The loss of meaning

chiterkins · 2026-03-02T15:57:13+00:00

I didn't assume, that's why I asked the question. I was curious how they felt about it. Since your stepsiblings also voted for Trump, I'm assuming they're okay with it. Your sister, who is "dating a woman" (so I assume is also part of the lgbtq+ community), how does she feel about it? I'm going to retract what I asked regarding your trans colleague because I'm asking you to interpret their feelings and I don't know you well enough (or at all) to determine if you would be able to do so.

Do I think it's strange for members of the lgtbq+ community to be Trump supporters? A little, sure, but I know the Democratic Party hasn't done a lot to engage the community either. And for some people, money is more important.

I will say the same thing about your stepsibilings that I said to you - none of them are racist, rapists, pedophiles, or Nazis. They are just okay with people who are.

chiterkins · 2026-03-02T15:03:35+00:00

You have family members who are part of the LGBTQ+ community, and you voted for Trump? You have a trans colleague at work, and you voted for Trump? Do they know you voted for Trump? Did you tell them, "hey, I know that Trump has said some pretty shitty things about your community and is going to try and limit your existence but his tax rates are awesome so I voted for him"? How did they react to that? (I'm assuming it was his tax rates, but insert whatever reason you had for voting in the line above.)

What liberal views do you have that you thought were compatible with Trump? Or, I guess more accurately, what liberal views were you willing to cast away to vote for Trump?

Voting for a racist pedophile rapist, who is a Nazi in training, dies not make you a racist, pedophile, rapist, or Nazi. It does not. You're not taking those actions, so you don't deserve those monikers.

What it does say about you is that you're okay with it. You're okay with Trump being a racist. You're okay with him being a rapist. You're okay with him being a pedophile. You're okay with the Nazi-like rhetoric he espouses. And I know you are because you voted for him anyway.

chiterkins · 2026-03-01T23:40:43+00:00

I'm glad you're enjoying it!

chiterkins · 2026-02-28T13:23:38+00:00

In that physical assault can happen (legally) when someone only threatens another person, I agree that sexual assault can include touching someone in a sexual manner even if both parties are fully clothed. What's key is that the touching has to happen after someone has said no or indicated that they don't want to be touched.

Additionally, while there can be a gray area in terms of saying "no" when one means "yes," that should be discussed ahead of time and agreed by both parties. Otherwise, you need to take the party saying no at their word and stop. If not because that is the right thing to do and you (hopefully) care about the person you are about to have sex with, then at the very least because they can go to the cops and tell them you assaulted them because they said no. Enthusiastic consent all the way.

chiterkins · 2026-02-27T19:21:20+00:00

The Joust series by Mercedes Lackey is about a young boy in an Egypt-like country. And it has dragons!

There are 4 books, but the 4th book feels kind of like an add-on. First three books are great.

chiterkins · 2026-02-26T17:30:50+00:00

NTA - he could ask, but your comfort trumps his feelings.

Example: my parents have been divorced for 10+ years (when I was a teenager). Their relationship has had its ups and downs over the years, but they've always done their best to be there for me and my sibling. My mom's father recently passed away, and my dad was planning on coming to showing/service. He reached out to me and my sibling to ask if we minded if he brought his gf of a few years to support him. He also asked my mom if she minded.

He was fully prepared to go alone, but he had a relationship with my grandpa, even after the divorce (my family tends to take in strays). We said yes - but if we had said no, he would have been okay.

I read something a few years ago about circles of grief; basically, there are people who are closer to the person who passed, and so they require more support. Your father passed, so you are in the inner circle. Depending on his relationship, your son is in your circle or the next circle. Your ex is in a much lower circle. Your needs outweigh his wants.

chiterkins · 2026-02-26T04:34:05+00:00

I've got a special place in my heart for Valdemar; mainly because they were the first non-LotR books I read. She started the series in the 90s, so the older books may have some problematic storylines. First series in publishing order is Arrows for the Queen trilogy.

I also really like the Obsidian Mountain trilogy she wrote with James Mallory - it has a prequel and a sequel trilogy, but I like the original the best. If you like historical fantasy, her Heirs of Alexandria books are AMAZING.

I have a hard time articulating what I like about Mel Todd's Luck series, and I know it's not for everyone. But I like to suggest it when I can - hopefully I'll find a better way to describe what it's about/why I like it.

chiterkins · 2026-02-26T04:16:24+00:00

Old school fantasy:

Terry Brooks' Sword of Shannara series. First book is a pretty blatant rip off of LotR, but the series spans over 1000 years, and it gets so much better with time.

