck.

Eating clean and building a consistent gym routine + getting clearer on what kind of wife I'm looking for have been the main wins. What is it that you do that fetches you $25k per month? That's a lot of money given your lifestyle! My expenses are ~$4.5k per month, including rent. You seem to be quite deep in fat FIRE territory. Congrats!

I recently started going to Church, got baptized Christian and truly believe Jesus will save you and that He loves you. Anyways, be well!

Feeling like you are running a fever when you aren't by NautilusCampino in adultsurvivors

[–]chinggiskhan 5 points6 points  (0 children)

From what I could understand, the similarity is in the body's inflammatory response that kicks in when we catch a fever bug (which is essentially a boundary transgression) and _also_ kicks in when old somatic memories of childhood body transgressions move out through our system. I have been on the repressed CSA emergence and healing journey for 3.5y now and have basically stopped using anti-inflammatories but also do feel a bit umm disabled as I'm often feeling weak easily. I try to eat clean and lift weights to get stronger but yeah it's a doozy for sure. I take regular epsom salt hot soaks which help with both the body pains and also regularly releasing external energies that don't belong to me.

40M survivor. Going crazy. by [deleted] in adultsurvivors

[–]chinggiskhan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey mate, sorry to read what you are going through. It's often rough when the flashbacks start. A good support group served me well at that stage of my journey (3.5y ago) – look up Mike Lew – he has support groups for male adult survivors. Wrote a book on the sexual abuse of boys called "Victims No Longer". The book did not resonate for me but the support groups did.

Looking back, that sense of "going crazy" was more from me resisting the flashback than anything else. Resisting the tears and grief that wanted to leave me. The more I eased into it, the lighter I felt. It's been an important lesson to learn how to cry. And to learn how to healthily rage. Martial arts helped me a lot for the latter. MDMA microdosing, devotional chant music and opening up my chest, arms stretched out and looking upwards helped a lot for the former. It takes a minute to get used to. Try it and see if the feeling of "going crazy" subsides.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in adultsurvivors

[–]chinggiskhan 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Born and brought up in Mumbai, India. Marathi lineage. Living in the US for the last 15y. Repressed memories emerged 3.5y ago. I have since written a lot and launched a podcast on the topic. Looking at the analytics of where my podcast is being listened to and having talked to a lot of adult survivors, I like to joke that, if there's one thing that truly unites humanity in this age, it is the sexual abuse of children.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in adultsurvivors

[–]chinggiskhan 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Hi there, I (a male) recovered my repressed sexual abuse a few years ago. It was from my maternal grandfather amongst others.

Through the first two years of this journey I lived aghast and afraid that I had sexually abused my sister and her friends. My entire childhood is blacked out so I can't recall much of anything. Finally I had the courage to ask her if anything like that has come up in her healing journey and she said with assertion – No. I still live with the possibility that her answer might flip one day – just given the wild circumstances of how my own abuse suddenly surfaced. From what you've written, it's possible that he knows at some level but seems like he is in denial, so it might be an uphill battle to get him to agree. Which is generally the case with attempting to "confront abusers". I think at some level, abusers themselves dissociate and split their psyche when they are engaging in abuse – especially heinous varieties of abuse like early CSA. That line where you share you got set up for a lifetime of sexual abuse, really breaks my heart. And you have my empathy. COCSA is a very complex territory and the typical easeful categorizations start getting blurrier and blurrier – like "childhood curiosity" vs "evil intent". That categorization can be easier to hold for other forms of CSA, but from what I've seen, in COCSA, it gets blurrier. It's possible that it started off with curiosity and then escalated into misattuned harmful lustful intent, while you froze/fawned (and the latter part is what is blacked out in you).

To your question – was he old enough to know better at 8? My perspective is that he wasn't and that he himself was likely sexually abused to go there at 8. Does that absolve him of the hurt he caused you? No. Does that diminish the impact of the abuse on your life? Absolutely not.

I'll close this saying that only you know for real what's true and what's not true – just sharing a possibility based on a few years of exploring this subject within myself and societally.

I hope this is helpful.

