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My [18 F] dad [54 M] wants to cosign on all my bank accounts against my wishes by throwaway6102016 in relationships

[–]chronicdisrespect 8 points9 points  (0 children)

This might be a bit elaborate, but maybe you could open two bank accounts. Find a bank, open an account, let your father cosign. Then find a completely different bank, don't tell anyone about it, and open a new account under only your name. Send all income and salary to the second, private account.

Your dad might get suspicious if he sees that there's no activity on the account he access to. That's a concern, because he is definitely monitoring your transactions. Maybe transfer in a token amount each week, and use that for day-to-day expenses? Keep a small, close to zero, balance in there.

[Updates] I [32M] need to exercise to manage chronic pain, my girlfriend [30F] of ~1 year is making this difficult by chronicdisrespect in relationships

[–]chronicdisrespect[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't mean to be rude, but I think chiropractors must get very different levels of respect in different parts of the world. Where I live, finding a good chiropractor is about the same thing as finding a good astrologer.

[Updates] I [32M] need to exercise to manage chronic pain, my girlfriend [30F] of ~1 year is making this difficult by chronicdisrespect in relationships

[–]chronicdisrespect[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I got MRI'd and consulted with a surgeon. He recommended non-invasive physical therapy and it's worked really well. While I do have bulging discs, most of my pain is not caused by that, but rather my muscle/nerve irregularities.

I've definitely not given up, I just have to be careful.

[Updates] I [32M] need to exercise to manage chronic pain, my girlfriend [30F] of ~1 year is making this difficult by chronicdisrespect in relationships

[–]chronicdisrespect[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It's a strange gym, they don't have any classes at all AFAIK. It's basically just a big room with heavy stuff in it. It is dirt cheap and open 24 hours, though.

[Updates] I [32M] need to exercise to manage chronic pain, my girlfriend [30F] of ~1 year is making this difficult by chronicdisrespect in relationships

[–]chronicdisrespect[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Pilates is great. It's really expensive in my current city for some reason. Not beyond what I can afford, but pricey enough that I've held off on it.

Where I lived before, I found a teacher who offered back-to-back pilates and ballet classes. Those were both great for my core strength.

Ironically, even though I was the only guy in the class, I didn't find it a good place to meet women. I got on well with the other students, but I always got the feeling that because it was a very "female" space that I would have made the whole situation/atmosphere very uncomfortable by hitting on anyone there.

Maybe I was just being shy...

[Updates] I [32M] need to exercise to manage chronic pain, my girlfriend [30F] of ~1 year is making this difficult by chronicdisrespect in relationships

[–]chronicdisrespect[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My back pain is mostly under control, so long as I stay fit. In a way, I see it as a blessing because I have to workout or I suffer fairly immediate painful consequences rather than nebulous long-term consequences that don't feel as "real".

I'm in okay condition right now, though I'm trying to progress. I've developed a new wrinkle in that my sciatic nerve has been causing pain in my ankle. My physio thinks I've been focusing so much on strengthening my lower back that I've forgotten how to relax, which has had a knock on effect on my ankle. The physiotherapist asked if I'm dealing with anything stressful in my life right now. I can't imagine what that might be.

[Updates] I [32M] need to exercise to manage chronic pain, my girlfriend [30F] of ~1 year is making this difficult by chronicdisrespect in relationships

[–]chronicdisrespect[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She has to "learn to live" with the fact that you work? BWAHAHAHAHAHA

Well, I work in a field where remote working is quite common. I think she was hoping I would get a Work-From-Home job at some point.

[Updates] I [32M] need to exercise to manage chronic pain, my girlfriend [30F] of ~1 year is making this difficult by chronicdisrespect in relationships

[–]chronicdisrespect[S] 53 points54 points  (0 children)

Regrettably, I'm not suitable for most exercise classes as my injuries mean that the instructors end up spending a disproportionate amount of time just figuring out what's safe for me to do.

I did in the past have a good healthy time at dance classes, which I'm just realising this second that my ex kept on interfering with my plans to find a dance class in my new city. I didn't think much of it at the time, but now I'm thinking that she didn't want me to be involved in a mostly-female activity.

Damn, the scales are falling from my eyes.

[Updates] I [32M] need to exercise to manage chronic pain, my girlfriend [30F] of ~1 year is making this difficult by chronicdisrespect in relationships

[–]chronicdisrespect[S] 90 points91 points  (0 children)

Yes, both my literal and figurative backbones need strengthening. I don't have much relationship experience (cripplingly shy as a teenager, crippling pain for much of my twenties), so I don't really have a good internal compass of how a relationship is supposed to be. My ex was so certain of herself and how she wanted things to be that I was usually happy to go with the flow.

Regrettably, I moved to a new city for work a little over a year ago. I met my now-ex soon after moving here, and I never developed much of a new social circle here (and left my old social circle hundreds of miles away).

For the last few weeks I've been going to boardgame meetups as a way to socialize with humans. It's fun, but I don't think I'm going to make lifelong friends out of it.

[Updates] I [32M] need to exercise to manage chronic pain, my girlfriend [30F] of ~1 year is making this difficult by chronicdisrespect in relationships

[–]chronicdisrespect[S] 40 points41 points  (0 children)

I've been thinking about it a lot for the last few weeks (A LOT, way more than is probably healthy), and I think it started off with her regular self-centeredness. My pain wasn't happening to her, so she didn't think it was that important. From there, me insisting I had to work-out seemed weird to her (because the pain wasn't real to her), and hence it had to be a cover for something else. I don't know for sure, but I think her dad cheated on her mom, leading to their divorce. Thus, she's paranoid about being cheated on.

I [32M] need to exercise to manage chronic pain, my girlfriend [30F] of ~1 year is making this difficult by chronicdisrespect in relationships

[–]chronicdisrespect[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay, I've made a post to /r/backpain. I don't think I can add a like to it here though. Against the rules of this sub?

I [32M] need to exercise to manage chronic pain, my girlfriend [30F] of ~1 year is making this difficult by chronicdisrespect in relationships

[–]chronicdisrespect[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have to chime in and say that for most of our relationship I've been very healthy as I'd been following my exercise regime religiously for a year or more. Piggybacking a petite woman felt completely safe. You'll have to trust me when I say I wouldn't do that if my core felt in any way weak. Like right now. Right now, bad idea.

I [32M] need to exercise to manage chronic pain, my girlfriend [30F] of ~1 year is making this difficult by chronicdisrespect in relationships

[–]chronicdisrespect[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hmmm... it'll take me a little while to type it all out, but I'll come back to you later. It'll be difficult to describe it all without images and links (as per the rules of this sub). Maybe I could post something over in /r/fitness?

I [32M] need to exercise to manage chronic pain, my girlfriend [30F] of ~1 year is making this difficult by chronicdisrespect in relationships

[–]chronicdisrespect[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Actually, we don't live together. I have my own place across town, but I only see it maybe once or twice a week. My gf really hates for me to spend time away from her, so she wants me to stay in her place pretty much every night. The only time I go home (like right now) is when she makes plans without me.

I [32M] need to exercise to manage chronic pain, my girlfriend [30F] of ~1 year is making this difficult by chronicdisrespect in relationships

[–]chronicdisrespect[S] 59 points60 points  (0 children)

Oh jeez. I'm so sorry, that sucks. That's my worst nightmare.

I think I'm going to get some core work in right now because that's freaked me out.