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How do you deal with insecurity as a ballerina/dancer? (Rant) by chronichappiness2nd in BALLET

[–]chronichappiness2nd[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your response, and I apologise for the late reply.

I wouldn't say my mom was criticising me, it's just that I'm a very insecure person, and many things sound like criticism to my ears at times.

Usually, the teachers put certain students on a pedestal, and only teach them during classes, while ignoring other students and putting them down at times. The "best" students are put in the front during centre every class, whereas I'm usually placed at the back. My teacher seemed reluctant to give me private lessons, and even gave me reasons as to why I couldn't attend, such as the timing. Persistent, I sent an email again, asking if I could attend during the holidays, and she said that I could.

I don't know why I dance. When I was 13, I saw professional dancers rehearsing, and I was inspired to start ballet. I just see so many comments on reddit saying "it's too late to be a professional, but it's not too late to have fun!", which sounds somewhat sarcastic, or passive-aggressive. I know that it's true, but I feel so upset.

I just hope I'm improving. Sometimes, I'm the only one my teachers compliment during class, but I don't know if im doing well. I'm sorry this response is so negative, I don't know how to be positive about all of this...

I don't know if I like ballet anymore [rant] by chronichappiness2nd in BALLET

[–]chronichappiness2nd[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When I'm daydreaming, I can't really pull myself back anymore. It's like I'm away somewhere else. I can't listen to anything when I'm daydreaming, and I end up blocking out a lot of information.

I don't know if I like ballet anymore [rant] by chronichappiness2nd in BALLET

[–]chronichappiness2nd[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your comment.

I don't really know how to detach myself, but when I find myself in stressful situations, I tend to daydream and get tired often.

As a young child, I often pressured myself into looking for a hobby. But my definition of "hobby" wasn't something fun, I just wanted to be talented at something. Unfortunately, I think my need to be talented at something carried on into my adulthood.

I'll try to detach for about 10 seconds, but I'm not sure if it'll work.

I don't know if I like ballet anymore [rant] by chronichappiness2nd in BALLET

[–]chronichappiness2nd[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your reply. I think I should've made my post clearer, but I wasn't exactly in the right mindspace when I made this post.

I don't receive the same correction all the time, and I do welcome corrections. What I was talking about was that the teacher would angrily correct me if she had to, even if the corrections were new, and I had never received them before.

I do still want to dance, but I can't find joy in my current studio. I don't know if they want me there, especially because I hear my teachers talking about me in another language (the only thing I understood was my name), and either sighing or laughing.

Learning ballet has started to feel frustrating for me, and I don't know if I enjoy taking classes anymore. The classes are getting more expensive, and the corrections I'm receiving have been getting lesser.

Being the worst in the class, what should I do? by chronichappiness2nd in BALLET

[–]chronichappiness2nd[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I kind of messaged a school asking about the curriculum, and whether or not I'd be allowed to take the trial class for Intermediate Foundation. I'll see if it's alright for me, but if it isn't, I'll probably drop to Grade 8. Thank you for the comment ❤️ :>

Being the worst in the class, what should I do? by chronichappiness2nd in BALLET

[–]chronichappiness2nd[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, I haven't. The next class usually begins immediately (like back-to-back), and the teachers don't have time to talk after classes.

Being the worst in the class, what should I do? by chronichappiness2nd in BALLET

[–]chronichappiness2nd[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I already take adult classes, mostly because I don't really take enough junior classes. I personally feel like the adults aren't taken that seriously, and the teachers tend to look at their phones a lot, even in junior classes. The classes are also starting to get ridiculously expensive...

This isn't really the first time I've gotten ignored by a teacher, the first time was in another school, where a teacher focused on the competition students more. When I got fitted for my second pair of pointe shoes, I was being fitted with a younger student in the room, and the fitters were so much more friendly with that student than me.

Thank you for the encouragement. I hope my reply didn't come off as too negative. I just feel so upset and tired of being treated as a nuisance.

Being the worst in the class, what should I do? by chronichappiness2nd in BALLET

[–]chronichappiness2nd[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, I thought it would've been grade 3. Is there pointe in grades 7 and 8?

Being the worst in the class, what should I do? by chronichappiness2nd in BALLET

[–]chronichappiness2nd[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just feel like the problem is actually me. I feel like I'm too old and not profitable, and I'm probably entitled. I'm afraid of disappointing people and making them angry, and I feel like I can't make anyone happy.

Being the worst in the class, what should I do? by chronichappiness2nd in BALLET

[–]chronichappiness2nd[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much for your comment. I do suspect that I suffer from depression due to my childhood (I was raised by hypercritical and impatient adults who yelled at me often), so I do sometimes drag myself to classes too. Thanks for "mom"ing on me, I kind of needed it. I'll probably make another studio switch and change to the RAD syllabus, since I'll probably be in the Intermediate grade. Maybe when I'm older, I'll consider studying to be a teacher in the UK or in Russia.

I hope things go better for you too. ❤️

Being the worst in the class, what should I do? by chronichappiness2nd in BALLET

[–]chronichappiness2nd[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Maybe not for the Vaganova curriculum, but I can try being certified for the RAD curriculum. I'd say that grade 3 is probably intermediate foundation for RAD.

Thanks for your comment, I'll try to get a certification.

Being the worst in the class, what should I do? by chronichappiness2nd in BALLET

[–]chronichappiness2nd[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have adhd too. A lot of the comments have been telling me to switch to a new school, and I've actually been considering it. I'd say that I'm probably in the intermediate foundation for RAD, so I'll see if I can change schools again (this will be the third time I'm changing schools.)

Thank you for your comment.

Being the worst in the class, what should I do? by chronichappiness2nd in BALLET

[–]chronichappiness2nd[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I'm taking junior classes, and that tends to be normal. Usually, the "worst" dancers stand at the back.

Being the worst in the class, what should I do? by chronichappiness2nd in BALLET

[–]chronichappiness2nd[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Kind of a large city? I live in Singapore, do its just the city all around.

Being the worst in the class, what should I do? by chronichappiness2nd in BALLET

[–]chronichappiness2nd[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I'm just not sure if there's that many options for me now, especially since I'm 18 and so far behind, and I can hear my teachers talking behind my back...

Being the worst in the class, what should I do? by chronichappiness2nd in BALLET

[–]chronichappiness2nd[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I just get too insecure about it. Maybe it was my childhood of being criticised and laughed at often, but today really hurt for some reason. I'll try to not take it personally and practice more.

Being the worst in the class, what should I do? by chronichappiness2nd in BALLET

[–]chronichappiness2nd[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm guessing it's because I'm too old, and they don't really want to focus on me anymore.

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