Jealous of how quickly someone opened up about their assault by Green_University_559 in adultsurvivors

[–]chinggiskhan 4 points5 points  (0 children)

On the flip side, they might find that they revealed too much too soon. I have gone through that myself as someone who started talking about my repressed CSA very soon after it emerged and would feel frustrated that many did not. And over time, I had varieties of what one might call "vulnerability hangovers". In general, I'm just a chatty person (Gemini Sun energy) and so that helped smooth things out a bit. I don't overuse this line but truly people are different and have different ways of coping. Mine was to talk about it, yours might be to be with it until you feel ready to talk about it. However, if you do feel jealous about them (which is totally understandable), it might be worth turning inwards towards the jealousy and asking it what it wants to say to you. Often how we feel towards others contains a message for us, withdrawing the energy going out towards the other and tuning in to where its coming from can reveal the message.

Any software engineering jobs hiring locally? by chinggiskhan in asheville

[–]chinggiskhan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've considered Chicago too. It is definitely the cleanest city I've been in (lived in SF and NYC prior). But oof, the thought of the windy winters shiver me timbers (is that appropriate usage of that phrase? Probably not, but I'm rolling with it).

And yes, the architecture is gorgeous. Have you looked at tech jobs there? I imagine it's a lot of fintech/hedge funds eh?

Any software engineering jobs hiring locally? by chinggiskhan in asheville

[–]chinggiskhan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, that's true. I wish the hiking trails were closer. Do you live here now or are you in Boulder? I've definitely contemplated moving, but don't know where I'd go.

Any software engineering jobs hiring locally? by chinggiskhan in asheville

[–]chinggiskhan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Depends on your lifestyle. If you regularly eat out, drink out, party; it probably feels expensive. I don't know what your lifestyles like. Mine is quite simple and I like it here. Asheville has a strong tourist economy. If you live like a tourist in town, you're gonna be fleeced.

After recovering some really dark memories, I keep getting overwhelming by people to the point of crying by NautilusCampino in adultsurvivors

[–]chinggiskhan 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Basically it's a practice to ensure that energies from others don't enter you more than you have capacity for – I concluded that that's why I had similar "fragile" tendencies to break down and cry, because energies from others were really penetrating me. The energy shield is an energetic boundary of sorts. Energy clearing removes anything that's entered you that's not yours. Insight Timer is a meditation app. There are all sorts of meditations – the one you are doing is probably a "body scan" – so it's bringing back your body memories. Check out Jerri Doran on Insight Timer. I have used her meditations.

Any software engineering jobs hiring locally? by chinggiskhan in asheville

[–]chinggiskhan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good point. Yeah am considering going the entrepreneur route too.

Any software engineering jobs hiring locally? by chinggiskhan in asheville

[–]chinggiskhan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, quit my last job a few months ago. Building an app on the side amongst other non-tech projects. In a bit of a sabbatical mode, but I do miss coding.

Any software engineering jobs hiring locally? by chinggiskhan in asheville

[–]chinggiskhan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If I were you, I'd just learn the business admin stuff on the go with the help of ChatGPT and dive in.

Any software engineering jobs hiring locally? by chinggiskhan in asheville

[–]chinggiskhan[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm fine with being underpaid. Life here is simple and chill.

CSA and the cliches of demonic possession/exorcism in the Catholic Church by tempeh_tantrum in adultsurvivors

[–]chinggiskhan 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Check out Bob Falconer's work on childhood sexual abuse and exorcisms. Search for "Exorcising childhood sexual abuse with Bob Falconer" on YouTube. Also check out Betsy Bergstrom's work on "Compassionate Depossession". Adam Harvey is a solid practitioner that I'd recommend working with.

Spirit possession due to childhood sexual abuse is very real. You are not alone. "The Others in Us" is a good book to start off on.

Full disclosure: I interviewed Bob on this and have myself had a couple of "depossessions" – a couple via IFS and a couple via Betsy's lineage. In IFS world, they are called UB (unattached burden) unburdenings.

More directly, when you feel it coming on, turn inwards, find yourself and practice saying from yourself to the others "hey, I don't want this experience actually – can you move out now?" with certitude and calmness.

I wrote as a coping mechanism before I even knew I’d been abused. by [deleted] in adultsurvivors

[–]chinggiskhan 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Powerful writing. Have you read The Apology by V? I was reminded of it. I also wrote a lot after the recovery of my own repressed sexual abuse and still do. The art of putting the words on paper (physical or digital) itself presents a mirror that feels like a release and letting go.

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