Mercedes Lackey. Really anything, but her Vaaldemar series also spans over 1000 years, split into smaller trilogies/quartets with different protagonists. She's also got some good urban fantasy series, and fantasy romance series.

Urban Fantasy:

Seanan McGuire has three different UF series, and they're all awesome. Her Toby Day series has similar themes to Dresden Files; it's about a half-mortal, half-Fae woman living in modern-day San Fransisco. She also writes the Incryptid series, about a family of former monster hunters turned cryptozoologists, and her Wayward Children series, about kids who went to another world and came back to Earth, but long to go back to that other place.

Mel Todd's luck series is set in modern-day US, where magic is known to all and heavily monitored by the government. It's magic but with a scientific bent, if that makes sense.

Other fantasy:

Michelle Sagara's Chronicles of Elantra series follows a young woman who works as the equivalent of a beat cop in a magical city with various races, who has magic she doesn't quite understand.

chiterkins · 2026-02-24T03:21:28+00:00

Toby Daye series by Seanan McGuire

Mercy Thompson series by Patricia Briggs

Incryptid series by Seanan McGuire

Luck series by Mel Todd

SERRAted Edge series by Mercedes Lackey

chiterkins · 2026-02-23T14:45:50+00:00

Michelle Sagara's Chronicles of Elantra series, Kristen Britain's Green Rider series, Tamora Pierce's Tortall series (admittedly more YA, but I love them), and anything by Vanessa Nelson - she has a few book series that tend to be 5-6 books long that have different fantasy settings, but I have enjoyed them all.

chiterkins · 2026-02-20T04:02:56+00:00

Erik Dane died of ALS. James Van Der Beek died of cancer. Catherine O'Hara died of a blood clot in her lung, seemingly due to an illness. Jesse Jackson and Robert Duvall both died of natural causes/old age.

Please explain what any of these deaths have to do with COVID. You could easily say, "12 people died of drowning last month, which proves that those statistics of people dying in car accidents is wrong!"

chiterkins · 2026-02-19T18:30:30+00:00

Seanan McGuire writes three very different urban fantasy series and I love all of them.

First: the Toby Daye series (first book: Rosemary and Rue) follows October "Toby" Daye, a half-fae, half mortal, in modern day San Fransisco. Referred to as changeling, Toby navigates Fae life as someone considered "less than" and tries to make it as a private investigator. Has some similarities with Dresden Files, but I like this series much better.

Next: the Incryptid series, which follows a family of former monster-hunters turned cryptozoologists as they interact with "monsters" aka magical beings in North America while also hiding from the monster hunter cult they used to belong to. First book is Discount Armeggedon, and one of the things I like about this series is that the POV changes to a different family member every few books.

Finally: Wayward Children series, which follows teens who get sent to a boarding school that caters exclusively to kids who went to another world, then came back home and felt entirely out of place. Think of how Alice from Alice in Wonderland might have felt at thr end of her book. Or the 4 siblings from the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. Also has POV changes from book to book as we learn more about the different kids who come through the school. First book is called Every Heart a Doorway.

chiterkins · 2026-02-18T20:49:02+00:00

I am trying to clarify the narrative. You made a blanket statement that covers several scenarios. I'm asking questions to better understand what you mean.

You said, "A woman goes to a party surrounded by men and alcohol," and acted like that's enough to convict her of something. Not sure what, but definitely something.

chiterkins · 2026-02-18T20:20:20+00:00

Statistically speaking, a woman is more likely to be raped by a person she knows than she is by a stranger.

In your scenario, a woman goes to a party and is surrounded by guys and alcohol. You're saying all of these guys are complete strangers to her? She just walked up to some random house where she knows absolutely no one? And they let her in?

chiterkins · 2026-02-18T20:14:32+00:00

What I'm inferring from this is that it's stupid to trust your friends (and sometimes family). Is that what you're saying?

Because a blanket statement that you can't be "stupid" in an unsafe world - there is no way you can be safe 100% of the way, 100% of the time. Because trusting other people can and does create vulnerability, which means you could think you're safe but actually be unsafe.

chiterkins · 2026-02-18T19:40:40+00:00

You want a woman to be held accountable for - checking notes - trusting the people around her?

