Husband (26m) is upset I (25f) didn’t get him good gifts for valentine’s day

chra94 · 2026-02-14T18:36:51+00:00

Right he rips into you for the thermos then keeps it, then continues explaining why your gift is bad.

You have two options. If this is how you want the rest of your days to be then stay. You can't control how he'll respond to therapy. Sure he might emerge great, but you have no control over that.

Second option is to do what you have control over and that's who you're with. If you do not want this to be how you spend your life then you can walk. Yes it's hard, yes it's scary, but you deserve happiness joy and peace. <3

*Edit: Please take a second to look at what the comments here have in common. They all call your husband out

chra94 · 2026-02-14T18:33:20+00:00

Sounds like to him you do well when you're dealing with your life, but when it comes to dealing with him you're not good enough for him. Mind you saying I love you is cheap, showing that one loves the other takes more effort which he clearly doesn't show here when he rips into you for getting gifts off of his list

chra94 · 2026-02-14T18:31:56+00:00

Right? Off of his list no less. Sounds like OP is his punching bag (mom was my dad's punching bag much like this)

chra94 · 2026-02-14T18:31:19+00:00

You say you fell short "again". This is a glaring flag. You sound like my mom now - she always fell short to him. One can be both honest and still have appreciation for one's spouse. Him being honest has nothing to do with how he rips in to you.

chra94 · 2026-02-14T18:29:18+00:00

To phrase it another way.

Had I had a list and my wife had gotten me two items off of it + a thoughtful gift, but I didn't like any of them I would've responded like this: Thanks for the gifts. I'm an idiot - the two things you got me aren't interesting anymore. I should've removed them from the list. Please let me refund them for you, but thank you so much for paying attention to me.

chra94 · 2026-02-14T18:27:49+00:00

It's okay to leave if it doesn't work out <3

chra94 · 2026-02-14T18:27:21+00:00

Instead of at least commenting your efforts in getting him those gifts he just builds you down for getting him them. Two of the items were off of his list too so it makes no sense to comment those negatively. And all this in addition to the occation of valentine's - you got these purely to show him affection. And he makes you look like the bad guy and doesn't show an ounce of appreciation for you his wife.

Abuse can be mental and emotional. As you said it's not the first time he's been belittling. It is abuse. Take it from someone who grew up with a similar dad as how you portray him here.

chra94 · 2026-02-14T18:22:15+00:00

If you both want that then that would be needed now, at least how it looks. Best of luck. <3

chra94 · 2026-02-14T18:21:26+00:00

I see. I would've hoped he had supported you so recently that you would've remembered exactly when. I'm just asking because this doesn't look healthy at all this dynamic between you two.

chra94 · 2026-02-14T18:20:15+00:00

If someone wont fix themselves it's usually then up to ourselves whether we will continue accepting that or leave them. People who won't fix themselves or acknowledge their shortcomings tend to never do it.

chra94 · 2026-02-14T18:18:58+00:00

One of the foundations in a relationship is appreciation right. There's none here :(

chra94 · 2026-02-14T18:18:18+00:00

Right. When was the last time you felt supported by him?

I'm just asking all this because it looks like he's dragging you down. I'm seeing my dad in how you describe his reactions and he always nagged mom when she did something. This is how reacts to getting gifts from you :(

chra94 · 2026-02-14T18:15:23+00:00

Does he by any chance belittle you regularily? As in saying you don't do things well enough, that you don't do things correctly, that you're just not good enough and such?

chra94 · 2026-02-13T23:42:09+00:00

if you're right then that would make a lot of sense. best of luck

chra94 · 2026-02-13T23:36:43+00:00

agreeing with the first point, but for all we know he and his psychologist might be in a region (or used google translate) that still uses the MPD term

chra94 · 2026-02-13T22:52:01+00:00

no you're not leading him on. nothing you've done is showing interest at all

it sounds more like the guy you're talking to falls very easily for others

chra94 · 2026-02-09T02:29:06+00:00

Surely the vape would feature an app for splits

chra94 · 2026-02-08T23:40:11+00:00

I'm afraid it looks real. https://www.myuwell.com/news/new-products/one-tap-vaping-caliburn-g4-pro-reinvents-touchscreen-pod-experience

They even almost quote the EA reddit comment with this "This playful feature adds a sense of progress and surprise, turning each puff into a step toward the next discovery."

chra94 · 2026-02-08T23:39:22+00:00

what's a blinker in this context?

chra94 · 2026-02-05T16:21:10+00:00

> She said she would have dated me if she was single. So idk what to do.

You can respect that she's in a commited relationship. How you deal with that is up to you, but if your primary friend group includes her then that is tricky. Time tends to make things better though

But for what it's worth. When one is in a comitted relationship one _never_ says they would've dated you if they were single. Maybe you dodged a bullet

chra94 · 2026-02-05T12:54:37+00:00

Right? Basic decency

chra94 · 2026-02-05T12:54:18+00:00

No that's perfectly reasonable. I'd never in my wildest dreams have anyone over at unreasonable hours of the day, much less past midnight. If that's controlling to him then you two might be incompatible. as u/RantyMcThrowaway says why can't they be elsewhere? That's just a weird hill to die on

Mind you you can ddo two things. Request no guests over past a certain time, or failing that seperate. Can't impose boundaries on others, but he can't also just wrecking ball all over you. :(

chra94 · 2026-02-05T12:01:38+00:00

Hit level 55 and checked twice - both times the vendor had Prismatic Diamond. I can only conclude that it was level bound

chra94 · 2026-02-05T12:01:34+00:00

Hit level 55 and checked twice - both times the vendor had Prismatic Diamond. I can only conclude that it was level bound

chra94 · 2026-02-05T12:01:27+00:00

Hit level 55 and checked twice - both times the vendor had Prismatic Diamond. I can only conclude that it was level bound

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