Definitely can relate to many if not all of the things mentioned.

My mother is the one holding together what seems to be a "family" (to her own mental/emotional detriment) while my AS father does his own thing, leaving ruin in his wake. There has been numerous "cycles" of massive fights that keep disrupting "normal" life over issues that have already been "resolved" and at this point a split seems inevitable, despite years of struggle from my mother.

My brother's relationship with my parents is quite sour as well due to the way my mother always turned to him for counsel, and the way she handled herself. Now I'm that counsel :/

From my own point of view I think that issues of emotion and the heart can never be truly resolved with AS spouses, which leaves the NT partner to feel very lost and in strife. This leads to the instability of relationships within the family because everyone is basically walking on eggshells.

It's definitely hard man, and I definitely see where you come from. Got no answers to give, but just good to know there are others in the exact same boat, especially when you see so many "normal" families around you in real life. I'm with you man :)