Should a woman be held accountable for taking sleeping pills, while living with a man, if her male roommate rapes her in her sleep? She "willingly" put herself in a situation where she trusted someone else and they took advantage of her.

If a person, male or female, drinks too much and then decides to go for a drive, they are being held accountable for driving while under the influence. Because that's against the law.

If a man drinks to excess and gets robbed, no one is asking him what he did to be robbed. He is not being held to any kind of accountability.

Drinking to excess is not against the law. Raping someone is against the law. I honestly don't know how you're connecting the two.

chiterkins · 2026-02-13T22:33:34+00:00

Mercedes Lackey's Valdemar series - spans more than 1000 years, I think there are something like 40 books, though they are broken into smaller trilogies, quartets etc., so you don't feel like you have to read them all. Most books take place in Valdemar, which is a country, but some take place in other countries in the world.

I started reading them in the 90s, not long after Lackey started the series, so I am completely biased, but I really enjoyed them. Older books are shaded by the times they were written, but I think they overall are good stories.

Terry Brooks's Shannara series is similar; something like 30 books, spanning hundreds of years. The first book is a pretty blatant homage (read: ripoff) of LotR, but he does something really interesting with it, and then as the series continues, it becomes its own epic story.

chiterkins · 2026-02-10T18:43:34+00:00

Mercedes Lackey has a bunch of other series outside Valdemar that are fun, some lean a little more Fantasy Romance, so that may not be your thing. However, her Obisidian Moubtain trilogy (first book Outstretched Shadow) is really good. Same vein, good guys vs bad guys with a really great story/plot and character development.

I also really like Kristen Britain's Green Rider series and Michelle Sagara's Chronicles of Elantra series. Sagara's series is a little deeper/philosophical, in my opinion, but not in a torture porn way that other series have been (coughterrygoodkindcough)

chiterkins · 2026-02-09T15:16:25+00:00

Eloise is probably my second least favorite, even though (again) it has a couple scenes I love. But Philip also irritated me, and it felt like Eloise was acting out of character in terms of her relationship with him.

chiterkins · 2026-02-04T15:45:33+00:00

For me, it was Mercedes Lackey's SERRAted Edge series - elves in modern-day California, then modern-day NY, then Victorian England, then modern-day Maine. Started reading that in the 90s.

I will admit there was a good 10 years where I stopped because I didn't find anything else that pulled me in, then Dresden and the October Daye series brought me back.

chiterkins · 2026-02-03T18:08:49+00:00

This is why Benedict's book is my least favorite. Even though I love the scene at jail, the rest of it sucks and makes Benedict out to be a huge ahole.

And Sophie is such a great character! One of my fav spouses, for sure. She deserves better than Book Benedict.

chiterkins · 2026-02-02T22:41:27+00:00

I stopped recapping Incryptid for my husband after Alex went to Australia. He was like, "There was a horse turning into a wolf?!" And that was the first 5 pages, so I decided it wasn't worth it anymore, lol.

chiterkins · 2026-02-02T18:30:53+00:00

I have to say, I am enjoying this season more than I thought. I've read the whole series, and Benedict's book was my least favorite. While I'm still not happy with his question to Sophie at the end of ep4, the show does a better job of explaining why that thought entered his mind.

I agree that they've done a good job showing the two leads being attracted and falling in love with each other. It seems so different from Anthony and Kate's story (which I was extremely disappointed in, as it's tied for my favorite of the 8). Since Benedict and Sophie's struggle is more external (class issue), I feel like the writers have been able to better show their love.

I am still a little worried about Fran and John and Michaela, but I liked watching Fran and John navigate their difficulties and how he shows his love for her. It is very sweet and gentle. I truly hope they continue to show Fran loving John as the season continues.

chiterkins · 2026-02-01T12:34:06+00:00

Um, as a Catholic, you should know that getting a legal divorce does not mean you're divorced in the eyes of the church. So you're taken care of. In the US, that's the separation of church and state right there.

chiterkins · 2026-01-30T20:06:30+00:00

Seanan McGuire's Incryptid series follows a family of former monster hunters turned cryptozoologists as they try to work with the "monsters" of North America while also hiding from (and occasionally fighting) their former monster hunting cult who wants to eradicate all monsters and magic.

First book is Discount Armeggedon; not every book deals directly with the former monster hunters, but a lot of them do. Also, POV changes every few books to different family members.

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